Almost Alright
by RewindedMiracle
Summary: Warden-Commander Alistair Theirin learns how to move on after the Hero of Ferelden gave her life to save his. With his new responsibilities, and her voice ringing in his head, will he actually be able to succeed? Major AU! Rated M for content.
1. Alistair's Lament

**A/N:** _This story just DEMANDED to be written. Thank you to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for being my beta. I've said before, I'd be lost without you. Who doesn't love Cousland and Alistair? But before we get there, we have to see what happened before. Hope so! This is totally AU, I may bring in elements of Awakening and it includes characters from the games and the Machinima youtube series. Enjoy._

* * *

><p>"Almost Alright"<p>

_I might get a little sideways  
>Yeah, but what do you expect?<br>I might have a few bad days  
>I'm figuring out its for the best<br>I'm almost alright  
>I'm just about fine<em>

_-"Almost Alright" by Blake Shelton_

"Commander." Alistair ignored the voice speaking to him. It had been a year since the Blight ended, but it still felt like it was just yesterday that he had been at Ostagar and met Evie for the first time. He had made a smart remark about mages and he watched her smile like they had known each other for years. Maybe it had just been him. He sighed. Most days, he still expected her to walk back into his life to apologize for her absence. He would just smile and everything would be alright. If only things were that easy. Instead, he just had to rely on his memories. Alistair Theirin had a nasty habit of falling into daydreams at the least opportune times. This one had been no exception.

_Arguments filled the air between them. Her defiant nature had taken over with just a jut of her chin and the narrowing of her eyes. "Don't do this," he begged her, "Let me." Evelyn wouldn't hear it. She brought up a hand and placed a gentle finger on his lips. After all, the Archdemon wouldn't wait forever. She replaced her finger with her lips and Alistair felt himself melt into the mage and briefly allowed himself to forget about the swarming horde heading their way. The fighting still raged. The dwarves, the golems, the elves, and the mages alike all fought to keep them back. Alistair thought it was to give them a moment. Zevran and Leliana understood something that he was not ready to grasp just yet. Evie parted from the kiss and pulled his sword from his sheath._

"_I'm sorry," she apologized and took off running. Alistair tried to go after her, but he couldn't move. The Archdemon roared and he watched as his love leapt into the air. He looked down to see a glyph of paralysis laid underneath his feet. How could she?_

_He looked back to her as the sword came bearing down and into the Archdemon's neck. She ran along the curvature of it, slicing into the dragon. It fell before her and a cry was heard. Alistair was unsure if it was from her or from him. Evie lifted the sword above her head and the blade slid into the head of the Archdemon. The soul of the Old God erupted from the dragon in a brilliant, almost blinding white line. Leliana was at his side as she tried to get him to move. "No!" He cried and the glyph wore off. It took her, Zevran and several men from Redcliffe to hold him back. Alistair watched as Evie looked at him one last time before the light shot through her body. His heart dropped. She couldn't leave him. He would not allow it. After everything they had gone through together, this was not how things were going to end. It couldn't be. The reaction from the destruction of the two souls was like an explosion and knocked everyone on the top of Fort Drakon down._

_Alistair scrambled to his feet as some of the darkspawn tried to retreat. The armies that had gathered worked to cut them down one by one. No. He wasn't going to help. He had one thing in mind. He needed to get to her. He needed to touch her. This was just a horrible dream. He'd wake up at any moment. He fell to his knees beside her. "Wake up," he begged as he gathered the limp body into his arms. Was she still in there? His fingers trailed delicately against her cheek. Wishful thinking kept him from seeing that she was already gone. "Why couldn't you let it be me?" He buried his face into her hair as the hot tears streaked down his cheeks. She was gone._

"Commander!" Alistair looked up and sighed. He still wasn't used to hearing that. It didn't feel very _fitting._ He didn't stop the Blight. Evelyn did. She was the one that led their group while he had been the Junior Warden, as Morrigan had liked to point out. Alistair made a face as he thought about the witch. Where was she when her friend lay dying? He shook his head. He didn't care about the bitch, never had and never would. What he did care about was the look on Garevel's face.

"Yes, Captain?" He asked. What could possibly be the matter now? He moved from the seat he had taken inside of the Keep's throne room. He thought when he declined to be king that he wouldn't have to deal with the nobles, but more and more problems occurred in Amaranthine, only to show him that he had been wrong. "Does someone have _another_complaint?" Maker help him if it was Esmerelle. That woman was a viper waiting to strike. Alistair wasn't willing to wait and see if he would get bitten first.

Garevel gave him an amused look and shook his head. "Not yet," he replied, "but I wanted to inform you of the Warden recruits arriving within the week." Ah, yes. The recruits… they were the hopeless bastards that wanted to join the order in hopes of becoming the next Hero of Ferelden, though no one could replace her, not for him.

"Who is going to meet them?"

"Kristoff."

Alistair made a face. "Maker have mercy, he'll scare them off before they even get off the boat," he said. He slapped his hand on his forehead and let out a long sigh. "Is there no one else?" He had worked with the man daily to make Vigil's Keep ready for the Orlesian Wardens that had been on their way at the time. Oh, how that had been grand. Turning the keep into a suitable place for the Wardens, meant getting rid of everything that was Howe related and storing it in the vaults. There was one painting in particular, Alistair's eyes wandered as he thought about it, that he wanted to get rid of, but it was too heavy and too large. It was of a creepy woman that he assumed had been Howe's wife…or something. Bugger, he felt like it was staring at him.

"No one wants the job," the Captain told him. _Hm? What? Ah, yes,_ Alistair thought, _who would want to train the recruits?_It wasn't like they weren't the same way at one point, oh no, that was a time that most had liked to forget. Sometimes he regretted agreeing to take this position. Anora insisted, the First Warden even made an appearance to encourage him –_as if that helped_- and his old friends told him to take it as well. They said it would be good for him. Ultimately, it had been the fact that there was a statue erected in the middle of the courtyard of Evelyn that made him agree. It was the closest to the real thing that he was going to get and he would do anything to be around her, even if it were a statue.

"Tell the Sergeant that he will have my company when he sets off for the city." He had an odd feeling that he was going to regret the decision. Alistair and Kristoff hadn't necessarily been on speaking terms since their disagreement in the Deep Roads. Though, now wasn't the time to think about that. They had to work together and that was that. Evie had told him a long time ago that he couldn't please everyone. It was a good lesson to be learned, even if it had been a hard one.

"Do you think that it wise, Commander?" Garevel asked.

He shrugged one shoulder. "I don't know," he told him, "but it's better than sitting in here on my arse waiting for the next noble with a _dire_ matter for me to solve." Alistair rolled his eyes at the word 'dire.' Everything was of importance with the nobles, and with any noble in fact. The Captain laughed. "Don't you agree?" He asked him.

"Aye," he agreed, "I will let him know, Commander."

"Thank you, and I thought I told you to call me Alistair. Commander is just way too formal for my tastes," Alistair said with a nod.

"Old habits die hard," he told him, "I bid you good day…Alistair." He watched Garevel leave, passing Varel as he exited. He made a face at the older man.

"Please tell me it isn't the nobles," he greeted the Seneschal.

Varel let out a light laugh before he shook his head. "No," he replied, "they have quieted lately. I don't know if that should be comforting or raise alarm." He shared the same feelings, but Alistair welcomed the reprieve from their bickering.

"What is it this time then?" He scratched at the growing stubble on his chin. "Or shall I take a guess?"

Varel shook his head. "That won't be necessary, Commander," he told him, "You've received a letter from Highever from Teyrn Fergus Cousland. I think it's a matter to be looked over." Alistair's eyebrows creased together. Why in Andraste's name would the newly reinstated Teyrn be sending him a letter?

"Do you know what it's about?" He asked as Varel handed over the parchment. The older man shook his head. Ah, well, at least someone could respect privacy. He knew there was a reason he liked the man. Alistair chewed on his lower lip as he broke the wax seal on the letter and opened it to read its content.

_Warden-Commander,_

_Among the recruits that you are expecting to receive is my sister, Lia Cousland. I implore you to send her back to Highever. She is due to be married to Oswyn Sighard and it is not something she can step away from. Please remind her of her duty as a Cousland…_

Alistair had to stop reading after that. If he had a sovereign for every time someone tried to preach to him about duty, he would be a rich man. His shoulders slumped slightly as he stared at the paper. Eamon would have ringed his neck if he knew that he was going to ignore the letter. He was tired of duty. He was tired it being something that the nobles hung over each other to get what they wanted. He knew Fergus was a good man, but to force something on another person… that was not how Alistair liked to handle things. He had little choice in most of what happened in his life and he would not take that choice away from another. "It seems that the dear Teyrn would like his sister back," he said.

"What do you propose to do?" Varel asked him. He didn't know. Alistair supposed that the best route was to leave the decision to Lia, if she even showed up with the other recruits.

"It's her choice," he replied.

A dark shadow cast over the older man's features. "I'm not sure that would be the best route, Commander," he told him.

"Alistair," he corrected the Seneschal.

Varel shook his head. "Very well, Alistair," he continued, "but I don't think that it would be wise as Warden-Commander, as you are the equivalent to our Arl, to ignore such a request."

"I'm not ignoring it," he told him and waved the paper in the air as he did so, "if I was I wouldn't have read it." He folded the letter back up.

"You didn't even read the whole thing," Varel said with exasperation lacing his tone.

"I'm just saying that I'm not going to force her to do anything." Alistair smirked. "If I did that, then I'm no better than the nobles I complain about." He handed the Seneschal the letter. "If anyone is looking for me, I'll be in the courtyard checking on the traders."

Alistair didn't wait for a reply before he left the throne room. The bitter chill of the wind was a welcome from the heat inside. Fall was on its way. The leaves on the trees morphed into various colors. As the wind picked up, several fell onto the ground, and as Alistair stepped over them he could hear the crunch that only confirmed that the seasons were changing. The Keep bustled with people varying from warriors, priestesses, traders, smithies, dwarves, elves, humans, and those who had made a home there. They all acknowledged his presence as he made his way through the crowd. "Hello, Commander!" Oh, he knew that voice. It was enough to set him into a frantic run. The last time he heard that voice it was accompanied with something being hurled at his head.

He turned to see Herren and Wade standing there. "What a surprise to see you two here," he greeted them.

"Oh yes," the merchant replied, "since we did so much for you and your companions, we figured we'd come here to see if you needed any help." Help? It was more like he was looking to make money. Alistair glanced at Wade. The smith didn't look amused to be there.

"Yes, well, good luck with that," he told the two and started to leave. Yes, he'd deal with them later.

A bark carried through the air over the noise and a familiar figure bounded towards him. He knelt down on one knee as Barker, Evie's mabari, stopped at his feet. "There's a good boy," he greeted him and rubbed behind his ears. "Been playing with the locals?" The hound pushed his cold wet nose against Alistair's cheek. "Oh, I missed you too." He stood up and looked around. "Come on, we're going to visit her."

Barker stayed by his side as they went to the courtyard. The first thing he spotted was the statue of the Hero, and it never failed to bring a smile to his face. What kind of smile was a different story. Yes, he was still angry with her. Yes, he was bitter that she took the killing blow, and yes…he wished more than anything that it had been him. The mabari huffed as he took his place at the foot of the statue. He ran his fingers through his hair, unsure of what to say to her as he sat down on the hard ground. He glanced at Barker, the mutt seemed content with silence, but the silence drove him crazy.

"You know," he started, "I'm starting to wonder your reasoning." He waited for a response. Was it a sign of him going crazy? Did it matter?

"_I know."_

There it was. He closed his eyes. "It should be you they call Commander," he told her, "but you were always so stubborn."

"_Would you have me any other way?"_Maker, she already knew the answer to that. Alistair opened his eyes slowly. She told him once of a talking Tevinter statue in the Circle of Magi. Was that the cause of this now? Was he just imagining things? _"You're thinking too much."_

"That kind of contradicts popular opinion, love," he told her. He raised a hand and scratched the back of his neck. "We're getting new recruits soon."

"_That's good, isn't it?"_

"Yes," he replied, "soon enough, the number of recruits will drop unless another Blight happens, Maker forbid." He sighed. "I was never good at leading. I left that to you."

"_I think you're doing a wonderful job."_

"Don't try to butter me up, darling."

"_Are you still angry with me?"_

"I didn't come here to talk about that…" His throat tightened and he stood up. Barker looked at him and huffed. Alistair knew where the dog's loyalty lay.

"_What did you want to talk about?"_

"If you hadn't had a reason to join the Grey Wardens, would you have still joined if Duncan offered it to you?" He asked. He waited patiently for an answer, but nothing came. Disappointment took over. He frowned at the statue as he looked at her face. The artist had captured her likeness to such detail he wondered if they had possibly known her. "Evie…" He pleaded for her to speak to him but he got nothing. Alistair turned away and made the motion to leave.

"_Don't."_

He was tired of whatever games she was playing. "Your answer then?"

"_Yes,"_ she told him, _"I would have."_ That was all he needed to know. _"Alistair?"_ The way she said his name sent a light shiver down his spine. It was like she was standing next to him, whispering in his ear. His heart felt like it was being ripped in two and yet, he always came back to the statue to talk to her.

"Yes?"

"_When will you forgive me?"_ He didn't know.


	2. Cold Hard Road

**A/N:** _Thank you to Saga, CCBug and Chasind for reviewing and to Jinx1983, pepper1988, JTheClivaz, and mackillian for putting this on favorites/alerts. A special thank ye to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for being my lovely beta. We'll be introduced to Lia and then right back to Alistair. Hope you all enjoy! _

"Almost Alright"

_The expressions on the faces we don't know  
>It's a cold hard road when you wake up<br>And I don't think that I  
>Have the strength to let you go<em>

_-"Maybe" by Secondhand Serenade_

"Are you recruiting?" Lia Cousland knew she only had several minutes before her brother and Oswyn would realize that she was gone. She had known the latter for a very long time and did care for him, just not enough to marry him. The only way that she could see getting out of it was through the man who was standing in front of her. "You are a Warden, aren't you?" The man opened his mouth and she sighed. What was with the male population? Did they all cower when spoken to by a woman in a position of power? Bah. She was ready to give that power up as long as she never got to be pawned off into a marriage that she did not want.

"Yes, my lady," the Warden replied, "but you are a Cousland, surely-" That was when she had to stop him. That was one of the roots of her problem.

"I'm ready and willing to sign up. Damn it man, conscript me if you have to," she told him. She ran her fingers through her long, deep auburn hair. "I know the darkspawn are all but eradicated, last week's attacks prove that to be true. You need recruits and I am more than a capable duelist."

"Well, of that I have no doubt," he started, "but the Wardens do not wish to be involved in political matters." Ah. He was afraid of what her brother, Teyrn Fergus Cousland, might want to do after finding out she left for Amaranthine. Though it was not only him, but also the heir to the Dragon's Peak Bannorn who would have something to say. She shifted from one foot to the other as her hands fumbled nervously against the fabric of her dress. This was her last chance to get out of the Maker forsaken arrangement and maybe take her life into her own hands.

"What time does the boat leave?"

"At dawn." He must have been able to smell the desperation that clung to her like a discernible scent. It separated her from all of the other potential recruits. Maybe it was just her imagination, or maybe he was in dire need for recruits. Whatever the case, she was grateful that he had given her the answer.

"Then I will be on that boat."

Lia slipped away and found the men getting ready to leave the market stalls. Fergus and Oswyn seemed to be so deep in a conversation that they hadn't noticed that she was gone. Good. She liked to think that her stealth abilities were back to being on par after…everything that she and her brother had gone through. She put a smile on her face whenever they glanced her way. Her mabari, Nike, found her side and she scratched the top of his head. They went back to Castle Cousland and she plotted her escape during the night. It was terrible of her to do, but she had expressed her thoughts about the marriage arrangement that her brother had made. He wouldn't hear it. She sighed heavily as she thought about it. She would leave him a goodbye note to explain her reasoning. She wanted to get away from the Cousland name, but as soon as that thought hit her she was racked with guilt. What would her father think? Oh Maker, she was such a disappointment.

It was Fergus who had inherited everything, and what was she to do? The noble thing? When night fell, she retired. Oswyn, bless his heart, after everything he had suffered from Howe, wanted to return to her room with her, but she wouldn't have it, using propriety as an excuse. She wanted to save herself for marriage after all. She wrote her letter on a piece of parchment, apologizing to Fergus for her decision and the grief that it would cause him, but her decision was her own and she didn't want him to try to stop her. She…needed to make her own name. She packed her clothes in a backpack and pulled on her drake skin armor. Lia fastened her daggers on her side and slipped out of the castle through the servant's entrance with her mabari in tow. She knew the lands better than most and she prayed that her brother hadn't expected her plans.

Lia made her way to the docks and paid a considerable amount of sovereigns to the inn keeper to make sure no one knew she was there. When morning came, she was on the boat with the other recruits and on her way to Amaranthine.

* * *

><p>"I hear you've been talking to statues again."<p>

Alistair rolled his eyes. That was another voice that haunted him, only this one was living. He turned his head to see the dark haired man standing beside him. "Hello, Kristoff," he greeted the Sergeant. The other Warden had come back from investigating darkspawn attacks near the Wending Wood when they had received word that the recruits were on their way. That had been a few days ago. "What is it that you want?"

"_Be nice."_ Evie's voice had the tendency to be heard at the most opportune moments.

"You don't trust me enough to pick up the recruits?" He asked as he sauntered into the throne room of the Keep. Alistair folded his arms in front of him as his eyes narrowed. "It's funny how trust works around here." And there it was. Alistair didn't expect the man to completely forget what happened, but at least the blow to the head had hindered some of his memories.

"You would know," he told the older man, "I thought we agreed to put what happened in the Deep Roads behind us."

The scar over Kristoff's left eye was a constant reminder of what had happened. Alistair doubted that the situation was ever going to be behind them. He barely remembered the day. It seemed to meld into one blurred mess of images. He could remember shouting and having to defend himself after their disagreement. What had it been about? It was his little deal with the odd emissary. The Architect had clawed Kristoff's face to leave the scar and it had been Alistair that had knocked the other Warden out. Thank the Maker the man remembered less than he did. His reasoning to let the thing live? The Architect had promised to tell him where Duncan's body was, but in the end, he was deceived. Did his means justify the ending of his friendship with the other man? He hadn't decided.

"Easier said than done, yes?" Kristoff asked. Part of Alistair wondered if he recalled everything. He made a gesture to his face. "I still don't understand how the Architect escaped. Anyway, that is not why I have come to you, Commander." If he did remember what happened, Alistair was sure that he was holding it in until the right moment. At least, that was what he would have done. Ah, how Zevran would be proud. He could picture the look on Evie's face if she had been there. She would have nudged him and he would have gladly let her make the decisions.

"Then what is?" He had to word himself carefully.

"Perhaps we can…become friends again," he told the Commander, "Aura says I haven't been the same since the time in the Deep Roads and she thinks it's because of that. So I wish to patch things up. What do you say?" Something didn't sit right with Alistair. Maybe Kristoff only wanted it to be this way because he had something against him that he could use. His suspicions would not waver, but he was Commander of the Grey and he had had far greater foes closer to him before than another Warden.

"Maybe," Alistair found himself replying. Baby steps, right? "When will you be heading to Amaranthine?" He smiled to signify a peace offering.

"Whenever you are ready, Commander," Kristoff replied. He wished that the man would stop already. He smirked. "I mean, _Alistair_." Maker, this was going to be harder than he thought. He was testing him. He knew some didn't think that he was fit for Warden-Commander, mostly because he didn't see eye to eye with the older Wardens, but to the Void with them. It had taken him a long time to realize that he only had to please himself and it was Evie that had taught him that.

"Well, let me make preparations and we shall be off." That had seemed to be enough for Kristoff. Alistair watched him walk away as he cursed under his breath.

It didn't take long to make preparations with Varel just in case anything was to happen in his absence. Another thing Evie had taught him was to never be too careful. _"Stop it Alistair, that was always you_." Oh, yes ma'am. _"I think it's good that you two are going to be friends again."_

"I don't know about that," he said.

"_I don't think he remembers what you did."_

"Well can you blame me for that?"

"_No." _

That was all he needed to know. He met Kristoff and a few other Wardens, Ren and Jax, at the gate of Vigil's Keep. Barker trotted by his side as they readied to leave. "Did you see that group of Templars coming in earlier today?" Jax asked. Templars? Alistair's eyebrows furrowed together. He had not heard of the group coming in. Then again, it could be that he usually directed that nonsense to the Seneschal for him to handle. Ren, the Dalish elf, laughed at Jax.

"Ah, mage, I wouldn't be worried. I doubt they're here for you," he said, "Besides, I saw they already had someone in their custody." The elf cast a glance his way, since it was no secret that he was an ex Templar. "What do you think, Commander?"

Alistair offered them a small smile. "Perhaps they're here for our cheese, wine and the Thedas renowned Grey Warden hospitality, should I drive them off?" He asked. Their Commander had cracked a joke and it took a moment for the two younger men to realize that he was capable of such a thing. It felt good too, that much he could admit. He wondered if Evie was at the Maker's side smiling down at him.

"I think the others will do just fine with that," Ren replied laughing.

"If you ladies are done gossiping," Kristoff interrupted, "I wish to make it to the Crown and Lion _before _nightfall." The other two Wardens burst into a jubilant laughter. They were like children, at least that was how Alistair looked at it. They were still fairly young. Maker, Alistair was still young, but the other two did not have the experience to shape them into hardened shells like his dear…almost friend.

The hope for a day's march to the city of Amaranthine had been out of their reach. Barker had caught the trail of a travelling group of darkspawn. It was nothing like the horde that he had to face a year before, but since the defeat of the Archdemon, in their retreat, they arrived in several villages in small packs and it was up to them to eradicate them. The mabari soared ahead of them to take down a hurlock. Arrows flew past Kristoff and Alistair's heads as they charged upon the group. Jax covered their flanks with defensive spells. Once they were covered, offensive spells were cast to encircle the pack and trap them from leaving. Barker tore into the hurlock's neck and pounced to the next. Alistair bashed his shield into a genlock before he brought his sword bearing down and into its skull.

He whirled around to find an emissary, at least there was only one, hurling a spell his way. He braced himself for impact, but thanks to a magical barrier from Jax, the fire curved along his sides until it finally dissipated. Kristoff leapt behind the emissary with his greatsword slicing through the air in front of him until it made a connection. More arrows flew and the air filled with a rotten, burning stench that was a result of Jax's work. The darkspawn fell around them one by one, whether it was to arrows, swords, or by magic. Fighting them was the only reprieve for Alistair to get away from his worries at the Keep and it made him forget… well; almost forget that Evie was gone. It felt natural to him to slay the beasts, but he still half expected to look up and see her smiling face after a victory. That had been something he wasn't able to shake away easily.

"Commander!" Alistair whirled around to see one last genlock fall backwards from a hit by Jax. He expected a cry of joy, but silence greeted him as Ren laid on the ground. Alistair cringed at the mangled mess as the mage in their company fell to his knees next to his friend.

"Can you heal him?" He asked. The mage nodded slowly and he watched as Jax worked diligently to do as he asked.

"Maker," Kristoff said breathlessly, "I didn't expect them to be so close." Alistair glanced along the dark forest. They were not all gone. He could sense them lurking, waiting for something, but for what? He waited for movement in the shadows, but nothing. Were they retreating? "I feel as if something is watching us." He glanced at the older Warden and nodded.

"Or someone," he replied. He just hoped that Ren wasn't dead. They couldn't suffer another loss. Alistair was sure that _he_ couldn't suffer another. He vowed that no one would die on his watch and it was a vow that he had been able to keep so far.

"_He'll be ok."_ Damn it, not now Evie.

"You don't know that," he whispered.

"What was that, Commander?" Shit, he heard him. Alistair glanced at Kristoff, who was watching him. He must have seemed like a bastard who was losing his mind.

"Nothing," he replied and looked down at the elf's body to see him breathing. Thank the Maker.

"He'll live," Jax confirmed his thoughts. Good. He felt himself relax a little at the news.

"He won't be able to travel much tonight," Alistair said, "Let's set camp…away from here. We'll head for Amaranthine in the morning." Logically, they should push further to the city since he wasn't sure of the numbers that the darkspawn had travelled with this time, but he would not put Ren through the grueling task of marching on while he was injured.

"I don't think that is a good idea," Kristoff argued, "We must continue to the city, if not we might as well just turn in the direction of the retreating beasts and hunt their asses down. Otherwise, what is the point?"

"We're not losing a life on account of those bastards. They will still be around for days to come," Alistair told him, "That is an order Sergeant, and you will take it as such."

"I'm fine," Ren groaned. His voice was weak and signified that he was anything but fine. Alistair had set his mind on a decision and he wasn't going to change it.

"Not another word from you," he replied. Alistair looked at Kristoff. The other man's eyes narrowed at him, but he did not care. Would he dare to contest him? Alistair almost begged for it, but nothing came. "We'll cut through the forest to the Pilgrim's Path and we'll be there in no time." There was a time when even he would question his ability to lead, but the younger men looked to him for guidance while the older one would have him wear them out. Well, Alistair chose to look after the younger recruits. "Unless you'd like to go on without us."

Kristoff shook his head and helped Jax get Ren up on his feet. "That won't be necessary," he replied.

"Well, since that's settled," Jax added, "Let's get away from the rotting corpses, shall we?"

* * *

><p>If the Waking Sea had a calm moment, Lia would have liked to see it. With her first time being on a ship, it would have been just her luck to be on it when a storm hit. The captain demanded that all able bodies help and she had her first crash course on being a sailor. It wasn't exactly what she dreamt of when she first thought of leaving Highever for Amaranthine, but she had to deal with whatever the Maker threw at her for her choices. Waves crashed against the boat. The vessel rocked against the water, threatening to tip it over. She watched as some men fell over the side. Their cries were drowned out by the murderous rolling thunder. Lightening crashed around those on the surface on the boat. Rain pelted their skin and Lia felt like if it got any harder that it would be enough to be considered piercing.<p>

"Help me!" A woman's voice cried. The youngest Cousland grabbed some of the rope that was attached to the mast and skidded across the wooden surface to the woman in need, who was barely hanging on the side. She would have fallen herself if it hadn't been for Nike trying to keep her balance for her. Her fingers gripped onto the woman's armor as she pulled her back onto the ship. "Thank you," she said, "I am Mhairi."

"Lia…Cousland," she introduced herself. She watched as the woman's eyes widened, but she really didn't want to hear any questioning from her about her purpose with the Wardens.

"I owe you a life debt."

"Then pay it with friendship," Lia offered with a small smile, "Come. It doesn't look like the storm is going to lighten up and the captain seems to want us women out of the way now."

She led the other woman back into the cabins of the ship and she noticed that the number of recruits had declined because of the storm. She bit her lower lip and wondered how they would be welcomed to the city. That night she shared a room with her new found friend. They shared tales of their lives. Mhairi had seemed intent on wanting to know what happened with her family. That was not a topic that she was willing to discuss. Thank the Maker that the woman understood. Lia was perfectly content with hearing the other woman's story though. Mhairi had told her of her reasons to join the Wardens. She had been betrothed and wanted nothing to do with it, so she joined the army, only to witness Loghain's betrayal. Lia could sympathize with her feelings. It seemed that the two had more in common than she had originally thought.

When morning came, Lia made sure that she was one of the first recruits to be on deck. She watched as Amaranthine came into view. She hadn't been there since she was a child. She could recall playing in the gardens of Vigil's Keep with Delilah Howe, sparring with Nathaniel, and Thomas pulling on her braids. She bit her lower lip as memories threatened to spur up one by one. She had not anticipated that seeing the Howe home would stir such emotions. It wasn't his children that had caused her family grief. It had been Rendon himself. She heard that the Hero of Ferelden had dealt the death blow to the traitor. Lia only wished that she had been there to see it.

After Howe's men attacked the Castle, she had been ready to defend her parents to the end, but it had been Ser Gilmore and her mother that had pushed her out of the servant's entrance. They had locked it so she couldn't get back in. She knew better than to let their sacrifice be wasted. She had gone to West Hill to seek refuge and Arl Wulff had welcomed her in. She had been the one that helped him escape when the darkspawn horde over took his arling. She had gone to Denerim with him in hopes of facing Howe, but they arrived after his death, shortly before the Landsmeet. She had kept herself unknown until she had news of her brother. She had gone to the Wilds where the Chasind had kept him alive. It had been a reunion, to say the least. After that, they appealed to Anora to get their lands back and well, the rest is history.

"Are you alright?" Lia turned her head to see Mhairi standing there. "The boat has docked." Had it? She gave her a small smile.

"I'm fine," she told her, "just having a little trip down memory lane. Ready to be off?"

The dark haired woman nodded and led her off the boat with those who had survived the storm. They reached the bottom of the docks and were greeted by four men. She recognized one to be Alistair Theirin, the one that Arl Eamon had wanted to place on the throne instead of Anora. She had watched him deal the death blow to Loghain at the Landsmeet and here he was…her Warden-Commander. _Flaming asses, coming was a mistake,_ she thought. Surely, when he realized who she was, he would send her right back to Highever and that just would not do.

**A/N:** _For those who haven't seen Warden's Fall and want to see the influence of my Kristoff, here he is- __h t t p : / / w w w . you tube . com / watch ? v = fRVTl__ 2ii8BM_


	3. The Words You Say

**A/N:** _Thank you to Saga, CCBug and Kira Tamarion for reviewing! Thank you to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for being the awesome beta for this story. Thank you to Auranara for putting this on their favorites and alerts. Thank you tosam25-2003, stardust794, sad0clown, julezz30 and Kira for putting this on their alerts. :D You guys are awesome. Reviews are love. _

"Almost Alright"

_I just can't escape  
>It's like you're here with me now<br>But the words you say  
>They always seem to fade out<br>Since you been away  
>I'm just a face in the crowd<em>

_-"Coming Back Down" by Hollywood Undead_

"Seph?"

Lia looked at the blond man before her and her eyebrows furrowed together. "Excuse me?" She noted the staff hanging on his back and then the look of surprise on his face. Who was this 'Seph' and why was he calling her that? Lia's first instinct was to correct him and go the _noble _route of using her name to inflict embarrassment in this case of mistaken identity, but she held her tongue.

"Maker, I'm sorry. You look just like one of our friends," the mage apologized, "though it wouldn't make sense for her to be coming off the ship, unless she wanted go through her Joining again…well I'm just going to stop talking now." The dark haired man standing next to him glared at the mage.

The youngest Cousland glanced at Mhairi next to her. The dark haired woman shrugged one shoulder. Her gaze went back to the Warden-Commander who put on his best smile. "Alistair Theirin," he introduced himself, "I'm your Commander. These are Junior Wardens Ren and Jax and your senior officer, Kristoff. Welcome to Amaranthine." He glanced past her at the other recruits. "Is this all that came?" Lia turned her head to see the Warden recruiter walk past her to the others of his order.

"Yes, Commander," the recruiter told him, "We lost a few in a storm, but it's nothing that can't be replaced later." She watched Alistair's face and was surprised to see it unreadable. When she had seen him at the Landsmeet, he had been a ball of emotion. Ah, her mouth threatened to run away from her. It was a little disheartening to see that their lives weren't really of any worth to those whose ranks that they were about to join.

"Well," Alistair started with a smile on his face, "I'm sure you're all ready to head to Vigil's Keep. It'll be a few days travel with this amount in a party. Best be on your watch." His features hardened. "The Blight may be over, but the darkspawn are still a threat."

"Follow me, and quickly," the dark haired man barked at them. What was his name again? Lia cursed herself for not being able to remember. The other recruits did as they were told. Nike even left her side for the other mabari by the Commander.

The other recruits moved past her and Lia felt herself hesitate for a moment on the docks. It wasn't too late for her to turn around. Her jaw set in an act of natural defiance. No, she wasn't turning back now. "Is everything alright?" She looked to see Alistair was speaking to her. Lia nodded her head slowly. She didn't trust her voice enough to speak. "You are Lady Cousland, are you not?" Damn it.

"Lady Cousland was my mother," she replied. "My name is Lia."

Was that a smirk that spread across his face? "My apologies," he said, "and my condolences for what happened to your family."

Lia crossed her arms in front of her body. "Well," she started, "I thank you, for you were able to exact a revenge that my brother and I were not."

"I would not see anyone in harm's way like that," he told her. At least that was something that they had in common. "But that is not why I stopped you." She wrapped her arms around her body and waited for the lecture to start. "Are you sure this is what you want?" His voice had been so quiet she had barely heard him. She thought about it again and knew her decision. "Your brother is concerned, my lady, and with the repercussions of the Joining, a woman in your position needs to be aware of-"

That was when she decided to stop him. "First, don't use 'my lady' unless you want me to use 'Your Highness,'" she said with a hint of annoyance. "Second, I wouldn't be here unless I wanted to be. So I assume that my brother had taken the time to write to you." How he knew of her plans, she had no idea, but it didn't matter. "I don't wish to be a part of that life anymore." She had seen what the life of a noble was like and what her future would be. "I want it no more than you wanted the crown." She had struck a chord. She could see it on his face and a bit of self-satisfaction had taken over. If she was lucky, he would leave it at that.

Alistair nodded. "Very well, but I give the recruits a few days to make up their minds before their Joining. You will have the same," he said and made a motion for her to follow the others. She was ready to spin a retort his way, but she held her tongue. She didn't want to give him a reason to kick her out.

Lia whistled for Nike to follow and the brunette hound stayed by her heels. She rejoined Mhairi and the dark haired woman smiled at her. "Is everything alright?" She asked. The youngest Cousland glanced back at the Warden-Commander and nodded before she turned her attention back to her friend.

"For now," was the best answer that she could come up with.

The trip to Vigil's Keep had been surprisingly quiet. Lia found herself watching every movement that the veteran Grey Wardens made. Her ears perked slightly whenever she heard Alistair mumble to himself as if someone was there with him. Was he mad? Was that something she had to look forward to? The other Warden was still silent, but she felt his ever watchful eye as they traveled. She listened as the mage made the worst jokes in Thedas's history and she noted the timid watchfulness of the elf. Rumors of the Wardens had been true. They held no discrimination in recruits, though she felt as if they were more cautious with her in the mix. She knew her brother. After she had her Joining, he would have no more say in anything that she did.

As the group made their way to the gates of Vigil's Keep, Lia was amazed to see that nothing had changed. Some of the statues in the courtyards had been removed. She cringed slightly as she wondered if Arlessa Howe's portrait was still in the throne room. Was Nate still in the Free Marches? What happened to Delilah and Thomas? She wanted to kick herself for not knowing. Despite what their father did, she still cared about them.

"It's barely changed here," she found herself saying.

"You've been here before?" That was a voice that she hadn't heard. She glanced around for Mhairi, but it seemed that her friend had abandoned her for the elf they travelled with. There she went with names again, Maker damn her for not being able to remember. Her eyes finally set upon the man who had been speaking to her. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out as she locked on the light colored eyes. Shit. She must have looked like an idiot.

Lia nodded. "Yes," she replied, "my family used to be good friends with the Howes. I would spend time here during Summerday."

"It's must be a homecoming, all things considering."

"Excuse me?" She asked. Her eyebrows furrowed together at the older man. "Who are you?"

"Kristoff," he replied with a small smirk. "The noble mindset will be your downfall here, young one. Though I'm willing to bet that you'll be running back to that life soon enough."

* * *

><p>Alistair couldn't believe what he was hearing. His eyes narrowed at the veteran Warden who should have known better than to speak like that to a recruit, and especially a woman. He watched as Lia stormed off to Ren and the young woman, Mhairi. "Always friendly, I see," he said. His tone was flat. It was hard to believe that there was a time that aggression and rudeness from others was met with a laugh and a joke. Still, he let out a joke every so often and Maker knows that his awkwardness hadn't left him, but thanks to Evie, he had been able to grow what Morrigan called a back bone.<p>

"_That wasn't all me. Goldanna had a helping hand."_ Yeah, yeah. He knew.

"If she's not able to handle comments, because they are sure to come, then who says she'll be able to handle darkspawn?" Kristoff countered. The way the two men faced off was enough to make others avoid. They both waited to see who would back down first, and Alistair was determined not to be that man.

"You are not the one who determines if she'll be able to handle being a Warden," he told him.

Kristoff laughed. "No," he replied, "that's your job."

"_He wishes it to be his."_ He knew. _"Maybe being nice isn't going to be the best route."_ He would have reminded her that she was the one that wanted him to be friends with him again, but he didn't think that it would be wise to talk to a ghost in front of the older man.

"Do you have something to say Sergeant?"

"Maker do I, _Commander_," Kristoff answered, "you coddle the recruits. Do they really need three days to make a final decision? Would you have changed your mind if you had three days?"

"No," Alistair replied quickly. Maybe it was too quickly, but his answer was his own and the truest one. "But there is no Blight. While there are still darkspawn, we are not desperate enough to take every sod that comes in. We do not force it upon anyone and the use of the Right of Conscription has not been needed. You will not question me further on this matter, understood?"

The older man smirked. "How fortunate that you are our Commander," he said, "you, who let the younger Warden lead. Look what happened to her."

"_Alistair, don't!" _

With a heart wrenching cry, the Warden-Commander leapt forward, knocking Kristoff onto the ground. He brought up his fists and laid into the dark haired man. He brought them down one after the other before he felt himself get ripped away from the tussle. Voices shouted around him and his vision blurred. "Get off me," he growled.

"_What do you think you're doing?"_ Hot tears threatened to trail down his cheeks, but he would not give those who opposed his command, namely Kristoff, the chance to use it against him. No one…no one talked about Evie like that. No one used her memory against him and got away with it. It just wasn't right.

"Don't think I won't write the First Warden, Alistair!" the other man threatened him.

"Do it!" He challenged. Part of him was horrified to know what Fiona would think, but the other part of him wanted to show that he was getting tired of Kristoff's challenges.

"Ser, I think that's enough." Alistair turned to see the new recruit, Lia, holding his arm. He snatched it back to his body and sighed. It was a little ironic that she would be the one to stop him from continuing his fight with the other man, when it was her who had indirectly started it.

"I apologize that you all had to see that," he said as Kristoff stormed off. It was the best that he could do. Evie's voice had gone silent. Alistair had nothing else to say so he walked away from the scene. He wasn't going to hear the end of it from Varel.

* * *

><p>"It's like looking into a mirror."<p>

"You're telling me."

Lia stared at the other woman and rested one hand on her hip. "So you're Seph I take it?" She asked. She couldn't help but stare at the other woman. The difference between them was only slight and with a lingering look, one would notice, but at quick glance, they were like twins separated at birth. Lia's hair was a different shade of red and she had blue eyes, while the other had green.

"Seraphine Ridgeway," she introduced herself.

"As in the Ridgeways near the Ruswold Valley?" Lia asked.

"Are you of the Couslands of Highever?" Seph countered. Well, it seemed that she had her answer. Lia only smiled at the other girl. "Welcome to Vigil's Keep and the Wardens." She extended her hand out and the youngest Cousland took her hand in cordial measure.

"It's nice to meet you," she said.

Seph smiled. "And you," she agreed. "You know…" She leaned forward a bit and squinted slightly. "The likeness really is uncanny."

"Definitely," Lia said, "your friend was ready to jump me when he thought I was you." Silence fell between them and she could see the light blush creeping onto the other woman's fair skin.

"Jax?" Seraphine asked.

"The mage, is that his name?" Maker, Kristoff really was right about her, wasn't he? The light blush that had been on Seph's features had taken a crimson turn. Had she said something wrong? Had she stepped over some line that she didn't know about? Lia opened her mouth to apologize and that was when the shouting started. She whirled around, fingers itching for her daggers when she saw the Warden-Commander displaying behavior that wasn't very…leader like. Seph was the first to move and it took her, Jax, Lia, Ren, and Mhairi to pull Alistair off of Kristoff.

"Ser, I think that's enough," she told him. He was shocked to hear her say that to him. She could see it in his eyes, but she didn't want the friendship, if there was any, to be ruined. She didn't know what the fight was about, but she did know that a lot of people looked up to the Commander of the Grey and it wouldn't do him good to lose that.

"I apologize you all had to see that," he said and she watched him walk away while Kristoff took off in the opposite direction.

"Best let them cool off," Seph told her in an annoyed tone.

"Ah, the lovers never get tired of public displays of affection," Jax commented.

"They just get worse and worse as the months pass," Ren added, shaking his head slightly. What? Lia and Mhairi exchanged looks. A silent understanding passed between them. Clearly, there was more going on than they thought.

"What do you mean?" Mhairi asked before Lia could find her voice.

Seph shook her head. "We've already said too much," she told them. Ah, Warden secrecy. Well, it would only be a few more days before they would find out exactly what that meant. Her virtual twin added, "Come. Let's show you around."

Well, she did just that, and Lia let her lead. She didn't want to ruin the tour with knowledge that she knew exactly where they were going. Mhairi stayed by her side, giving her questions that probably only Lia could answer. They entered the throne room and that was when she spotted the painting of the Arlessa, though she supposed the woman didn't hold the title any more.

"And this is where the magic happens," Jax announced.

Did he really have to say that?

The three Wardens in front of Mhairi and Lia paused. Ren let out a small awkward cough and Seph glanced back at them. "Well, I think that the tour is over," the woman announced, "let's go."

Lia looked to see what the rush was. That was when she spotted him. Alistair sat on the main chair in the front of the room that she remembered used to be the seat of Rendon Howe. She supposed that it would be best to leave him alone.

* * *

><p>Alistair didn't look up when the group came in. As quickly as they had arrived, they had left. He ran a hand down his face and let out a long sigh. <em>"I'm sorry."<em> Ah, there she was. As much as he loved the woman, he really wanted to be left alone. _"Do you want me to go?"_ Somehow, he felt as if the simple question had more weight to it than what was originally thought.

"No," he replied. His voice was broken. His shoulders slumped. "Please don't. I…" He needed her. He still wasn't ready to let her go. It had been a year. Eamon thought he should have moved on already. Could it have been so easy for the old man to do such as that? Evie had thought to let that blood mage, Jowan, perform the ritual on Isolde, but at Alistair's request, no matter the risks of the village, they had left for the Circle on a three-day trek. There had been more deaths, but no matter what the Arl had done to him in order to satisfy his wife, the youngest Theirin still felt a sense of… loyalty.

"_You're thinking too much again."_ He couldn't help but smile slightly.

"It's all your fault."

Instead of a reply from her ghost, the doors opened again and Varel came through. "Did you really have to punch him?" The Seneschal asked.

"Do you really have to ask?"

The gray haired man let out a small laugh. "I bear no love for Kristoff," he admitted, "I'm sure he deserved it, but he's convinced that the First Warden will come to remove you from your post."

"Let her come," Alistair told him.

"Are you sure that's wise?"

"I'm not sure of anything anymore," he admitted. Whether or not he should have spoken the truth remained to be seen. Varel nodded in understanding.

"Is there anything you need of me?"

"I…" He wasn't sure. The man treated him with a friendship that he sometimes felt wasn't deserved. "Ready the recruits for training? I wish to see their skills."

"Yes, Commander."

"Alistair," he corrected him.

"Yes, _Alistair_."


	4. Joining Surprises

**A/N:** _Thank you to Saga, stoobzzwife and CCBug for reviewing. Feedback is AWESOME. Lol Special thanks to__** Saga Svanhildr **__for being an amazing beta. Thank you to imcharlottefearme, Kira76, GeneralMeow and stoobzzwife for putting it on their favorites/alerts. As an fyi, Jax and Ren's characters are taken from Warden's Fall on youtube, except I changed Jax's looks and gave him a name. Hope you guys enjoy! _

"Almost Alright"

_Never will I forget you, and all the memories past.  
>So rarely I get to see your face.<br>Growing I looked to you in guidance.  
>We knew that time would kill us, but you're still so close to me.<em>

_-"Second Heartbeat" by Avenged Sevenfold_

It was almost that time. Lia held back a shudder from her thoughts of becoming a Grey Warden. This was what she wanted and yet, knowing that she could die and that her friend could die, it seemed more frightening than before. Mhairi sat with her and Nike as they watched the ships pass by on their way to the Amaranthine port. "Can I ask you something?" Lia turned to the dark-haired woman speaking to her and she nodded.

"Anything."

"Are you afraid of death?"

One might think that her answer would have been yes because of what she escaped. "No," she replied. She would have stayed until the end during the attack. She would have defended her parents until her last breath. That was what it was meant to be a Cousland. That was what it was meant to be a daughter. "Are you?"

"After what I've seen while serving Maric's Shield," Mhairi began, "no, I'm not either. It feels good to be able to serve a greater purpose. Not only do the Grey Wardens defend Ferelden, but they defend all of Thedas. Can you imagine what the Hero felt when she killed the Archdemon?" Lia didn't want to say it out loud, but considering the woman died that day, she could imagine that all she felt was either pain or a peaceful bliss, knowing that she was doing the right thing. "You know they say the Hero and the Warden-Commander were in love," the woman changed the subject. Lia watched as Mhairi looked away. "I've never known such luxury. I doubt I ever will now."

"You never know," Lia began, "they say you find love in the oddest places."

Mhairi let out a short laugh. "I guess you can," she agreed. "May I ask you another thing?"

The youngest Cousland smirked. "Was that it?"

Mhairi rolled her eyes and laughed again. "No, silly," she said, "but seriously, I was wondering…" Lia watched her hesitate as she bit her lower lip. "If I don't survive, will you tell my family? Will you bring them my sword?"

It was an honorable thing that she was being asked. Lia nodded. "I promise."

* * *

><p>"Commander." Alistair turned to see Kristoff standing before him. A small eyebrow rose, coaxing him to begin with the reason he was there. "I've…received some disturbing news that I wish to speak with you about." He wasn't sure what to think, but Alistair knew that in his position, he had to hear everything out. Well, at least dealing with Kristoff would be better than dealing with nobles.<p>

"What is it?"

"There have been reports about groups of refugees leaving the Bannorn just disappearing," Kristoff replied. "We didn't think that they were darkspawn attacks because they were so organized, but I don't believe that is the case anymore." It was disturbing to think that the beasts had developed so much that they were capable of doing such a thing, but since he had met the Architect, Alistair wasn't sure what to expect when it came to them anymore. He thought that he knew the enemy but… he didn't know. He brought up a hand and scratched the back of his neck.

"And the latest news?" He knew that he was going to have to send more Wardens to investigate.

"I have a lead on someone," he answered, "but the man isn't in the city. He's expected in a fortnight and I will find him then."

"Thank you," Alistair said to the older man. "The faster we find this…traitor, the sooner we can save lives."

"I agree."

"Do you know who it is?"

"A man named Cyril." Shit. Shit. Shit. Alistair ran a hand down his face. He knew the man. He was a squawky little merchant in the city. Damn it, how could the man do such a thing?

"_I don't like this."_ Not now, Evie. _"How do you know he's not setting you up?"_ Alistair wasn't sure, but he knew that he had to set his personal feelings aside for the people he was supposed to protect. She would understand that, wouldn't she? _"Be careful."_ Wasn't he always?

"Will you be at the Joining tonight?" The Warden-Commander asked. Kristoff nodded. Good. Besides Kristoff, Varel would be there and be the one conducting the ceremony. Out of the recruits, Alistair knew that only a few would survive if they were lucky.

"It is customary," he replied. "They seem promising." Indeed the recruits did. He had watched them over the past few days. As his customs were, it was time for their Joining. No one had left. To his surprise, Lady Cousland-

"_Lia,"_ Evie corrected him.

To his surprise, Lia was still there. She hadn't run home to Highever. He had watched as a little group of friends formed between her, Mhairi, Ren, Jax and Seph. "May the Maker watch over them," Alistair muttered. Oh, there was one thing he forgot. "Are the Templars still here with that mage?"

Kristoff sighed. "Do I have permission to speak freely?"

Alistair let out a small laugh. "Since when did you need permission?" He asked, but got a grin in return. "What is it?"

"Jax requests we give the mage a chance," Kristoff replied. "Apparently, they knew each other in the Circle. I overheard talk that the Rite of Tranquility is going to be performed on the mage once they take him back to Lake Calenhad." Alistair watched the older man and tried his best to not let his emotions get the best of him. Evie had told him of her times in the Circle. Things hadn't been as bad in the Ferelden Circle as they were in other countries, but there were still Templars that tried awful…evil…things on the apprentices. She swore that she had never been touched due to her status with the First Enchanter. The possibilities made his blood boil.

Jax was a good judge of character. What leader was he if he didn't trust his men? He remembered when he questioned Evie about her unwavering trust of their Blighted group. He still couldn't believe that she trusted Zevran and Morrigan. _"Look what happened with that…"_ What an un-Evie-like thing to say. Alistair's eyebrows furrowed together. _"Where was Morrigan that night?"_ That was true. He had last seen the witch leave Evie's room and then she disappeared. _"No matter. That is in the past."_

"I will speak with the Templars," Alistair told his Sergeant. Kristoff nodded. It wasn't a secret about his past training. The Warden-Commander could only hope the Templars weren't ones that he trained with.

* * *

><p>Laughter. Why did everyone tend to laugh at him in mid conversation? Alistair came to the conclusion that the Maker hated him as he stared at the grayed face of the man that had trained him as a Templar. Ser Cole was a ruthless bastard when he had known him. The Warden-Commander had <em>fond<em> memories of the man throttling him relentlessly for not taking vows. Ah, thanks to Duncan he was able to escape. "You?" Cole asked. "You're the Warden-Commander?"

"What of it?" Alistair asked. He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "May I remind you, Ser-"

"Knight-Captain," Cole corrected him. He couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"May I remind you, Knight-Captain, that you are in my Keep, where I am not only Warden-Commander, but Arl as well. I will not hesitate to send you and your men out of my gates right on your asses." His old "mentor" seemed shocked to be spoken to in such a manner, but Alistair was feeling good enough to press his luck. "What is the mage's charge to receive the Rite of Tranquility?"

"Andraste's flaming knickers," the blond groaned, "I knew it."

"Murder," Cole replied.

Alistair looked past the Knight-Captain to the mage. "Is it true?"

"No," he replied, "it's just my seventh time escaping. They'll say anything to keep me on their path and set an example. It's not like it'll make a difference what I say to them. They're convinced otherwise."

"_Conscript him."_

_**Is that what you would do?**_ He mentally asked.

"_Yes."_ That was good enough for him.

"Well, Knight-Captain," Alistair began, "I conscript this mage into my custody."

"What!" Cole yelled. To his credit, Alistair didn't flinch.

"He is to become a Grey Warden."

The mage laughed. "Become a mindless drone or fight darkspawn?" He asked. "I'll take my chances with the darkspawn thank you, Mr. Templar."

"You can't do this!" Cole protested.

"I believe I just did," Alistair said. He was a vision of calm, mostly because he knew that they couldn't do anything about it. "The Grey Wardens still have the right to use the Rite of Conscription. I will expect his phylactery to be handed over to the Wardens soon. If not, I will be speaking with Greagoir; he is your Knight-Commander is he not?" By the look on Cole's face, he had been correct. Without another word, he and the rest of the Order with him stormed out of the room.

Alistair turned his attention to the new recruit. "What's your name?"

"Anders," the mage replied.

"I'm Warden-Commander Alistair Theirin." He shook the mage's hand. The blond seemed hesitant, but a ridiculous grin spread across his face.

"So are we going to do this or what?"

Well, he had spirit. He would give him that much. He nodded a bit and made a motion for the mage to follow him to the throne room of the Keep where the others were probably already waiting. On the way, he asked Garevel to make sure that the Templars were properly escorted out of Vigil's Keep. Maker, he was going to hear it later from either the Grand Cleric or Anora herself.

Alistair watched as two friends were reunited. If only it was under better circumstances. Jax then left Anders's side to join the other Wardens behind the line of six waiting recruits. What the new mage didn't see was the grim look on his friend's face, as the others knew it was a rarity for all recruits in one Joining to survive. It was too late for anyone to back out. Anyone who dared to leave would die. He remembered when Duncan ran his sword through Ser Jory before the man tried to escape mid-ritual. It was a sad thing to see, and back then he did not have the heart to understand… but now? Now, he was a different man. Now, he would do as Duncan did before him if any tried to leave.

Varel held the chalice with the darkspawn blood and Kristoff started the ritual, "Since the first, these words have been spoken at the ceremony: Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. And that one day we shall join you." He handed the chalice to Lia and Alistair prayed to the Maker that her foreswearing her family would not come back to bite her in the ass in some sort of morbid karma.

Lia brought the chalice to her lips and drank the blood. He watched as she cringed slightly. Her eyes turned white and she brought her hands over her face. He heard a sharp breath being sucked in and she fell back. Varel went forward and knelt beside her to check her pulse. "She lives," he announced. Thank the Maker.

"Anders," Kristoff said, "Step forward." The mage did as he was told and let out a small gulp.

"We drink the darkspawn blood and that's it?" He asked.

"Yes," Kristoff replied, "that's it."

"Well all right, but if I wake up two weeks from now on a ship bound for Rivain in nothing but my small clothes and a tattoo on my forehead, I'm blaming you." Even then Kristoff wouldn't be bothered to crack a smile. "Right then," Anders said as he was handed the chalice. He took a long gulp and fell back. As Varel had done before with Lia, he made sure that Anders was still alive.

"That's two, Commander," he said. "Perhaps the Maker is watching over us after all."

Oh, how he had been wrong. The next few recruits all doubled over while drinking the blood. Their hands went to their throats as they choked for air. Their eyes rolled in the back of their heads and some even screamed until their body laid face down on the floor. Alistair had to look away. Even the hardest of the Wardens, Kristoff, had done the same. He whispered a small prayer for the passing of the dead. Then it was Mhairi's turn. He turned to look at her, wanting to give her the support that she looked like she so desperately wanted.

"_Poor sods."_ Indeed. He watched as Mhairi took the chalice.

"This is the moment I've been waiting for," she said and sipped the blood. The chalice dropped out of her hands and she fell to her knees. Alistair didn't think that he was ever going to forget her screams.

* * *

><p>Lia shot up out of her bed. Her hands went to her stomach and trailed up to her chest, then came to rest finally on her head as her palms pressed against her temples. "What in Andraste's name happened?" She asked aloud to no one in particular, but jumped when a voice replied.<p>

"You survived," the voice said and then there was a girlish laugh. "Sorry. Didn't mean to startle you." Seph plopped down at the foot of her bed. "It's good to see you up." She offered her a smile and made a motion with her thumb over to another recruit. "Anders there still hasn't woken up, though he's snoring now, so I gather he really is passed out."

"I don't know how he could be sleeping. My head is pounding like I've drunken a dwarf under the table!" Lia shook her head and the other woman chuckled.

"It's not that bad."

"What of the others?" She watched as Seph's features became solemn. Lia felt her gut wrench as she thought of Mhairi. Her eyes darted around the room in search of her friend, only to find her lively face missing. No. She must have been out with Nike or… Her eyes watered as she watched Nike come into vision from the floor. He moved to be closer to her and nudged her arm with his cold nose. Her lower lip trembled and she petted him for comfort. "What of Mhairi?"

"I'm sorry." Lia's body racked with a sob and she covered her mouth with one hand. She should have been prepared for such a thing, but no amount of preparation could hinder the pain that came. Her fingers curled in her hair as she brought her knees up to her chest. She felt the tender touch of comfort on her back. She let the tears fall, unashamed that it caused the other mage to wake up. Arms enveloped her and it was welcomed. He let out an awkward cough and Lia looked up to see Seph shoot a glare his way.

"I get it," Anders said. "As much as I love seeing two ladies in an embrace, I'll take it as my cue to go. Nice…er…meeting you, Red."

Lia pulled back and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hands. "Who was he talking to?"

Seph let out a small snort of laughter despite the moment. "You," she replied. "You don't want to know what he's been calling me. I'd much prefer Red over it."

"What does he call you?"

"My Lady Bosom."

Lia cringed. "You're right. I much prefer Red."

Seph placed a hand on her shoulder. "Listen to me, ok?" She nodded. "You all knew the risks coming into this place. It is why Alistair gave you lot a chance to change your mind. The Commander keeps no secrets from those in his charge. Mhairi was a promising warrior. You two seemed to be good friends. It's hard to mourn a loss of a friend. If you ever need to talk about it, I'll always be around."

"Did you lose anyone close to you during the Joining?"

Seph nodded. "I took a shining to this lad named Gerod," she told her. "He had just come in from Orlais and we spent some time together. Ah, before you say anything, it wasn't like that." Lia thought that the blush on her cheeks suggested otherwise, but who was she to judge? "Jax was there for me to talk to. I was the only one to survive my Joining."

"Thank you," Lia said, "for the talk." She sniffled and wiped at her nose. She remembered the promise that she made Mhairi and she intended to keep it.

"Anytime."

"How long have I been out?"

"Not long. It's night time now, I just wanted to come check on you-" Her sentence was cut short by the sound of horns. "Shit," Seph muttered and got up quickly.

"What is it?" Lia stood and collected her things. Nike started to bark and the sounds of screams from the courtyard echoed into the building.

"We're under attack."


	5. The Messenger

**A/N:** _Thank you to everyone who reviewed and alerted this. I hope I replied to you all. I'm sorry this took so long to write. I don't even like it. –sighs- I had a lot of stuff going on these past months. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I'm looking forward to more regular updates. Thanks to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ always for being my beta. _

"Almost Alright"

_I don't wanna change the world  
>I just wanna leave it colder<br>Light the fuse and burn it up  
>Take the path that leads to nowhere<br>All is lost again  
>But I'm not giving in<em>

_-"I Will Not Bow" by Breaking Benjamin_

Chaos erupted around them. Alistair shouted orders while his Wardens aligned for attack. "Mages to the wall, attack on sight!" The group did as he commanded. The gates were broken and darkspawn spewed in. He felt his stomach drop at the sight of it all. It couldn't have been another horde, but it was a well organized attack; almost too well. His shield bore down on the darkspawn closest to him. His sword cut through acrid flesh and Barker flew past him as his jaws sank into the neck of a hurlock. Vigil's Keep was the last line of protection for Amaranthine. They would not fall.

Fire erupted in front of the gates. Arrows blacked the sky. Mabaris tore at limbs. A sick stench hung in the air from burning flesh, the natural stink of the darkspawn and the dying. Black blood spilled against the ground. Bodies fell. This needed to stop. He had to protect those that couldn't fight that were living at the Keep. He could not lose more men. The familiarity of it all was uncanny. Perhaps it was the feeling of loss that came with these types of attacks. Perhaps it was something else. Alistair could swear he could fight the battle with his eyes closed. No, it was not arrogance. It was something else…He had a sense of déjà vu. Yes, he knew that he had gone through many battles against darkspawn before but this, this had meaning. This…

"_You're distracting yourself."_

"Oh, sorry," he grumbled. Familiar faces joined the surged. Magic pulsed passed him. He turned to see Jax and Anders coming up behind him. Lia and Seph led a line of men on the left while Ren and Kristoff took the right. If there was ever a moment that he was proud of being Warden Commander, it was then as his Wardens fought bravely to defend the Keep.

"Commander?" It was Jax. Alistair looked at the two mages beside him. The others were already defending the dead.

"What do you need us to do?" Anders asked.

Time seemed to slow around them as he debated. "Jax, heal the wounded. Any you can save, save," Alistair ordered. He grabbed the front of his robes. "Don't stop until you are done and that's a direct order from me." The other man nodded and went off. Alistair turned his attention to Anders. This probably wasn't what he had signed up for. "You, with me," he told him.

Together they helped pushed back the invading lines with the rest of the Wardens. Alistair swore that he'd take them all to the Crown and Lion and start a tab on him. They would all need it after the day was done.

"_You're missing something."_

"Evie?" He could feel a darkspawn calling out to him, which one, he wasn't sure, but it was there. The taint in it beckoned, unlike the other beasts around them. Alistair froze and he turned his head slowly to look behind him. The Messenger. Oh, he had seen him before. What…What was he doing there? Was the Architect trying to get his attention? His heart felt like a fist had cruelly clenched around it and squeezed as hard as it could. He watched the Messenger run in the opposite direction of where the other darkspawn were heading.

"_Follow him!"_

Alistair didn't want to leave everyone. He let out a frustrated yell, but in the end he always did what he was told by the woman. He sprinted after it, hoping to get some answers or at least hoping to beat it out of him.

* * *

><p>Where was he?<p>

"Why are you running?" Anders asked. "Shouldn't we be back there? Not that I'm complaining, away from darkspawn and all." Alistair narrowed his eyes as they tried to adjust to the dark. "Are we near the Deep Roads?" A smart comment almost escaped him, but he held it in.

"_Be nice. It's his first time. Remember what we were like…"_ He really didn't want to. He'd been with Evie, Zevran and Oghren the first time that he traveled to the Deep Roads. Their fearless leader had had nightmares of their time down there from the time they left to the time of her…death.

"_Don't think about that now."_ He silently apologized to his love. His eyes closed for a brief moment, wishing that she was in his shoes and he was the one following her orders.

That was when he had heard the sound of someone coming up behind them. The Warden Commander whirled around, sword up, only to come face to face with a full head of red hair. "What are you doing here?" He asked. He had hoped to go on this hunt alone, especially if the Architect had a message for him, because Maker did Alistair have words for him as well. But Anders had followed him and now _her._ Why couldn't they all just leave him be? Oh, that's right. They looked to him for guidance, to lead. Maker help them all.

Lia smirked a bit and twirled her daggers in her hands. "I figured you'd need a rogue, Commander," she replied. He wouldn't be bothered by correcting her with his name. She was right, so he wouldn't protest, for now. "Where are we heading?" If only he had an answer for that. He turned back to the door of the building on the out skirts of the Keep. There was no way that the Messenger could have gone anywhere else.

He…he needed an explanation. Why he would even begin to rely on a darkspawn was beyond him. He needed to keep reminding himself that the Architect was still just that. They couldn't change. They would never change. He knew that his two recruits where waiting for him to reply. Oddly enough he felt better that it was them rather than those who had been with him for so long.

"The Deep Roads," Alistair finally answered. "They had to have gotten to the surface quicker somehow…" Yes. That was it. Give them a sensible reason instead of having to chase one of the talking ones, he thought.

"Joy," Anders piped up, "we can be their welcoming committee. Anyone have signs? No signs? Damn."

"Did you come up with that one your own?" Lia asked.

The mage beamed proudly. "Been working on it all day, sweetheart."

Alistair shook his head and went inside the building. It was quiet. Oddly quiet. The Messenger had to be here somewhere and he didn't have that name without reason. Nothing was ever without reason, and Alistair had learned that the hard way. His sword was drawn and his pace was slow. The Templar side of him could feel the magic radiating from Anders. The mage was nervous, and with good reason too.

"Stop!" Lia cried and Alistair froze. He turned his head to look at the red-haired lady. She gave him a sheepish look as she crouched down in front of him. In any normal circumstance he probably would have blushed. It didn't help hearing Anders snickering behind him though. "Trap," she replied to his unvoiced question. He glanced down to see her uncover and disarm the thing.

"Thanks," he muttered and continued on. What he didn't see was the glances traded by the two behind him. They must have thought him mad.

"_You're getting closer." _

"Thank you," he said.

"What?" Anders. Damn. They were listening.

He was sure that he was going to be deemed crazy by the end of this. They would take away his rank and send him to Weisshaupt. What good would an insane Warden do for the 'greater purpose'? None, that's what. Andraste guide him, was he wrong about coming down there? Was he wrong to follow the Messenger? What of his men? Those who were counting on him? Surely he had disappointed them by leaving them to their own battles. He was supposed to be a leader, their leader. Well, he guessed that it showed now that he never wanted the position. Oh, the First Warden was going to hear about this, he was sure of it.

Alistair had opened his mouth to reply when he heard someone yelling. "Come on you boot licking mother of a nug! You sorry bastard! Why I oughta…" The voice actually brought some comfort to him. He should ask what in the Void the sod was doing there. The Warden Commander took off in another sprint and the other two followed. He didn't stop until he saw the red-haired dwarf cutting down the darkspawn effortlessly. Each one fell, lifeless thanks to the overly large swinging axe wielded by an old friend and oh, how he was a sight for sore eyes.

"Oghren!"

The dwarf turned around. "About sodding time!" He yelled. Alistair grinned and the four cleared the room out in no time. The Commander wiped away the blood staining his face and he sheathed his sword. Some things never really changed, did they?

"What are you doing here?" He asked his old friend. The possibilities were endless really. "You do realize there's a darkspawn attack, don't you?" His eyes narrowed at the dwarf as he tried to suppress a smile.

Oghren let out a short laugh. "When's that ever stopped me, boy?" He asked. "Shouldn't you be following that thing that came down here?" Alistair's eyes widened. So he was right after all. It had made his decision to leave the battle worth it, though he was sure Kristoff would have a thing or two to say about it later. Not that he cared, of course.

"Did you see him?"

Oghren nodded and made a motion behind him. "Bastard slipped out while this wave came in. You going that way?" Alistair nodded. "Well count me in."

* * *

><p>"Ugh, what is that smell?" Lia brought up a hand as they found themselves in the dungeon area. She swatted away the cob webs that seemed to try to block their path. They had gone through undead skeletons, rotting corpses, and more darkspawn. She felt guilty that they weren't on the surface with the others but if this was where the Commander felt he was needed, who was she to argue?<p>

"I believe that might be our little dwarven friend," Anders commented. Even with everything they had just fought their way through, he still had a sense of humor. Lia had to hand it to the mage. "He does smell like a rotten brewery."

"Watch it, sparklefingers," the dwarf, Oghren, snapped at him. Anders only laughed in response.

"Still brew your own, Oghren?" Alistair asked.

Anders let out a small gasp. "You make your own?" He asked. "Why am I not surprised?"

Lia smirked a bit. "I believe that was my line."

As much as she wanted to relax, she couldn't. Her eyes still darted from every corner to the next, looking for the enemy. She had heard once that Grey Wardens could feel when darkspawn were near. If the wrenching in her gut wasn't fear, she was willing to bet a few sovereigns that was what it was.

Lia's eyes finally rested on Alistair's broad shoulders. She watched him as they made their way through the catacombs below the Keep. He had said there was a Deep Roads entrance somewhere but they had yet to find it. Her instincts told her that there was something more to this. Her father had always taught her to trust those instincts, yet in that moment, doubt entered her, staining her thoughts and made her hesitant to even speak up. "I think we've cleared all the darkspawn out, maybe we should see how the surface is doing?" It was merely a suggestion and one that she didn't think would be shot down so quickly.

"If they needed us, they would find us," Alistair shot back at her.

"Unless they're dead," Anders piped in. Oh, he would say that…

"Anders!" Lia exclaimed with a little exasperation. "Really? Must you?"

"What? I'm just saying, you know. Well, I guess this is better than going back to the Circle," the mage said and punctuated with a wink. The youngest Cousland rolled her eyes slightly. "Oh, come on, Red. You love it." She cracked a smile, a small one mind you, but it was still a smile.

Alistair let out a groan. "I don't think we're going to find anything down here." Lia wondered if it was more than a Deep Roads entrance that he was looking for.

"Look over there," Oghren said, pointing ahead of them.

Their eyes followed to find a cavernous hole. "That must be where they're getting in," Alistair said. He sighed. "Let's get Dworkin and close this up before any more come through."

* * *

><p>The surface was a mess, but the Wardens had won the battle. Nike found her and nudged his nose against her leg. Lia leaned down and scratched the Mabari hound behind his ears. She kneeled down on the ground and wrapped her arms around her oldest friend. "I'm glad you made it," she said. "Sorry I left you behind, boy." Nike huffed and she kissed the top of his head, not caring about the grime and dirt that caked it.<p>

She looked around to see dead bodies being carted away, mages attempting to heal whoever they could, families holding each other close and the sullen looks of the soldiers. Some were hysterical, believing that the darkspawn would be back. Lia had no words for them. How could she? No one seemed to be able to offer proper solace to those in need.

Kristoff had a few choice words for the Warden Commander and Lia let the two men battle it out as she went to check on her friends. Jax was busy healing the wounded as Anders helped. Seph ran up to her, out of breath. "They took him," she said. Lia's eyebrows creased together in confusion.

"Took who?" She asked.

"Ren. Those bastards took Ren. Are you guys going back down there? I'm coming with."

Lia shook her head. "Alistair's closing the hole," she told her.

"No!" Seph cried. "He can't! That's our friend down there!"

"We didn't see anyone being taken down there," she tried to explain. Seph didn't look convinced. Lia could feel her pain. She wanted to try to comfort her friend and reassure her that the Dalish elf was fine. He'd been through worse. He'd survive. But she wasn't so sure herself.

"Fine," she said, "but I'm coming down there with you guys."

Before she could say anything else, Alistair called for her, Oghren and Anders. She watched as Kristoff stormed away and she knew it was time for them to go back to the catacombs. "It's always one problem after the other," Alistair complained.

"What is it?" Lia asked before readjusting her daggers around her belt.

"Seems that we have a thief amongst us who tried to steal during the attack," he replied. "He refuses to give his name. I will deal with him later."

"Ah, the fucker's not worth it, Commander," Oghren said.

"Alistair," he corrected.

"Fine," the dwarf mocked him. "Alistair. Now are we going to close some holes are what?"

"I'm coming too." Lia turned to see Seph there, true to her word. The girl really would do anything for her friends and it was admirable. Lia would not judge her for that. She offered the other red head a small smile.

The Commander sighed. "That's it, now let's go."

The group retraced their steps from earlier to get to the hole and Lia started to get a bad feeling. She bit her lower lip as she wrapped her arms around her body. It didn't take them long to get to their destination thanks to having wiped out all the monsters in their way earlier.

Once they got there, Dworkin worked carefully as he set up the explosives that would close the Deep Roads entrance. Seph anxiously waited behind everyone. "Aren't you going to go in there and look first, Commander?" She asked. Alistair didn't say a word. Lia watched as the Commander just stared into the whole as if he was looking for something in the darkness.

"Alright," Dworkin announced. "Should be a standard blow, in one…two…"

Lia watched in horror as Alistair jumped through the whole. She cursed to the Maker under her breath and jumped in after him.

"Three!" She heard and the ground shook.

Protests of those left behind were muted by the blast and Lia felt hard against the stone. "Maker, you are insane," Alistair's voice drifted through the darkness.

Dust encased them from the fallen stone and she let out a loud cough. "You're one to talk," she managed to choke out. She felt hands grip her shoulders and was hoisted to her feet.

"Well then," Alistair started, "guess we'd better make the best of this."

He was a complete nutter.


	6. Walk Away

**A/N:** _Thank __you __to __everyone __who __reviewed __and __alerted __this. __I __hope __I __replied __to __you __all! __Thanks __to __**Saga **__**Svanhildr **__always __for __being __my __beta __who __was __bad __and __decided __to __do __this __update __before __another! __:P __Ily. __xD __I __know __you__'__ve __all __been __waiting __for some answers and Lia and Alistair to get to know each other a little bit more__._

"Almost Alright"

_Just walk away make it easy on us both_

_Just walk away there was never any hope_

_Just walk away you already know the deal_

_Just walk away, pretend that none of this was, none of this was real_

_-"Walk Away" by Five Finger Death Punch_

"For Andraste's sake, Alistair, I think you've been taking us in circles."

Alistair paused and turned to look at Lia. How exactly would she know? He had been in the Deep Roads certainly more times than she… Oh. He watched as she pointed to a statue that they had passed at least three times already. "Well, how do you know that particular statue isn't common around these tunnels? Been in the Deep Roads much, hm?" His tone was light and it was surprising. He watched as a smile spread across her face.

"Are dwarves so unoriginal?" She teased. Alistair let out a small laugh. Evie's voice had disappeared and he knew that he should have been concerned, but he wasn't. He wasn't even concerned with the fact that they had lost the Messenger.

He winked at her. "Possibly." Was it the lack of lighting, or was there a tinge of pink creeping onto her pale cheeks?

"It's strange that we haven't seen darkspawn," she said. It seemed that her hands were itching to use her daggers. It reminded him of Evie a little. She was always ready for a fight. "They took some Wardens. They took Ren. Do you think they'll be around here?" Alistair didn't think so, and he didn't want to get her hopes up.

"We'll find them."

"I hope so."

He shook his head as he glanced up at the ceiling of the tunnel. "So is this as glorious as you pictured?"

Lia walked next to him and sighed. "I didn't picture glory when I signed up," she replied. "I knew the Wardens served a purpose and I wanted to help."

"Being the daughter of a Teyrn didn't give you enough purpose?"

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Being the son of a King didn't give you enough purpose?" Touché. "Besides," she continued, "the only voice I would have had in political debates would be what I could convince my husband to say. That's not me."

"It isn't?" He asked, curiously. He wouldn't know what it was like to grow up in the position that she had. The daughter of the only other Teyrn in Ferelden had become queen. He had half expected a similar ambition and the fact that she joined the Wardens had been an act of defiance. "Sorry," he apologized, "I'm just trying to figure you out."

She brought up a hand and tucked some red hair behind her ear. "All you had to do was ask," she said with a laugh. "But no. I was always the type of start fights; be out in the fields with the boys and what not. My mother fretted over it every moment that she could."

Alistair gave her a small smile. "Would you take it all back?" He asked. "Take back everything that you've done just for one moment to change." His thoughts lingered on the memory of standing on top of Fort Drakon as Evie's soul was ripped out of her body and destroyed.

"Yes," Lia replied. He wondered what memory she was thinking about. He nodded slowly and said nothing. Words were lost on him in awkward moments and well… this was a moment where he didn't want to say the wrong thing.

* * *

><p>Together, they continued to search for another way out. It had to be close, especially since the darkspawn had managed to attack from the front. They ran into various nasty beasts, deep stalkers, and spiders, but the two of them managed to hold back the attacks. That was until a deep stalker took a chunk out of Lia's ankle. It was her cry of pain that shot a bolt of terror through him. Alistair turned to see her fall against the stone as she became overrun with the bastards.<p>

The Warden Commander made his way to her. His sword bore down on each creature until they lay dying at his feet. He sheathed his sword and scooped Lia into his arms to move her onto an elevated rock so he could inspect her injury. "I think I can get the bleeding to stop," he told her. He sat on his knees as he reached underneath his breastplate and felt for a piece of his shirt. His fingers gripped onto the fabric and he ripped it. He opened his mouth to suggest she do the same but she was already a step ahead of him.

"Just hurry," she said through gritted teeth as she handed the cloth over. He did his best to wrap both materials over the wound tightly so the bleeding would stop. They were going to have to get out of there soon so she could get the wound properly looked after.

"I'm sorry I got you into this mess," he told her.

Lia placed a hand over his. "I'm the one that chose to follow you."

Alistair looked at their hands. It felt… he pulled his hand back quickly. "Let's just get a move on."

* * *

><p>Lia bit her lower lip. She had crossed the line and she knew it. She thought about apologizing, but she didn't want to make things more awkward. He helped her to her feet and she tested her ability to walk on her injured ankle. She winced a bit, but she could muddle through.<p>

"Oh, thank the Maker!" She knew that voice.

She looked up to see Seph and Jax heading their way. "We were beginning to think we were never going to find you," the mage said. It was a relief to see them. Alistair had managed to stop the bleeding but the wound burned. Jax immediately noticed the injury. "Here, let me help you," he offered. She leaned back against the stone wall and let him do his thing as she listened to the other two Wardens speak.

"What's the status on the surface?" Alistair asked the other red head.

Seph stiffened. "We still haven't managed to find the missing Wardens. Your nice little friend, the dwarf…what's his name?"

"Oghren."

"Yes, him," she continued, "he went scouting with Anders and Kristoff, saying that he would know the roads better than Skirt Boy and Wonder Fail." Her nose scrunched up slightly. "My words. His were more…colorful."

Lia watched Alistair look around for a moment and then he started off in the opposite direction. "Does he do this often?" She asked.

Jax smirked. "You have no idea." The three followed the Commander until they stumbled upon a familiar sight.

"No!" Seph cried before her hand covered her mouth. Lia saw Alistair bending over the broken and bloodied body of Ren. Seph looked away and buried her face in Jax's shoulder. The mage lifted a hand and touched the back of her head in a comforting notion as he stared at his lost friend.

"I can… I can heal him." Jax sounded so broken. Lia's heart went out to the two, but she thought Ren was already past that option. She looked away from the dead body as Alistair closed the elf's eyes.

"We…there's…there must be something we can do," Seph said.

Alistair looked up at them. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Something was moving in the shadows. Lia's instincts told her to watch out. They told her that it was nothing good. Could it ever be something good in the Deep Roads? "Duck!" She yelled and the four of them hit the floor as a fireball zoomed passed them. She tried to look where the spell had come from but the ground seemed to rock beneath her. The feeling of being ripped from her consciousness made her struggle to keep hold on reality.

Before she blacked out she heard, "I told you not to look for me."

* * *

><p>Lia sat happily across from Oren. "No," she said placing a card down in front of him. "Like this."<p>

"Auntie Lee, why are you teaching me this?"

She grinned a bit at him. "It'll be useful someday, trust me." One eyebrow rose slightly and she showed him her cards. He did the same. "I win!" She exclaimed with a hearty laugh.

"Why do you always win?" She leaned forward and ruffled her nephew's dark hair. The innocence of a child was too easily corrupted sometimes. Maker, Fergus was going to kill her.

"Because I cheat," she replied. Oren looked guilty as he glanced upwards. She followed his eyes and turned to see her father coming in.

"And what do we say about cheating?" Bryce asked.

"That it's bad," Oren said. The patriarch of the Cousland family laughed and looked back at Lia. She didn't like the look on her father's face. The sadness there was foreign. The pain etched into his features made her heart hurt to look at.

"What's wrong, papa?" She asked as she stood up. She glanced back at Oren who seemed to be glaring at her father. She looked back at Bryce and her father touched the side of her face.

"How long would you have stayed with me, Pup?" He asked. She stared into the eyes that they shared and felt a lump forming in her throat. This was wrong. This was not how things were supposed to happen. He didn't belong here. Or was she the one who didn't belong?

"Forever," she whispered.

He kissed the top of her head. "I know," he said, "but you can't. This is a dream. You don't belong here. You need to wake up, Pup. Wake up now."

"No!" Oren cried. She whirled around to see the body of her nephew disappear, only to be replaced by a demon. She recognized it from her father's teaching when she was young. It was a desire demon. "You are mine!" It hissed at her. Her father slumped to the ground next to her and it was her turn to cry out.

No coherent words left her lips. The feral cry was too much for even her own ears. She couldn't have lost her father twice. No, no, no. Not now. She pulled her daggers out and rammed them into the stomach of the demon. She pulled one out before spinning and stabbing it in the neck. Lia pulled her daggers out of the demon. "I will not let you hold onto me further." She watched as it burst into flames.

Lia turned and fell to her knees next to her father's body. She pulled him close to her. "I'm sorry," she cried. "I failed you. I'm so sorry." Tears ran down her face and she shut her eyes tightly. Her hands gripped onto his shoulders as she shook violently. She felt like she was going to get sick. This wasn't supposed to happen. Not like this. Where was Fergus? Where was her mother?

"Bless the Maker you are in one piece." Her head shot up and her eyes opened. The blonde man in front of her was familiar but she couldn't place him.

"Do I know you?" She asked slowly. He knelt down in front of her and nodded.

"You do," he told her. "It's me. Jax. Don't worry. The memories will come back to you." He offered her a small smile. What he said made sense, but it didn't at the same time. "It's ok. We're friends."

"Friends?" She asked to make sure that she had heard correctly. Her eyebrows furrowed together. "If we're friends, how could you let this happen?" She demanded.

Jax bit his lower lip. "This isn't real," he told her. "We've been trapped in the Fade. We have to find the others and get out of here."

"This isn't real?"

"No." He shook his head. "This is just a desire. One that you broke out of. I don't understand how, but you're free of the demon. I can't say the same about Seph or Alistair. I need your help." Lia wanted to believe him. She felt feelings stirring within her at the mention of the names. She nodded slowly.

"What was your desire?" She asked.

Jax's cheeks turned red. "That's a little private, don't you think?"

"Then how do I know you are telling the truth?" Her stubbornness kicked in. He could be another demon, couldn't he?

"Lots of children running around… and Seph smiling at me" was his reply. Lia's eyes widened slightly and she felt embarrassed that she had made him tell her. "Do you believe me know?" She nodded. "Let's go."

"Ok," she told him as he offered his hand to her. She looked down to see that her father was no longer in her arms. "Goodbye," she whispered before taking Jax's hand. He led her to a strange statue and he touched it.

The green fog that had appeared around them started to fade and they were met with the sight of Seph standing in front of Jax. A ribbon bound their hands together as Alistair stood in front of them smiling. He seemed to be saying something, but she couldn't hear the words. Lia saw shimmers of people they knew around them. She looked past what had to be a wedding and saw the islands floating around them. Her mouth gaped open. She couldn't believe it. Would she remember this? Oh Maker, it was all too much. How did the mages handle any of this?

"I can't believe what I'm seeing," she heard Jax say next to her. She turned to look at him.

"What?" She asked. "You aren't that blind to how she looks at you, are you?" He blushed again so she took it as a yes.

"I take it you remember now," he said.

"Yes," she replied, "sorry about my momentary lapse…" Her voice trailed off as she thought about her family.

"It's understandable," he told her. "We have to free her now." Jax walked ahead of her and cleared his throat loudly.

Seph whirled around quickly to look at him. Her eyes widened and she looked back at the Jax in front of her. "What is this?" She asked. She glanced down at her hands where the ribbon that had bound her to the Fade's version of Jax had disappeared. She took a step back. "I don't understand." She looked for Alistair but the version of him had disappeared as well.

"Seph," Jax started, "listen to me." She seemed to be. "He's not real. I am." He moved closer to her. "You know… this was how I pictured our wedding as well."

"How do I know you're real?"

"Maker, what is it with you women doubting me?" He smirked a bit and Lia smiled as she watched. He reached out to Seph and pulled her closer. She looked away as the two kissed. Well, maybe that would be enough for her to believe him. She took a peek back in time to see the Fade version of their friendly neighborhood mage turn into a demon. She threw one of her daggers at it just to watch the blade slice through its skull. Jax turned and with a wave of his hand the demon went down in flames.

"Well," Seph started, "that was unexpected."

Lia let out a small laugh. "One more to go."

* * *

><p>Alistair pulled back from her. Evie. His Evie. Her soft dark curls framed her face and her amber eyes shone brightly as she looked up at him. She grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him into a kiss. "I've missed you," she whispered as she broke their lips apart. "I was wondering when you were going to get here." Alistair shook his head. That snark would never cease to amaze him.<p>

"I'm sorry it took so long, love," he told her. "I've been looking for you everywhere."

"I was always here," she told him. Her fingers laced with his and she gave his hand an affectionate squeeze. "I'm always with you, you know that right?"

He nodded. He did. He knew that he would never leave her and she, him. He wanted to ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that something was wrong. Nothing could be wrong with her in his arms. Her beautiful smile graced her even more beautiful features. Maker, he was a lucky man, wasn't he? "Can I stay here with you?" He asked.

She let go of his hand and cupped both of hers against his face. Her thumbs stroked his cheekbones and her finger tips grazed his jaw line. "Forever, my love." He liked the sound of that. He closed his eyes. Everything was perfect. It was. They could go on living their lives, have children and grow old happily together. It was what they deserved after everything. "Is that a deal then?"

His eyes opened quickly. "What?" He asked. That was a funny way of wording things, wasn't it?

"Don't listen to her, Alistair." He turned his head to see Seph, Lia, and Jax standing there. What were they doing there? Wasn't it rather rude of them to barge in on the moment? He made a mental note of reminding himself to tell them off later about it. After all, they were in the Keep. "We're in the Fade," Jax tried to explain to him. No, that wasn't true. He had been in the Fade before and he would know if he happened to get trapped there again.

"She's a demon," Lia added.

Alistair felt his blood boil at the words. "How dare you!" He exclaimed. "Show some respect. She's the Hero of Ferelden."

Seph glanced down at her feet and then back at him. "The hero is dead, Commander," she told him. Her voice was stern, but gentle. The conviction there wasn't something that could be easily ignored.

But he tried his damnedest. "Alistair," Lia said softly. "It's time to go."

"I don't want to go," he whispered. What if they were wrong? What if Evie had managed to leave the Maker's side to come back for him? That was something she would have done. She would have defied all odds just for him…just to be with him. Fate couldn't stop her. Evie sighed next to him.

"He said you were easily fooled," she said. Annoyance laced her voice. They were right. They were completely right. His shoulders slumped as he looked at her, the demon who wore the face of the one woman who was his undoing. "I didn't think they'd escape. It took me long enough to get you here, I'm not going to let you go easily."

He was stupid. So, so stupid. He turned slowly to face his love. He felt his lower lip quiver but he fought to keep his resolve. "But I've been hearing your voice for so long," he said. She rolled her eyes. As if she had the right to be the annoyed one.

"That should tell you how long I've been lingering," she told him and placed a hand on her hip. "It would have been easier if you were magical, but I managed to reel you in before they came."

"You were just a demon this whole time?"

"Don't pretend to be shocked, dear Warden!" She exclaimed. "Somewhere deep inside of you, you knew this whole time. He sent me, you know. Scary thing, conjuring demons, isn't it?" She snapped her fingers and turned into a desire demon.

Alistair felt his heart drop. He knew who 'he' was. The Architect had set this whole thing up and he wasn't going to let this one go easily. No. He couldn't. His fists clenched at his sides. Evie had been the one memory he clung to. He hadn't cried since the day he had said goodbye to her before they burned her body on the funeral pyre. "You knew everything," he said softly. That had been the proverbial salt in his wounds. He tried not to sound defeated, especially in front of the others. He had tried so hard to be the leader the Wardens deserved when he thought that the leader they needed had died stopping the Blight.

The demon pursed its lips. "All your deep, darks secrets and desires," she told him, "you can still have them. A blissful life with Evie, one you could never have without me."

But that meant leaving behind his responsibilities, people he loved, his friends… he couldn't do that. The real Evie would have never wanted him to do such a thing. She wouldn't have coaxed him into selfishness. She had only ever wanted him to stand up for himself when the situation called for it. Well, that was now and his heart was broken all over again.

And he wasn't sure he could get over it this time.

**A/N:** _I __swear __I __don__'__t __take __pleasure __in __ripping __out __my __character__'__s __hearts._


	7. The Who's, What's and the Howe's

**A/N:** _Thank you to everyone who reviewed and alerted this. I hope that I replied to you all. This one wasn't beta-ed since my beta is out of town. I hope your eyes don't burn too much lol Sorry about the switching point of views!_

"Almost Alright"

_My black eye casts no shadow_  
><em>Your red eye sees no pain<em>  
><em>Your slaps don't stick<em>  
><em>Your kicks don't hit<em>  
><em>So we remain the same<em>  
><em>Blood sticks, sweat drips<em>  
><em>Break the lock if it don't fit<em>  
><em>A kick in the teeth is good for some<em>  
><em>A kiss with a fist is better than none<em>

_-"Kiss With A Fist" by Florence and the Machine_

The demon erupted into flames, screaming as she did so, but she had kept the Hero of Ferelden's face the entire time. No one had dared to speak to their Warden Commander because they didn't know what one could or should say. As the group escaped the Fade, they woke up to Kristoff, Anders, and Oghren finding them. "Are you all alright?" Kristoff asked as he helped Alistair to his feet. Lia glanced over to him and by the look on his face, he was anything but alright. There was something different about his voice that made Lia want to reach out to him but propriety had stopped her.

"Was anyone else here when you got here?" He asked.

Kristoff shook his head. "No," he replied. "There's an exit just a clicks distance towards the south." His eyes went down to Ren's body. He sighed heavily as he bent down and picked the dead elf into his arm. "He deserves a proper funeral…"

"They all do," Alistair added quietly. "He's the only one we could find."

The other Warden nodded and led them to the exit. They were all just happy to leave the Deep Roads. Once they reached the surface they had all worked together to gather the bodies to hold a well deserved funeral for the fallen. Each body was taken care of according to the customs of where they had come from. Ren was the only Dalish in the Keep and Jax had promised to plant a tree over his grave in the coming days.

They were dismissed to go back to their quarters when Kristoff looked like he wanted to speak. "There is still the manner of the thief," he said.

A dejected Alistair looked up to his friend. "Deal with him, I just…" The older man nodded. He had been told what happened and understood.

"Go on, I will handle the situation," he reassured the Warden Commander before Alistair walked off. "The rest of you are dismissed." Lia was the only one still remaining, with Nike beside her, as the others grouped further to the side. She didn't want to be a part of their little group, not yet at least since she was still a little shaken from the Fade. "Is there something you need Warden?" Kristoff asked.

She nodded. "I don't wish to go back to my quarters just yet," Lia told him. "I still feel like I need a moment to shake off the Deep Roads."

"Others say you jumped into the Deep Roads after the Warden Commander," Kristoff began, eyebrow raised. "It was foolish but brave."

"No one should go down there alone," she said. She did her best not to look much more into it than there really was.

Kristoff agreed with her. "Was it your first time?" He asked. She just nodded even though the answer itself was obvious. She had thought that she had faced worse but learned that it wasn't so. "Would you like to come with me to deal with the thief?"

Lia just nodded again. "If anything, I could use the practice."

"Good. Maybe we can use your mabari if he refuses to talk." Both smiled before heading to the holding cells.

* * *

><p>"What's this? The great Warden Commander couldn't make an appearance himself? After all, he was there when my father was murdered, the least he could do is give me that much of a courtesy as I was kept in here during a darkspawn attack. Gracious host."<p>

Lia stopped at the door when she heard the voice. A ghost of her past had come to haunt her. First the Fade had cruelly used her wishes against her and now….well, it was too much to bear. Her lower lip quivered as Kristoff brushed passed her. She hadn't seen or spoken to the owner of the voice in years. The Maker was playing tricks on her, she was sure of it. It couldn't have possibly been Nate, the last time she had asked about him, Howe had told her that he was in the Free Marches and that he wasn't coming back.

"Has he been like this the whole time?" She heard Kristoff asked.

"Yes, sir," the guard answered, "claims he only wanted a family heirloom but I don't believe him. He doesn't look a damn thing like Rendon Howe."

"Pompous ass, come closer and say that."

"Enough," Kristoff interrupted. "What is your name, boy?"

"Nathaniel Howe," Lia spoke up. She wasn't sure the other men in the room had heard her. "He's the only living son of the man who orchestrated the murder of my family." She sounded more spiteful than she had originally thought she would have. Her anger threatened to get the best of her. She hadn't been able to get retribution on Howe but as Nate looked at her, she knew she would be satisfied with beating him instead.

"Lia…" Nate breathed out.

"Surprised to see me?" She asked, bitterly before she moved further into the room but kept herself a careful distance away from the cell. "Well, your father didn't count on Fergus being alive and my escape. It's a shame I couldn't have been there to watch the Hero of Ferelden kill him. No one mourned his death."

"Would you like me to guess how many people feel the same way about your father?" He asked.

"My father was a good man." Lia's voice wavered but she wouldn't cower back. She couldn't. Nike growled by her side, crouched in a defensive position even though Nathaniel couldn't come at her through the bars.

"So was mine!"

"Don't you dare compare them!" She screamed. "Your father was a monster and got what he deserved."

"Your family brought it on themselves for being the bloody traitors they were," he snapped back at her.

Lia flung herself towards the cell, dagger in hand. She grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him against the cold metal as she pressed her dagger against his neck. "Choose your words carefully, Howe because they may be your last," she hissed between her teeth. "Speak about my family again and I'll kill you myself."

"Enough, Warden," Kristoff said behind her. She felt a firm hand grip her shoulder that guided away from Nathaniel. She sheathed her dagger and turned away, ashamed of the tears that wanted to flow. She shut her eyes tightly and her superior continued to speak. "You say you just want an heirloom? We sealed off the treasury because of the darkspawn attack. You are a thief and you as a Howe should know the laws against thievery in Amaranthine, written by your father, warrant death or time in Fort Drakkon."

"Do what you wish," Nate told him.

"The alternative is for you to become a Warden, atone for your family sins in the eyes of the Maker or face your death," Kristoff countered.

Lia whirled around. "What!" She exclaimed. "You can't do that!" In her short time with the Wardens she had seen anger, hate, death, sadness and now even though she didn't know Kristoff well, she had felt a sense of betrayal. The order was too good for Nathaniel to join. He didn't deserve it.

"Our numbers have fallen since the attack," he replied, "I suggest you back down. It is my decision since the Warden Commander is currently indisposed. It is an honorable cause which you joined despite protest. I am giving him the option as well."

Was he fucking kidding her? Her hands shook. Her whole body trembled in anger as she turned to give her…childhood friend one last look. She couldn't stand to look at him any longer. She spun on her heels and left with her ever faithful mabari by her side.

* * *

><p>"Somebody doesn't sound happy," Anders said in a singing voice.<p>

Seph was a little uneasy about eavesdropping but her curiosity got the best of her. She was ready to scold the men for eavesdropping but when the yelling started, with Lia included, she couldn't help but want to listen.

"Last time I heard a woman yell like that-" Oghren started but Jax interrupted him.

"Please…don't," he said. The dwarf slapped him on the back.

"Oh ho, kid! I'm just getting started," he exclaimed.

Seph rolled her eyes. "Men, honestly don't you think about anything else?" The other three opened their mouths to say something when Lia stormed out passed them. Perhaps it was because she was the only other female around, but she seemed like the only one that noticed that she was upset. She turned away from the direction her friend came from and look in the direction the other red head had stormed off too.

"Wonder what happened," Jax said next to her.

The men looked behind her where more came out of the building. Seph was about to go after Lia to make sure that she was okay when another voice spoke to her, "Looks like daddy's little bitch can't always get what she wants."

Wrong. Thing. To. Say. She didn't think, just reacted in defense. She could feel her berserker abilities tingling through her body, ready to unleash on the poor bastard.

Anders's eyes widened while Oghren let out a loud laugh. "Five sovereigns on her," he said and he agreed quickly.

"Seph," Jax started but she wasn't going to listen.

Her hands curled into fists and she whirled around, connecting her fist to the man's face. She felt a satisfying crunch under her knuckles. "Watch your damned mouth," she hissed at the dark haired man. "Or you're going to make enemies with the wrong people."

The dark haired man hands covered his nose and as he pulled them away from his face, blood stained his hands. "I thought you were-" She pulled out her sword quickly, the sharp tip inches away from his face. He was bold but his boldness would only get him a run through with a sword.

"Guess you better watch who you speak to like that," she snapped. She looked at Jax. "I'm going to go check on her. Deal with him, will you?" She shot the newcomer a glare before she walked off.

* * *

><p>Anders let out a long whistle. "I'd hate to get on her bad side." They really had no idea.<p>

"I like her," Oghren chimed in.

Jax couldn't help but grin slightly. "That's my girl," he said lightly. The statement alone was enough to surprise him even though the words came out of his own mouth. Was he already staking claim? He glanced at Anders, who just smirked. "Shut it," he told him and the other mage held up his hands.

"Wouldn't dare to dream of saying anything," he said.

Jax looked to see Kristoff standing there, arms folded across his chest. "Heal him." He didn't look impressed. It was in moments like those that he really wished that Alistair was around more often. The mage nodded and healed the new guy's face.

"I'm Jax," he introduced himself, "that lovely lady was Seph. The other mage over there is Anders and the smelly dwarf is Oghren."

"Smell better than you," the dwarf grumbled. Anyone with any brain would disagree.

"You smell like a brewery," Anders told him. "Do dwarves do anything other than drink?"

Oghren let out a throaty laugh. "Our other hobby is snapping twig mages in half."

"Lovely." Anders shook his head. "I'm starting to feel right at home."

Jax shook his head. Things certainly were never boring. His heart clenched in pain as he wished that Ren would have been there with them. "There," he said pulling his hand away from the other man's face. "Should be all healed. You're lucky, you know. That wasn't even her fully angry."

The dark haired man's eyes widened. "It gets worse?"

"Oh," he told him as he let out a laugh, "much worse."

"Thank you," he said. "My name is Nathaniel. Nathaniel Howe."

"Well aren't you just a nug loving son of a bitch?" Oghren started. "Can't wait for the Commander to meet you."

* * *

><p>"We have a problem."<p>

That was never a good way to start a conversation. Alistair buried his face in his hands for a moment before he looked up to see Varel standing before him. "What is it?" he asked, exasperated and tired but he was afraid of falling asleep. He was afraid that if he did, he'd only see Evie's burning face on that demon.

"Kristoff has recruited the thief that we had in holding," the Seneschal told him.

Alistair shrugged his shoulders. "Well that shouldn't be a problem unless he tries to take something again."

"There's more," Varel added. There was always more, wasn't there? The Warden Commander made a motion for the old man to continue. "I did not know it until a few moments ago but the thief was Nathaniel Howe." That got Alistair's attention. "I should have mentioned it when Lady Cousland had first arrived… the two of them have a complicated history."

"How complicated is complicated?"

"She is the reason Rendon sent his son to the Free Marches," Varel replied. Oh. That kind of complicated. "Words were exchanged and the Lady is upset."

"That's not my problem, Varel."

The older man gave him a small smile. "See this is where it gets better," he continued. "Seraphine… Seph broke his nose after Nathaniel called her daddy's little…bitch." Ah, it was another case of mistaken identity.

"How do you know all these things?" Alistair asked as he stood, knowing that he would have to take care of the situation.

"I have my ways, Commander."

Alistair smiled, despite everything. "I do not doubt that, my friend."

"May I give my opinion?" Varel asked.

"Of course," he told him. "There's no need to ask." Varel was one of the only valued opinions around the Keep.

"As their leader, I think it would be wise to resolve the situation between Master Howe and Lady Cousland," Varel said. "He is a good man. I watched him grow up and with the attacks happening, we all need to work together. Maker forbid an accidental death might happen just because one was mad at the other. More death is something that we do not need."

Alistair agreed. He supposed that it was his duty to do such a thing. As much as he didn't want to, it was something he watched Evie do so many times before while they gathered the armies to go against the Archdemon. Mediation was the first stepping stone to peace. He sighed heavily and nodded. "I will speak with them."

Varel nodded. "One more thing…I know you wish to retire for the night but do you want the Joining to go on without you?" He was kind to ask but Alistair couldn't ignore his duties. The real Evie would not have wanted that.

"That won't be necessary." Varel nodded and left to make preparations.

Alistair stood up from his chair and went to the Warden quarters where he knew Lia would be staying. He would talk to Nathaniel last. It seemed fair, didn't it? Well it did to him. He sighed heavily as he wished that Evie's voice would return and that the demon ordeal had been nothing but a bad dream but in the end he had no such luck.

* * *

><p>"You did what?" Alistair lingered outside of the room as he heard Lia's voice.<p>

"Broke the bastards nose," it was Sephs voice that time. "He deserved it. We heard the argument and he came up to me, thinking I was you and called me daddy's little bitch. No one deserves to be spoken to like that. I wasn't going to let it happen, especially since you're my friend."

"Oh, Seph…you didn't have to do that," Lia said. "I would have wanted to do it myself."

Alistair couldn't help but grin. It seemed that he wasn't needed. Seph had taken care of that on her own. He would be sure to thank her. He turned away from the room and headed to the throne room where he was expected for Nathaniel's Joining. He pushed through the doors and saw the young Howe, Kristoff, and Varel standing there. Kristoff looked a little off put by his presence.

"I thought you weren't well," his second in command said.

"I appreciate the concern, Kristoff," he said, "but I've have my moments to deal by myself. Now, duty calls. You're dismissed." The older man nodded and Alistair looked at the other man who he had assumed was Nathaniel. Well, his nose certainly didn't look broken. Maybe Jax or Anders had healed it. Good on them though next time, he'd let them know not to heal the broken face of a man who claimed to be a noble as he insulted a lady.

He seemed to daze off slightly as Varel conducted the ceremony. Perhaps it was that he had attended so many already, Maker, he could recite the Rite in his sleep. Nathaniel had the chalice in his hands as he stared down at the dark liquid of darkspawn blood. "Is there anything you wish to add Commander?" Varel asked.

His eyes settled on Howe. "I was there when your father died," he told him. "While I did not give the killing blow, I can vouch for the horrible things that he had done and what we found in the basement of the Arl of Denerim's castle, something given to him by Loghain." He watched as the man before him tightened his grip around the chalice until his knuckles went white but he was still silent. "As for Lia Cousland…" He leaned in. "If you speak to her the way you did today, or like that to any other woman in the Keep, I will personally see to rectifying the problem. Understood?" His patience was especially thin that day and for good reason. "Redemption's not an easy path. Some don't get second chances often. Please remember that."

Nathaniel remained silent and sipped from the Joining Chalice. If the Maker had mercy, the man would die. Alistair didn't think a Howe deserved to be a part of the Order. Maybe he would be able to redeem himself. He watched the man fall back and Varel went to his side to check for a pulse. "He lives," the Seneschal announced.

"See to it that he feels right at home."


	8. Any Other Way

**A/N:** _Thank __you __to Kira and stoobzwife for reviewing__and to those who __alerted __this. __Thanks __to __**Saga **__**Svanhildr **__always __for __being __my __beta. __It__'__s __just __a __small __time __jump __in __this __chapter._

"Almost Alright"

_Cause they took your loved ones_

_But returned them in exchange for you_

_But you would you have it any other way?_

_Would you have it any other way?_

_You couldn't have it any other way_

_Cause she's a cruel mistress_

_And a bargain must be made_

_-"What the Water Gave Me" by Florence and the Machine_

It was one thing after the other in the last few weeks, Alistair decided. He didn't know how much longer he would be able to handle being Warden Commander. It seemed that even though the majority of the darkspawn had been drawn back into the Deep Roads after the Blight, they were coming back to the surface and the attack on the Keep had only been the beginning. It was too soon for another Blight, he was sure of it. That was what he liked to believe anyway. At least the dreams weren't as frequent as they had been before the Blight.

Still, reports were coming in every day of attacks on villages and missing refugees. He knew he was wearing his Wardens thin by sending them all over Ferelden. He had to counter against politics as well. Teyrn Cousland hadn't been amused when he found out what his sister had done, but he was aware of the noble position that she had taken. Still, the siblings were strained and he didn't like the pain it had caused Lia. After all, it was just friendly concern. It didn't help that Eamon was breathing down his neck about it as well. Luckily, he had been able to ignore those letters without any fear of repercussions.

Something about Kristoff had changed. Whether it was in his manner, his more frequent volunteering for patrol, or the anger he expressed when his wife was mentioned… Alistair tried to ask, but received the cold shoulder. He wondered if it was deserved or not, though he wouldn't doubt that it was. Even if they had tried to mend their old friendship, it seemed that the both of them realized that it wouldn't happen again.

When he wasn't dealing with missing people, attacks, and politics, he used his free time to dwell on his own pain and misery. His heart still hurt whenever he thought about his time in the Fade. Knowing that the once comforting voice he heard, his last string binding him to Evie, was just a demon... He supposed that he had to put his personal feelings aside. He had a job to do. A small snort of bitter laughter escaped him despite himself. Alistair Theirin once ran from duty and responsibilities. Even when he joined the Wardens, he never volunteered for anything. When Evie came in the picture he had been more than willing to abdicate the role of leader to her, a point that Morrigan had made a habit of discussing.

Now, he would be the perfect Warden. Void without any question of his duty. The perfect warrior. Varel, his closest friend in the Keep, had asked him if it was worth losing himself over. He had no idea.

He left his quarters to go outside with Barker by his side. He was in a desperate need for fresh air. He came across some of the Wardens sparring. They had formed a circle, and he couldn't see inside to see who exactly was against each other. He spotted Jax looking displeased. Anders and Oghren were cheering while Nathaniel was off to the side, solemn as ever.

"Maker's balls, I wish they would tear each other's shirts off already," Anders groaned.

"You and me both, kid," Oghren agreed. That was enough to tell him who was sparring.

Alistair weaved through the crowd to see Seph and Lia circling each other. Both women had broad grins across their features. He crossed his arms as he stood next to Jax. He looked at the mage almost amused. "Who's winning the pool?" He asked.

"Dead even," Jax replied.

Both women pounced in attack. Seph's duel wielding abilities were matched with Lia's quickness. He wondered what exact training Lia had as a rogue and if they would hold up against a Berserker. He watched her moves carefully and recognized them. He had only seen one person move like that before. Zevran. He wondered if the two had ever met. He shuddered at the thought.

"It seems it's that way with them as well," Alistair guessed.

Jax nodded. "Both are just stubborn enough to keep going until the other gives up." He doubted that was going to happen. He debated stopping the little show before someone got hurt. He didn't need an injured Warden on his watch, but they all needed their fun, didn't they? He sighed heavily.

"Commander calls a draw!" He announced. Some of the men groaned and the two women before him stopped. Lia extended her hand out to the other red-head and she took it.

"You almost had me," she said with a smile.

Seph laughed. "I know." She turned her attention to Alistair. "Is there something you needed, Commander?" He made a face and she grinned. "Alistair," she corrected herself.

"I'm sending scouting parties out. I need you lot to go with Kristoff. He seems to think he has a lead and is going into Amaranthine," he replied. He didn't think it was appropriate to tell them that he didn't exactly trust his second in command at the moment. "We've got to get to the bottom of these attacks."

Oghren and Anders joined the group and the other mage sighed. "It's one thing after another, isn't it?" He asked.

"Grow a pair boy," the dwarf spat at him.

"Oh," Anders cooed, "maybe then I can grow a beard like yours. Think that'll make me more of a man?"

"It'll give you character," Oghren told him.

"Does the smell come with the beard?" Anders asked.

The dwarf raised his hand and Alistair interrupted, "Do I need to separate the two of you?"

"No, mummy," was the response he got from Anders. The mage wrinkled his nose. "Just don't send me with tall, dark and broody, he's such a buzzkill." Alistair glanced at Lia, who looked away quickly. Things still hadn't been patched up between her and Nathaniel.

"You'll go with who I say," Alistair told him as he tried to hold back a smile.

Anders sighed. "Fine," he started, "but if I end up missing, don't forget to ask the who's, the what's and the how's!"

"That was terrible," Lia said with a loud laugh.

"It's was for you, Red," he replied with a wink.

"Can we just focus?" Seph asked as she rolled her eyes, but her smile did not go unnoticed.

"Lia, Seph, and Jax, will you go to Amaranthine with Kristoff? I'll take Nathaniel, Oghren and Anders to visit some of the farmers outside of the city. They've spotted darkspawn so we need to check it out." Alistair hoped no one would object and thank the Maker, he got his wish for once.

* * *

><p>"I don't think he wants us here," Lia said. Kristoff was walking several yards ahead of the three of them. She got the feeling that their superior knew they were babysitting him on Alistair's orders.<p>

"Oh, what gave it away?" Jax asked. "The quickened pace or the dirty looks?"

Lia shook her head. "Both," she replied.

"What's he expecting to find anyway?" Seph asked. "Darkspawn don't attack with any order. They're chaotic. They only listen to one thing, and I don't see a flying dragon around here, do you?"

Jax linked his arm with Seph's. "Maybe they're evolving, you know, adapting to life like we do."

"That's a scary thought," Lia said as she walked next to him. The other red-head nodded in agreement as they walked through the entrance to the city of Amaranthine. "Does he know where he's going?"

"Makes you wonder, doesn't it?" Seph asked with a small smile.

"I'd rather be fighting darkspawn," Lia grumbled.

"You won't be saying that in the years to come." Jax grinned at her. She was sure that he was right.

Kristoff led them to the Chantry were one of the survivors in the latest attack was being held. The Revered Mother had met them at the door and led them to the elf in the back. He was bloodied and bruised. Lia's heart went out to him. Jax immediately went to his side. "I can help you," he told the man and healed him.

"How is he?" Kristoff asked.

The mage looked up. "I was able to heal his physical injuries, but the emotional scarring is too much for magic to touch."

Lia shifted from one foot to the other as Kristoff began his interrogation. "What happened?" The dark-haired man asked.

"You're…you're a Grey Warden, aren't you?" Kristoff nodded and the elf shuddered. "We were so close," he told him. "I never saw their faces. It happened so fast…the screaming, oh Maker, the screaming." The elf closed his eyes for a moment.

"How many were in your party?" Lia found herself asking.

The elf opened his eyes. "There were more than two dozen of us," he replied. "Families mostly. Cyril…he told us that he would provide us with safe passage." The poor fools.

"Who is he?" Seph asked.

The elf sighed. "A trader. He vanished just before the attack."

Kristoff nodded. "Thank you," he said before he got up and started to leave. Lia's eyebrows furrowed together and she, along with Seph and Jax, followed after him.

"So you know who this man is?" Seph asked.

"Yes," Kristoff replied curtly. "You three can't come with me. He's jittery enough; the four of us will send him running."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Jax started, "if he's a part of this, there's more that-"

"That's an order!" Their leader's voice was enough to make the three of them stop in their tracks. The dark-haired man nodded. "I'll meet you at the Crown and Lion after dark." He didn't give them a chance to say anything else before he left.

"Bloody wonderful," Lia groaned.

"Well, there wasn't much we could do," Seph told her. "When he has his mind set on something…"

"There's no stopping him," Jax finished. It could have been an admirable trait if it wasn't so damn grating.

* * *

><p>It was after dark and still no sign of Kristoff. Jax, Seph and Lia had left the inn to search for the other Warden. "Remind me who made him second in command," Seph started as they searched through the city.<p>

"The First Warden," Jax reminded her. "She thought Alistair needed someone to balance things out." Lia could understand that. He had gone through the hurt of losing Evie and in times when he couldn't lead, the other was there. But now the decision was put in question, especially when Kristoff pulled these kinds of things.

A commotion was heard near the markets. Lia walked ahead of Jax and Seph to see what it was. That was when she watched a man fall from the top of the city's walls. People screamed and the man landed with a sickening thud against the ground. Her eyes widened and her hand went to her mouth to suppress her own horror. Blood pooled underneath the body and Jax moved past her to kneel down next to the man. Lia looked up to see Kristoff looking down from the ledge. Did he push him? Oh Maker…

Time seemed slow around her because the next thing she knew, the older man was walking towards him. "Don't!" Kristoff ordered. "He's already close to dying." She whirled her head around to look at Jax trying to heal the poor man despite the orders he was given. He pushed past her to get to the mage and rammed his foot against Jax's back. Kristoff grabbed the back of the mage's robes and threw him back.

"What do you think you're doing!" Seph yelled. Lia watched the other red-head give in to blind rage as she launched forward to attack.

Lia grabbed her. "That isn't a good idea," she told her. Seph struggled against her grip and Lia knew it was only a matter of time before her friend knocked her on her arse. "He's second in command. Attacking him could cause repercussions for both you and Jax." The warrior relaxed slightly before she shrugged Lia off and went help Jax.

Kristoff leaned over the broken man's body and she watched his lips move but she couldn't hear anything. The dark-haired man nodded and pulled back before the other man died. Kristoff turned towards the three Wardens under his command. His face filled with a rage that had been unexpected. "Do you have something to say, Warden?" He sneered at her.

"No, ser," she replied. He turned away from her. "Except that you're not going to get away with how you treated him."

Kristoff paused. "Is that a threat?"

"It's a promise."

* * *

><p>Another death on the Wardens' hands. It wasn't like they were well received in the Arling in the first place. This would just be another thing to use in politics against him later. Kristoff had requested to investigate the Blackmarsh with a group of Wardens. Alistair said that he would think about it.<p>

He dismissed the group before him. Jax and Seph were the first to leave and Kristoff lingered but followed after them. He watched as Lia also turned, but hesitated at the door. She whirled around quickly as Kristoff left the building. "Alistair, I have to speak with you," she said.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Yes?"

"I'm not exactly sure on Warden policy," Lia started, "but when someone tries to save a life, is it prudent to stop him before he's allowed?"

Alistair brought up a hand and let out a small groan. "Simple terms, Lia, it's late."

Lia swallowed hard. "We watched a man fall from the walls of Amaranthine," she told him. "Jax tried to heal him and Kristoff stopped him by kicking him in the back knocking him down. I feel that the man knew something and that Kristoff is hiding it. I may be out of place, but he shouldn't abuse his position like that."

He looked at her and appreciated the fact that she could tell him what happened without fear. He nodded, but no words were needed. He moved past her and went to look for Kristoff. The man had changed. Maker, help him, but Alistair felt like he was responsible for it. He also felt like he had to do something about it. The old Alistair would have let it go, but many who knew him now knew that he had changed. Whether it was for better or worse remained to be seen.

Alistair found his old friend and greeted him as Kristoff had Jax. He would not tolerate turning on brothers and sisters of the order under his command. He lifted his leg and kicked Kristoff in his lower back. The other man whirled around and Alistair kicked him down again. His fingers curled into Kristoff's dark hair and pulled him back against the wall of the Keep. He then brought his heel down against Kristoff's lower abdomen.

He kneeled down in front of him as he grabbed the front of the man's armor and pulled him closer to him. "You will not touch another Warden in any manner other than friendly," Alistair hissed. "You will not step beyond your boundaries as Sergeant. You are not Warden Commander, I am. It is not your job to discipline others. You are not their mother and if I ever find out about it again, Warden, I'll take you to Weisshaupt myself." He shoved Kristoff back.

"I'm not the one afraid to take the necessary measures to-"

Alistair punched him. "If I wanted your opinion, I would ask for it." He straightened himself as he shook his head. "You have permission to go to the Blackmarsh…alone."

He couldn't believe what he had just done. Had it been his pent up anger or something that he had wanted to do for a long time? He wasn't sure. The line between the two blurred. He swallowed hard and turned away in shame. That was not him, changed or not, but he would not let anyone hurt his friends. He looked up to see that Oghren, Anders, Lia, Nathaniel, Jax, and Seph, along with several more Wardens and Varel, had been spectators to what had happened.

"I didn't think he had it in him," he heard Oghren say.

"I've been waiting for someone to do that since I met the man," Anders commented.

Alistair walked towards them and stopped in front of Jax. "Commander," the other man said and nodded his head toward him. Seph did the same as she wrapped her arm around the mage.

He touched Jax's shoulder and smiled at him. "I will not tolerate what he did to you. You could have saved a man's life and what he did to stop you…you didn't deserve it."

"Thank you."

Alistair nodded and glanced at the others. "It was the right thing to do, Commander," Nathaniel added, much to his surprise. When the Howe had been the one in a similar position, the result had been Seph causing injury to him. The man might have hope yet.

The others started to leave and Alistair noted the glance from Varel. He would be hearing about it later. His gaze finally turned to Lia. There was something in her eyes that he couldn't exactly place, but the small smile that appeared on her features was a welcomed sight. "Goodnight, Commander," she said lightly.

Maybe things would finally get better. He smiled back at her. "Goodnight."

* * *

><p>It had been days since Kristoff left for the Blackmarsh. Alistair supposed that he should feel guilty, but maybe the time alone would do the other man some good. Then he could come back with a clear head.<p>

Alistair thought that Vigil's Keep had the potential to be at peace for some time, but the sounds coming from the gate told him that there would be no such thing. Horns blared and there was the loud commotion of metal clinking together in unison. There was only one reason that sort of welcome would have been given.

He left his desk quickly to reach the gate. He was greeted with a pleasant sight. A smile spread across his features as he set eyes upon the dark-haired elf. "This is a surprise!" He exclaimed.

He hadn't expected a visit from the First Warden, though he was sure that her arrival was as it was supposed to be; to catch him in an off moment so he couldn't prepare. That was her style after all. He was sure that the Orlesian got some sort of laugh out of it. Oh, he wouldn't be surprised.

Fiona smiled at him and made a motion to the Wardens with her that they were dismissed. "I came to check up on you," she said and placed her hands on her hips.

"That certainly is a first," he said with a raised eyebrow.

"I was already in the country when I received word about a few things that have happened. I think you and I need to speak."

"How can I refuse the First Warden?"

Fiona grinned. "You can't," she told him. "Now, let's grab a pint, because you're going to need it before we're through." Despite the sense of being in trouble, he couldn't help but grin.

"Yes, ma'am," he said, "but can I ask what the visit is about?"

A visit from the First Warden usually meant one of two things. Either he was about to get his arse handed to him for something that he did, and Alistair could certainly think of a few reasons for that one to be true, or something was happening that made her seek his attention. He was hoping for neither, but it had been a long time since he had truly been an optimist.

She nodded. "Several things actually," she told him. "Politics, of course, the Architect, Kristoff…and what happened to you in the Fade."

Alistair frowned at her. "How did you know?"

There were several possibilities, and going through the list would just make his imagination run wild. He neither had the patience nor the mental capacity for that.

Fiona lifted up a hand and patted his shoulder. "Your friend Varel cares more about you than you realize." His eyes narrowed slightly. He knew her words were true and he supposed that he should thank Varel later. She smiled at him. "Don't give me that look, boy," she added quickly, "trust me when I say this conversation is long overdue."

**A/N:** _So __I __hope __you __don__'__t __think __Ali__'__s __outburst __was __too __out __of __character. __I __do __have __plans __to __go __further __into __depth __about __his __mental __issues __though __after __what __I __did __to __him, __who __wouldn__'__t __have __pent __up __anger?__ –__cough-_


	9. When Enough Is Not The Same

**A/N:** _Thank you to everyone who reviewed and alerted this. Thanks to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ always for being my beta. I'm giving a bit of back history for Lia and Nate. I've always been a fan of Nathaniel/F!Cousland having some sort of romance when they were kids._

"Almost Alright"

_It's all a game, avoiding failure, when true colors will bleed_

_All in the name of misbehavior and the things we don't need_

_I lust for after no disaster can touch, touch us anymore_

_And more than ever, I hope to never fall_

_When enough is not the same it was before_

_-"Carnival of Rust" by Poets of the Fall_

The feeling of the cold stone was comforting. The way her legs swung over the edge was to be easily compared to a child on a swing. Lia swayed slightly as she watched the city of Amaranthine in front of her. It had seemed so long ago since she had done that very same thing. It was like… it was like time hasn't passed. She looked down and remembered the first time she ran along the walls. She had considered Vigil's Keep to be a second home for a long time. She and Delilah would play hide and go seek over in the forest just around the corner. Thomas and Nathaniel would come in quickly while they were playing trying to cheat. It had always been Thomas and Delilah against she and Nate.

…Nate. She sighed heavily. Why did things have to be so complicated? There was a time that things had been so easy.

"May we talk?"

Lia closed her eyes as the familiar voice washed over her. The deep tone had once sent chills down her spine, but now it just made her skin crawl. Was she in some sort of dream? It was the kind that led you down memory lane, even though you wanted to detour some parts, it would never let you. Her lower lip quivered. The youngest Cousland's resolve to stay strong withered with every word.

"That depends, Nathaniel," she said lightly. "Will there be words or fists?" She brought up a hand and pushed some red hair out of her face as she tried to avoid looking at him.

"I'd prefer civility in this conversation," he replied as he took a seat next to her.

Together they sat on top of the wall that bordered the edge of the gardens. Access was easy if you were limber enough to crawl out of the window and balance yourself properly. It was a piece of cake for two rogues, but still, the familiarity of it was overpowering for the young Cousland. They had sat in that very spot several times together when they were younger and if he hoped to gain something from the nostalgia then he was sorely wrong.

"How'd you know I'd be here?" She asked. Nate smirked a bit as she looked at him. Because he knew her well enough; that hadn't needed saying. "Wipe that silly look off of your face, Howe. We haven't been on friendly terms since you've arrived, I don't expect things to change any time soon."

His grin faded quickly. She thought she saw a flash of pain etch into his features for one single moment and when she blinked it was gone. "I didn't come here to argue," he lowered his voice to a soft tone. It was a change from anything she had gotten whenever they were around each other.

She turned towards him and felt her lower lip quiver. She bit down to keep it steady. Her heart hurt to be around him. Every time she saw him, she couldn't help but think of what his father did to her family. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. There had been a time when words didn't need to be spoken between them. There had been a time when they could talk with only knowing looks. That time seemed to be so long ago. "What did you come here for then?" She asked quietly.

"Forgiveness," he said. "I know it won't be easily given and I haven't yet earned it, but I want to try." Why? Why now? What had gotten into him? She said nothing. She had nothing to say even though she wanted to speak for the sake of keeping an awkward silence from falling between them. "Alistair and Varel told me the things that my father did." Lia was amused at the thought of the Commander putting Nate in his place. "I would have never thought he would do such a thing but…" She understood. "Forgive me for what I said about your family."

Lia sighed. She reached out and touched his hand and gave it a small squeeze. "You were angry," she said. "I can't guarantee friendship again right away, Nate, but we can work on it…" She would have to try, right? For old time's sake, and the potential time they could have together now.

Nathaniel nodded and looked away. "Remember the last time we sat here together?"

"Yes," she replied. "It was the day before your father sent you to the Free Marches." She cried for a week after he left. He hadn't even said goodbye to her. As it was, Rendon Howe had sent his son off in the middle of the night with guards to make sure not even the best rogue could escape. "I haven't been able to forget it."

"Have you been able to forget what we had before I left?" There was something in his voice as he asked that. Something that Lia couldn't quite put her finger on. Her eyebrows furrowed together as she turned her head to look at the dark haired man. Her eyes narrowed as recognition dawned upon her. It was hope. Hope lingered there.

"I don't know what you're trying to accomplish by asking," she said.

Nate let out a small laugh. "Oh, there goes the nobility in you speaking," he said. She raised a questioning eyebrow and he smiled. "The run about, waiting for a specific question as you try to delegate internally about a proper answer."

"How…" she couldn't finish her question.

"I know you, Lia."

She looked away. That he did, but it didn't make a difference. Too much time had passed between the two of them. "My answer is no," she told him. She could feel his eyes lingering on her. The question why echoed in the silence.

"I see," he said slowly. She turned to look at him. Her eyebrow rose questioningly. What? What did he see? She felt her heart beat start to race. "He is a lucky man."

"Who?" She asked quietly. Something within her stirred. It told her that she knew who. She knew exactly who he was talking about.

"He just doesn't know it yet." Nate offered her a small smile before he jumped off the wall and landed perfectly on the ground in the gardens. She watched as he looked at her one last time before he made his way to the Warden quarters.

Her hands shook as she placed one above her heart. Had she… No, it was impossible. She didn't have feelings for him. It was…inappropriate. She couldn't. Her upbringing had stopped her from breaking propriety and it had been those same lessons that screamed at her that being there had been a complete mistake. A small groan escaped her. "Shit."

* * *

><p>"So," Fiona said as she sat across the table from Alistair. "Tell me everything."<p>

She pushed a mug of ale towards him, where she got it from he didn't want to know, but he accepted it anyway. He told her everything that had happened from the moment he took up the mantle of Warden Commander to the time she arrived at the Gates. He even told her about the Architect and what happened between him and Kristoff. The dark haired elf frowned at him for a moment.

"What?" He finally asked. "What is it?" The silence that had fallen between them was agonizing. He felt like he was losing friends left and right, he couldn't lose her, his mentor. She had taken Duncan's place in that respect and he was grateful for it.

"You can't trust the Architect, son," she said but after that, all of her words were lost on him. Son? Why would she call him that? The look of concern on her face was very…motherly. It made Alistair shift uncomfortably in his seat. He was overreacting. He was thinking too much into her words. He was sure of that. She was older than him so _logically_ the term of endearment was expected, wasn't it? Fiona snapped her fingers in front of his face and Alistair was shaken out of his thoughts. "He'll use what you value the most against you. Look what he did with Evelyn."

"Well, we don't really know if it was his doing," he found himself saying. Was he really defending the talking darkspawn? The thought of the Desire Demon posing as Evie still sent pain shooting through him. Perhaps the emotion was visible all over his face as Fiona reached out and touched his arm.

"I know you miss her," she said lightly. "But she wouldn't want to see you like this."

"You didn't know her," he argued.

Deep down, he knew that she was right. Evie wouldn't have wanted him to wallow in his self-hatred, self-pity, or whatever one might wish to call it. Alistair looked away. He opened his mouth to say something but he couldn't. He had no words.

"What did he promise you?" She asked. Her jaw set and fire lit up her eyes. It was the same defiance that he had grown to have over his time with the Hero of Ferelden.

Alistair looked up at Fiona with wide eyes. His jaw set in a mimicking fashion as an eyebrow rose. "What?"

"What did he promise you?"

"I don't know what you-"

"Don't lie to me!" The tone that she had taken as she yelled at him was a little startling. His mouth gaped opened and Alistair ran a hand down his face. "You can trust me." He knew that. He just…

He felt his chest heave in pain. "Duncan," he whispered. "He promised to tell me what happened to Duncan." He had the chance to kill the Architect. He knew that he should have, but when Duncan's name had come out of the emissary's lips, he couldn't.

He felt fingers brush against his cheek. "It's not worth it," Fiona told him. He didn't want to see it that way. Alistair moved away from her and grabbed the mug of ale that he hadn't touched. He took a long swig and turned to face her. Liquid courage could go a long way.

"Why do you care?" He asked.

She was going beyond the call of duty as his superior. She didn't have to care. She didn't have to offer him advice and let him wallow in his own feelings. She wanted to bring him out of his slump. She wanted to help him stand on his own two feet without having to use the past as a crutch. Fiona looked hesitant to answer him, but Alistair wanted to know. It was his turn for questions and his turn to find answers. His eyes narrowed at her to let her know that he was serious.

"That is a dangerous question, son," she replied.

"See, there it is," he countered. "You called me 'son' again. Why?" His heart pounded against his chest. Something told him that he already knew the answer. No. No, his mother was dead. His mother was a maid in the king's court in Denerim. She wasn't a Warden, least of all First Warden.

"I think you know why," she said. He looked into her eyes just to see his own staring back at him. "I'm sorry to tell you this way, Alistair, but I'm your mother."

"My mother was a maid for Maric and they said she was dead," he told her.

Fiona nodded. "Good story isn't it?" She asked. She bit her lower lip. "Maric and I met when my Warden Commander had us going through the Deep Roads in Ferelden looking for some of the Order that had disappeared. Our relationship just…developed from there." She paused and when she looked like she was going to continue, he interrupted her.

"Why the deception?" He asked but he didn't give her the chance to respond to him. Mostly it was because he didn't want to hear an excuse, but there was a part of him that was terrified to hear what she had to say.

Alistair pushed past her and kept walking until he was free underneath the sun. He could taste the salt from the ocean as it clung to the air from an incoming storm. He plopped down on the ground and rested against the wall of the closest building. His eyes shut tightly. He did not need this. He brought his hands up and curled his fingers into his hair as a low groan escaped him.

"Are you alright?" Fiona? No. The voice held a distinct Ferelden accent. He looked up to see two red heads staring at him. His eyebrows furrowed together.

"Am I seeing double?" He asked. He squinted his eyes to adjust to the sunlight as he stared up at the two friends.

Lia smirked. "Commander, did you hit your head?"

Seph sighed. "That's never going to get old, is it?"

"No, I don't think so," the youngest Cousland replied before she extended her hand out to Alistair. He took it and felt a warmth spread over him that he hadn't expected. Their fingers laced and she pulled him to his feet. "Anything you'd like to talk about?" She asked. He hadn't expected to see such genuine concern in her eyes.

"I just…" What was there to say?

"You would think we were all past the formality stage," Seph mused next to them. He nodded. Of course, but there was still a certain boundary he was sure that he was expected to maintain.

"Boundaries be damned," he whispered.

"What?" Seph asked as confusion set in.

"Shut up, I'm thinking," he snapped at them, though they were making it very hard for him to be able to do so. He thought about turning around and going back inside to face Fiona. It was what she deserved right? Well, he deserved an explanation. Yes, he knew she was trying to tell him, but Alistair had given in to the fight or flight way of handling things such as the emotions that he was about to face. They were emotions that he long tried to run from. He supposed that it was time to stop running.

"Touchy."

Lia raised an eyebrow before she pressed her fingers against his temple gently. "I think he did hit his head," she said before Alistair swatted her hand away.

"Will you two stop?" He huffed.

"Only if you tell us-," Lia started with a smile.

"-what's wrong," Seph finished.

Alistair rolled his eyes and hesitated. "Fiona just told me that she was my mother," he said.

"And you ran away?" Lia questioned him. Her arms folded across her chest. "At least you have a parent."

"Who obviously cares about you," the other red head added.

"Enough to want to tell you despite what are probably good reasons," the youngest Cousland continued.

"At least she's putting in the effort now," Seph said.

Lia offered a small smile. "Better late than never."

Before they could continue Alistair raised his hands to silence them as he shook his head. And they actually wondered why people called them twins? "I get it," he said as he made a face at them. "Thank you."

He turned away when he heard Lia say, "Anytime." Her voice had been so soft that he wasn't sure if that was even what she had said, but he didn't want to question her on it. A small smile crossed his features and he headed back inside where he had left Fiona…his mother…

* * *

><p>"I need to know why." Alistair watched as Fiona whirled around to face him. Her eyes were stained red and puffy. Guilt hit him square in the chest but he couldn't falter. "I need to know why you gave me up to be raised by Eamon." If one could even call it that. "Do you know that he and his wife shipped me off to the Chantry in West Hills as soon as they could? Do you know what happened there?"<p>

"Yes," Fiona interrupted him. "I know." Alistair raised an eyebrow at her. "After you were born, I had Duncan take you away. I didn't want to know where, but I made him promise me to watch over you and he did." So that explained some things; namely why Duncan had saved him from the Chantry and took him under his wing. "I had them set up a story for you that didn't involve me because there was always a chance that you could have been king."

And it wouldn't have been good for Ferelden to have someone on the throne that was part elf, part… Orlesian. Well, that explained his love for cheese. "After everything, why did you wait to tell me?" That was the more important question.

Fiona glanced down at the ground before she looked back at him. "You were hurting," she said. "I didn't want to add to that."

Alistair raised an eyebrow. "That's very motherly of you."

"I thought so too."

He sighed heavily. "So is that why you made me Warden Commander of Ferelden?"

Fiona shook her head. "You earned it," she told him. "Even with what little time you've had with the Wardens, what you did in helping with the Blight, what you're doing here now... You've done a good job. A little sloppy at times, but the best of us get that way, no?" He nodded slowly, unsure of what to say. "If it helps, I thought about you every day."

"It does," he told her. Not by much, but he decided to leave that part out.

For the longest time, Alistair had wanted a father. He had never given much thought to having a mother mostly because he had grown up believing that she was dead. He thought about what Seph and Lia had said to him. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad. He had wanted to be accepted by his family. He thought Goldanna had been his last chance at that, but it seemed like the Maker had other plans.

"I'm sorry if you feel as if I've betrayed your trust somehow," she said. Alistair shook his head 'no'. It was just… well he couldn't find the best word to describe the situation. The only one he could really think to compare it to was much different. Was that appropriate to attach to the situation? He wasn't entirely sure, but he was looking forward to figuring it out.

Maybe this was the step that he needed to start his life over and head in the direction of healing. He didn't like the idea of letting go of Evie, but she was the reason he was the man that he was that very day. She was the reason behind everything that he did and now that she was gone…completely gone, he knew it was time to live for himself. It wouldn't be easy. He knew that, but discovering another side of him, the side he got from his mother, maybe there was hope.

"So what do we do now?" He asked.

"That's up to you, Commander," Fiona replied as she took a step towards him. "I'd like to help you against the Architect, if you'll take my assistance." He would gladly take any help that he could get.

"What about Weisshaupt?" He asked.

She made a face and waved him off. "They'll survive without me."

* * *

><p>"Nike!" Lia called for her mabari. Nothing. She had let him out so that he wouldn't need to go during the storm, but as the black clouds rolled in, her mabari had seen it fit to take off past the gates. Thunder rolled against the sky above her. Worry stricken, she knew she should go inside but she couldn't. Not until she found her faithful hound. Well, he wasn't so faithful now would he?<p>

"Barker!" Lia turned to see Alistair heading towards her as his mabari shot past her. She frowned. That wasn't a good sign, now was it? "Damn dog," the Warden Commander cursed under his breath and turned his head to look at her. "What are you doing out here? Storm's coming, you know."

She nodded. "I've been calling for Nike. He took off too."

"Well," Alistair started, "guess we'd better find them." Her eyebrows furrowed together as she nodded. She had been afraid, admittedly, to leave the gates alone. She watched as he stepped ahead of her and she soon followed.

Lightning cracked around them. Flashes of purple and blue almost blinded Lia as the rain started to come down heavily. She wondered if those damn dogs could even hear them over the storm. She cupped her hand against her face and called for them. Nothing. It wasn't like Nike to run off the way that he had.

"Don't worry," Alistair tried to reassure her, "we'll find them." Lia attempted to smile but she was sure that it wasn't working.

Along the way they ran into Nathaniel and Anders who had been on patrol. Nate was worried as well since he had also grown up with Nike by his side and of course, it was Anders that attempted to lighten the mood with his jokes.

"Isn't this what dogs do? Run away and come back. For all we know, they could have run off together to have many darkspawn killing puppies," the mage offered.

Lia hit him in the arm. "They're both boys."

He shrugged. "To each his own." Despite herself, a small giggle escaped her. "You know, Red, the rain does you justice."

"Anders," Alistair and Nate growled.

She paused and sighed as the three continued ahead of her. She saw something dark run past them from the corner of her eye and she turned quickly to try and see if it was the dogs. "Hey," she started; trying to get the guys' attention, but her voice was lost among the thunder.

Lia knew she should have paid more attention to her surroundings. She had failed as a rogue for not doing so as she felt the ground beneath her slip and give in. The redhead fell into a hunting trap dug several feet into the ground. She landed against the ground with a splash as her head hit the wall of the hole. Muddy water shot up around her body from the impact. A small groan escaped her. She opened her mouth to call for help but nothing came out. Her hands dug into the mud as she set herself upright. She rubbed her temples with her dirty hands and found her voice, "Help!"


	10. You

**A/N:** _Thank you to everyone who reviewed and alerted this. Thank you Saga for reading this over and making sure it wasn't too fluffy. Yes, there's fluff because there's angst on the horizon. lol Enjoy._

"Almost Alright"

_I was sick of all the pain_

_Tired of all the shame that I felt_

_But you showed me a way to never have a doubt_

_And always to believe in myself_

_Now I see it was you that showed me who I am_

_And taught me how to stand_

_For what I know is real_

_-"It Was You" by 12 Stones_

Alistair spotted the damned hounds chasing a deer in the woods. He let out a long whistle and the two turned around quickly. "Get over here mongrels!" He yelled with a smile. "Hey Lia we-" he stopped short as he turned around looking for the redhead. "Where is she?" How was it in such a small time that he managed to lose someone? The nagging in the back of his head that reminded him how he was never suited to be a leader started again before he quickly shut it out.

Nate and Anders looked confused for a moment. They looked at each other before turning and looking around. "She was just right here," Nathaniel said as he turned around to look at other parts of the forest.

Panic surged between the three men. It was never a good moment when someone was lost. It was even worse when the weather was as bad as it was starting to get. "Well we've got to find her," Anders said. Yes, he had known that much. He debated about splitting up but that was never a good plan, especially with the darkspawn attacks among other things. He whistled again for the two hounds.

Alistair knelt down as the two mabari's run up to the three of them. Barker nudged him slightly as Nike looked around. He put a hand on the side of the hound's nose. "Can you find her, boy?" He asked gently. Nike bowed his head and started off. Alistair stood up quickly to follow him.

A mabari should never be doubted. He had learned that with the time that he had spent with Barker. Their intelligence went beyond any normal comprehension and it was in moments like the one he found himself in that he knew why they were worth as much as they were. The connection a mabari had with its owner was unmistakable. He was only sorry that he was unable to share that connection with Barker, though he stayed by his side no matter what.

Alistair had been afraid of losing sight of Nike before he saw the hound abruptly stop and peer over a ledge. He felt his breath catch in his throat as he raced forward, Nathaniel and Anders at his heels as he did so. He stopped at the ledge and looked over as Nike let out a long howl. "Lia?" He called down to her. A hunter's trap. Damn it. Her red hair was dark from the caked on mud and she was drenched. She looked like she was shaking as thunder clapped above them. Could she even hear him?

He made a motion to jump down there so she wouldn't be alone when someone grabbed his arm. "You won't be able to get out with that armor on," Nathaniel yelled at him. "Let me go in."

Alistair stopped him, without even thinking, and unbuckled his chest plate. "Go back to the Keep," he ordered them. "Bring something for us to get her out. I'm going down there to help her." The dark haired man narrowed his eyes at him. "Go!" He ordered as the dragon bone armor clunked to the ground, revealing the white under shirt that he was wearing before he jumped into the pit.

He glanced up to see Anders tugging on Nathaniel's arm before they took off towards Vigil's Keep. Alistair turned his attention back to Lia. "Are you okay?" Stupid question but it had to be asked. She looked up at him and shivered.

"I…hit my head," she replied as her teeth chattered.

She needed warmth. Alistair sat next to her and pulled her against him, hoping that whatever body heat that he had left would be given to her. He wrapped his arms around her body and felt the shivering go down slightly. Good. "It's okay," he told her. "The others are getting help, we'll get you out of here soon." He craned his neck back to look at her. "Looks like you're making me turn into the one rescuing type." If she had hit her head hard enough, she needed to stay awake just in case she had a concussion.

Lia let out a laugh. Water sputtered around them as she did so. He felt her rest a hand against his chest and he felt his body reacting in a way that it shouldn't have. "I never use to be this clumsy," she replied. He ran his fingers through her hair without a second thought and cursed himself afterwards for overstepping a boundary.

"It's too bad we never got to meet before," he said.

She moved back to look at him. "We met once," she told him. "I thought you forgot so I never mentioned it when we first met after I stepped off the boat." Alistair didn't believe that he could meet her and not remember.

His eyebrows furrowed as he looked at her. "Maker, what are you talking about?" He asked. The rain poured harder around them.

"It was before you left for the Chantry," she told him, "my father brought me to Redcliffe. Nike bit your pants and dragged you into the lake for pulling my hair." She gave him a soft smile. "I went by Cecilia then…"

_What were girls? They were such curious creatures, especially the one before him. Her red hair was like fire in the sunlight. The way she laughed as she punched him in the shoulder. He wanted to rub the spot where her fist had connected with his arm but he wanted to show her that he was much tougher than she was. Together they sat under a tree, on top of a hill that overlooked the village of Redcliffe. Her mabari ran in circles behind them as if it was trying to get their attention but it remained to be ignored. _

"_I'm going to be a warrior one day," she suddenly said proudly. "That's what daddy's here for, you know. He wants to recruit young boys to train in Highever."_

_Alistair made a face. "That's silly," he told her. "Girl's can't be warriors."_

"_Yes they can!" She stood up quickly and folded her arms across her body. "I was thinking about asking daddy if you can come but you can forget it!" _

"_I don't want to go to your stupid castle anyways," he snapped back at her before he stuck his tongue out. A fist crashed into his jaw._

"_Take that back!" She yelled._

"_No!" He yelled back at her before pulling her hair. _

"_Nike!" The mabari yelled and he felt teeth sink into the bottom parts of his pants. His mouth gaped open as heat rushed to his cheeks. She laughed as the hound dragged him into the river bed behind them. _

"That wasn't fair, you know," he told her, "you had the advantage. Plus I'd never hit a girl."

Lia shook her head. "I proved you wrong though, didn't I?" Her eyes widened slightly in curiosity. It was almost childlike. He couldn't believe that he didn't remember meeting her before.

Alistair nodded. "Yes," he told her. "You did."

"Do you think he'd be proud?" She asked.

His arms were still around her and his fingers brushed against exposed skin where goose bumps erupted against his touch. Maker what was wrong with him? Alistair hoped that she hadn't noticed. He was just trying to be comforting, wasn't he? He gave her a small smile. He knew who she was talking about. "Yes," he told her. The look on her face after he said that had been too much. He looked away and bit his lower lip as he felt her move away slightly from them. Since their moment in the Deep Roads, he hadn't given it a second thought and now…now he was just confused. "The others should be back soon."

She nodded. "There's nothing between me and Nathaniel, you know," she said suddenly.

Alistair's mouth gaped open for a moment. "I didn't ask…"

Lia gave him a small smile. "You didn't have to." He felt his cheeks flush. So she had noticed. "Alistair I…"

"How's your head feeling?" He interrupted her.

She swallowed hard and looked away. "Better," she said. He couldn't tell if she was just telling him what he wanted to hear or not.

Silence fell between them and he wondered if he should say anything. There wasn't anything between them. He would tell her that and she would understand. The thought made him feel like a dirty little liar. It was his shame that didn't want to see it. It was his guilt that ate at him as he felt like there was some sense of betrayal towards Evie's memory by looking at another female in a less than platonic way.

A rope fell down the edge of the hole they were in. Alistair and Lia both looked up to see Nate, Anders, Seph, and Jax looking down at them. They were all just as drenched as they were and the storm was not letting up. "Are you alright?" Nathaniel called down. Alistair could tell that he was talking to Lia. The red head nodded.

The youngest Cousland stood up and Alistair after her. "Need help?" He asked her gently.

She gave him a roguish grin as her hands gripped around the rope. "Will you be there to catch me if I fall?" She asked.

He was a little surprised by her question but nodded in response. "Always," he found himself saying.

With that said, she dug her heels into the ground as she climbed her way to the top, Nathaniel and Anders helped her up. "Coming Alistair?" Jax called down with a grin. Alistair rolled his eyes and climbed up after Lia had reached the top.

Seph and Jax helped him up and he ran his fingers through his wet hair. He looked at Nathaniel and Anders. "Take her to the infirmary back in the Keep and make sure those damn dogs are back," he said before the three Wardens headed back.

He sighed heavily as he watched them go. He glanced at his two friends who were eyeing him suspiciously. "Why are you two looking at me like that?" He asked quickly.

"When's the last time you stay with someone who was injured?" Seph countered with her own question. She placed one hand on her hip and raised a questioning eyebrow.

"The last person in that situation was you," he replied. "And you had Jax. Now look at you too." He hadn't been needed.

"That's her point, Alistair," the mage replied. The Warden Commander narrowed his eyes at the two before him. What were they getting at? Jax tilted his head to the side. "You don't see it do you?" He asked.

Seph shook her head before linking arms with him. "Let him figure it out on his own," she said before tugging Jax away with her.

Alistair's shoulders slumped with defeat. He would never understand some people. He bent down and picked up the rope along with his armor that he had discarded earlier before heading back to Vigil's Keep. He was going to need a long nap… or cheese. His nose wrinkled slightly as he thought about it. Ah, yes, the latter would do. His stomach rumbled in agreement.

* * *

><p>Alistair popped the last bit of his meal into his mouth and washed it down with water as Fiona came into his office. He gave her a small smile as she closed the door behind him. "I've sent scouts towards the Silverite Mines. There's been reported activity of darkspawn in the area," she told him.<p>

"In this storm?" He asked as his eyebrows furrowed slightly.

The First Warden nodded. "It's lightening up," she replied. "The men can handle it, yes?" They could. They both knew it. "It was a noble thing you did for the Cousland girl." She moved towards the right wall of the office. Her fingers grazed the bookshelves and Alistair wondered if his mother had a point to all of this. "How is she?"

"Well," he replied. "No concussion according to Anders. I had Jax double check."

"Very thorough of you," she said with a small smile.

"If that's what you want to call it." He sighed and realized what she was doing. It was the same thing that Jax and Seph had hinted at. It was the reason why Nathaniel glared daggers his way…and it was why he hadn't thought twice before jumping into a pit so Lia wouldn't be alone. "Can I ask you something?"

The dainty elf nodded her head. "Anything."

"Did you love Maric?"

He watched the elf stiffen. "Yes." She gave him a questioning look. He wanted to reassure her that he had a point but he couldn't find the proper words to let her know without sounding like a complete fool. "But I still wouldn't change the decision I made."

"Why's that?"

"Because I'm a mage…an elf…Orlesian...and a Warden. Take your pick, son."

He understood the complications of all four. He had fallen in love with a mage. Being part elf and part Orlesian would take some time to get use to but he could imagine how Ferelden would have reacted if Evie had placed him as king. The only thing he had felt that he had been meant to be a part of was being a Warden. Alistair leaned back in his chair. "If he wasn't king, do you think it could have worked?"

Fiona was silent for a few moments before she decided to answer. She crossed her arms in front of her body and spoke slowly, "No. We were too damaged to even think about such a thing even without our own duties that we had to carry through."

He ran his tongue over his lower lip and looked at her. That hadn't been the answer he had wanted to hear but he had the feeling that was going to be a common thing with her. "Were you able to move on?"

The pain on her face made his heart clench. He needed to know. He needed to know that the ability to have that sort of strength could have been passed from her to him. Would the hole in his life be filled again? He thought that it wouldn't have been possible. He had been encouraged to look but hadn't wanted to. He thought that Evie had still been with him but that had been a lie. It had been a ploy from someone to keep him complacent. Well, when Alistair got his hands on the bastard he would make sure he felt exactly what he had felt the moment he watched Evie die. But now…part of him didn't want to be alone anymore.

"Yes," she replied, "but I chose not to. Don't make the same mistake that I did." He felt like he had been punched in the stomach. It hurt to breathe as Fiona made her way to stand in front of his desk. She leaned forward as she placed a hand over his. "It's okay," she told him. "I'm sure she'd want you to be happy." He nodded slowly.

"So who is she?"

He looked his mother in the eyes before he asked, "Who is who?" As if they both didn't know…

"The one who you're thinking about?" The mischievous glint in her eye was not lost on him. Alistair pushed back his chair and stood up. "Oh," Fiona said. "No wonder."

That knowing look made him want to hide. "It's nothing," he told her. Would it be so bad to at least try? Maker, it scared him more than anything but he had faced worse things before. He would take baby steps. That was all he was sure that he could let himself do at the moment. He swallowed hard and the thought as he brought up his hands to rub the tension away from his temples.

"I'm sure." The tone she had taken in that moment reminded him of Wynne when she tried to explain to him where babies came from. A small smile crept onto his face and Fiona laughed. "Start preparation," she told him, "depending on what the scouts find, we may be going to the Silverite Mines."

Alistair nodded. "Yes ma'am."

Fiona let out a snort of a laugh. "Don't call me ma'am."

* * *

><p>Lia looked up from her book when there was a light knock. She smiled when she saw Alistair standing in the doorway. He smiled back at her as she set the book down by her side. "Hello," she greeted him. "Need me for something?"<p>

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Pretty good. Ready to kick some darkspawn ass," she replied with a grin. Nike barked next to her and she snapped her fingers before she pointed to the dog. "You, ser, are still in trouble." The mabari bent his head and laid down next to her bed.

Alistair leaned against the door frame and crossed his arms in front of his body. "Do you think you'll be ready to go out tomorrow?"

"Of course," she replied. There was no way that she would stay behind if the others were leaving the Keep.

"I mean, not go out go out but going out." Maker, the way he stumbled over his words was adorable.

Lia let out a small laugh. "I know what you mean," she reassured him. "Where are we going?"

"The Silverite Mines. Our lovely First Warden thinks something is going on there."

She raised an eyebrow. "And what do you think?" He seemed a little surprised that she would ask that. She took satisfaction in the fact that she was able to surprise him like that. Lia tilted her head to the side for a moment, curious to see how he would respond. She knew that the First Warden was his mother but in her opinion, her Commander was who she was going to listen to. Whether that was the Warden way or not remained to be seen and honestly, Maker help her, she didn't care.

"I think that it could either be bandits or it could really be darkspawn. Either way, since not only am I Warden Commander, I am also Arl it is something that I have to look into," he told her. She couldn't help but smile.

"If only there had been more men like you among the nobility," she said, "it might have made me want to stay."

Alistair laughed. "Well I am glad that you're here."

She felt her cheeks flush at his admission. Lia glanced down at her hands as they fidgeted slightly and curled against the bedding. She didn't know what to say and by his awkward cough, he didn't know either. Part of her said that feelings for her superior were wrong and it couldn't happen. Oh the complications that it could cause.

"_Alistair-"_

"_-Lia."_

She brought up a hand and scratched the back of her neck. "You first," she said as she made a motion with her other hand for him to continue.

"When we get back, would you like…to do something? I don't know what but just me and you?"

He seemed nervous. Andraste's ass, she was nervous for him. She ran her tongue over her lower lip and wondered how to answer him. It wasn't like she didn't already know the answer that she wanted to give. "Are you sure?" She asked. "The last time I thought…" Her voice trailed off.

"I know," he said with a small nod. "I wasn't ready to try after everything…but I am now." She watched his eyebrows furrow together and she got up from her bed as he looked away. When she got close to him, she leaned in and kissed his cheek. She didn't want to question him further in fear that he might change his mind.

"Okay."


	11. Breaking Inside

**A/N:** _Thank you to everyone who reviewed and alerted this. And thank you to Saga for being my beta. Sorry this took so long!_

"Almost Alright"

_I don't want to live_

_To waste another day_

_Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made_

_Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside_

_I don't want to fall and say I lost it all_

_-"Breaking Inside" by Shinedown_

Lia crouched down next to Seph as the two red heads glanced at Alistair. He looked ahead as he watched Fiona and her team, Nathaniel, Oghren and Anders, approach the Silverite Mines before several darkspawn and an ogre burst out. The distraction team lured the group away from the entrance. "Looks like it's our turn," Jax said behind them. Maker's breath she hoped this plan worked. She stood up, daggers drawn and ready.

"Sense anything, Commander?" Lia asked.

Alistair glanced her way. The disheartened look on his face told her everything she needed to know. Yes, he did, but for some reason he didn't want to share. Whatever it was upset him. She wanted to reach out and touch him but she didn't know if it was good idea or not. Lia bit on her lower lip.

"So what do we do?" Seph asked. "The window is slowly closing."

Alistair nodded. "Let's go."

The three wardens followed their commander into the mines. It was dark and eerily quiet. Lia hadn't known what she really expected. She could feel the taint in her blood reaching out. She felt like she should be screaming but she was too afraid to open her mouth. She sucked in a sharp breath and that was when she heard movement. Her head snapped upwards when she saw what looked to be a darkspawn emissary…but oddly different at the same time.

"I knew that you would find us," he said. Lia followed his gaze to Alistair.

"You know this thing?" Seph asked him, taking the words right out of her mouth.

She could feel magic surge around them as Jax drew his staff. "I don't have a good feeling about this." Alistair took a step forward but it was too late. Lia was too slow to notice the trap that he set off. Damn it. The four of them seemed to sway on their feet.

"Why?" She heard Alistair ask. "You didn't keep your end of the deal!" Deal? What deal? She opened her mouth to say something before she fell to her knees and onto the ground. Their leader was the last to go down and everything went black.

When Lia came to, she felt the warm sensation of healing magic. "That's it, there you go." Jax? Her eyes fluttered open and the room swayed. "Well, hello there," he greeted her with a grin. "Glad to see I could coax you into waking."

"They took our stuff," came Seph's voice from somewhere in the room. Or prison, in their case, as she noticed the metal bars encasing them in a small area.

Lia noticed Alistair standing in front of them with his back turned. "What was that thing?"

"The Architect," he replied without turning to look at her. "He's a darkspawn, but he's so much more at the same time." Maker, she would imagine. The thing could talk! Her eyebrows furrowed together as she brought up her hand and rubbed her forehead.

"I heard you say something about a deal." Lia noticed both Seph and Jax turn their gaze to Alistair, both surprised at the news.

He sighed. "I think it's time I start being honest," he said quietly. "This isn't the first time that I've met the Architect. At a friend's expense, I made a deal when I could have killed him." She didn't ask what kind. She felt like that answer was coming but he needed to take his time. "During the Blight, my old mentor, Duncan, was killed. But when we returned to Ostagar, his body was missing. I wanted to know. I needed to know." Alistair hung his head. "I owed the man my life. He deserved proper burial rights. But he didn't hold up his end of the deal. He wanted to live. I should have known…" He choked on his words as Lia got up to her feet. She placed her hand on his shoulder.

"You couldn't have known," she told him gently. She was the last person in the world that could judge. If she had been in the same position and had the chance to see her family, she would have done the same thing.

"She's right," Seph said softly. "It was stupid of you to trust a darkspawn, but no one here blames you."

Alistair glanced back at them and nodded. He opened his mouth to say something to them when a door on the far side of the room opened. "Be prepared for anything," he warned them.

It was a darkspawn, that much Lia could tell, but when it came into view, with its head bowed, she didn't know what to expect. "I am sorry," it said. His voice was raspy, but the underlying tone sounded like…remorse.

"Messenger?" Alistair asked.

The darkspawn nodded. How many more of them could talk? Lia bit her tongue as she waited to see what happened. "What are you doing here?" Alistair asked.

"To help," the Messenger replied. It reached into its pocket and pulled out a key to unlock the cell. "This key will also unlock the room where your weapons are."

"Why would a darkspawn help us?" Seph asked. Her eyes narrowed at the thing as she crossed her arms in front of her. She never trusted easily but for good reason. The darkspawn must have had an ulterior motive, right? How could they trust it when another talking darkspawn had been the one that had put them there?

"Well, I'm not going to complain," Jax replied as he cocked an eyebrow at his significant other. He offered a smile which made her relax some, but Lia couldn't help but think that the other red head had a point.

"Duncan," the darkspawn replied.

Lia wished that she could see Alistair's face. "What?" His voice was broken, tight, but desperate. "Do not lie to me, Messenger."

"I am Duncan. I was…Duncan," he replied. "Please, take this and go."

Alistair shook his head. "No," he replied. "No, how is it you? How…"

Did darkspawn smile? If they did, Lia was sure that the look on the Messenger's face was the closest that they were ever going to see on one. He leaned in and said something to Alistair that she couldn't hear. Lia glanced at Seph and Jax. It seemed like they hadn't heard it either.

"Alistair?" Lia questioned, wondering what they were going to do next. He took the key from the Messenger after their cell was unlocked. Jax and Seph were the first ones out and Lia followed. She turned to the Warden Commander who held out a hand to the talking darkspawn.

"Come with us," he begged him.

The Messenger shook his head. "I cannot," he replied. "It is not my world anymore." Her heart broke for the two of them.

"That doesn't have to be true," Alistair argued.

"Yes, it does. Now go and please, please do not tell Fiona. I know she hunts the Architect. Don't trust him. Don't listen."

Alistair nodded and turned away. He started towards his wardens before he stopped to look back at the Messenger. "I will be back for you… Duncan. Thank you." The inner conflict had been written all over his face as he rejoined the three of them. He quietly found the cell that held their weapons and they rearmed themselves. Now they just had to find a way out.

No one spoke as they walked through the Silverite Mines. Either they were too afraid to or they just didn't know what to say. Lia was betting on the latter. She had met Duncan once when he had come to Castle Cousland to recruit. He had been unable to find acceptable potentials to take with him, though the rumor mill within the castle walls had said that he wanted to recruit her and her father wouldn't hear of it.

If Bryce Cousland could see her now…

Lia shook her head as the sounds of battle echoed towards them. Their pace quickened in time to see Fiona, Oghren, Nathaniel and Anders fighting… The Architect. The fierceness on the elf as she faced the small dwarf with white eyes surprised her. "You will let me near him!" Fiona cried. "Utha!" But they continued to fight and the First Warden's advancement to her foe was near nonexistent.

Alistair left Seph, Lia and Jax to chase after the Architect. Magic soared towards him and he did his best to block it with his shield. Lia ran after him. She hadn't realized what she was doing until she was by his side. More darkspawn poured into the cavern they were in, but it wouldn't stop them. It couldn't.

Everything had happened too fast. Battle cries echoed around them. The gurgling sounds of dying darkspawn added to the sound as the eight of them seemed to be able to cut through the flanking lines. Bodies fell, littering the ground around them, and they were able to close in on the Architect. Lia rolled as a lightning spell barely missed her. She threw her dagger at the closest darkspawn and caught it in the neck. As it fell backward she grabbed her dagger and rammed the heel of her boot against its chest.

Seph moved quickly with Jax by her side. The mixture of primal spells and berserker moves decimated those who came after them. Alistair was finally able to reach the Architect and take him on himself. The cries that left his lips were not human. They were raw with a fury that he should have had control of, but he made a mistake. He left an open spot for the Architect to catch him off guard. The emissary's long talons clawed his face as a spell, Lia was unsure of what kind, sent him flying back.

"No!" Was she the one who screamed that? No, she was sure it wasn't. Fiona jumped in front of her son. She swung her staff above her head and rammed it against the Architect's side. A spell erupted from her sending the emissary staggering back. The dwarf…Utha jabbed her sword towards Fiona and it ripped open her robes on the side.

Lia went to Alistair's side and saw blood gushing from his wounds. "Jax! Anders!" She yelled for a healer. The others could handle the Architect and his little follower.

Anders was the first to arrive, falling to the other side of Alistair. She watched as the wounds on their Commander's face started to close from gashes to mere scratches. "You're going to have a scar," Anders told Alistair as he came to. The mage looked at Lia. "But I hear women love them." He gave her a cheeky wink and she reminded herself to slap him later.

"Where…" Alistair began to ask. "Where is he?"

"Easy," Lia warned as she helped him to his feet. Anders was good, but she didn't know if Alistair had fully come to yet or not.

The ground underneath them shook. Lia's head whipped around just to see that the Architect and Utha had indeed escaped. "It's a cave in!" Fiona yelled. "Retreat!"

Nathaniel had helped Lia get Alistair out of there quicker than he would have by himself. The eight of them collapsed on the ground when they escaped the mines. Lia had been unsure about how long they had been running, but it had been enough.

"Duncan," Alistair whispered. "He was still in there."

Fiona went to her son and grabbed the front of his shirt. "Listen to me," she said. "Listen to me closely Alistair. Whatever was said in there, whoever you met that claimed to be Duncan, it isn't him anymore. He is gone!" The First Warden winced in pain. "They both are." Lia gathered that Utha was included. She averted her eyes to the ground for a moment. She didn't know the story there, so who was she to comment.

"You're wrong," he argued. "He said the one thing that only Duncan would know. He knew why I needed to leave the Chantry." Lia raised an eyebrow. She watched as Alistair swallowed hard and looked away. Things must have been difficult for him growing up. She wanted to ask, she wanted to know, but they were just getting close and if he wanted to share, he would.

Fiona shoved him back slightly as he was still on the ground. "You are a fool," she told him.

"He isn't," Lia found herself saying. She knew that it wasn't her place, but the fury that burned in her heart from the conversation wasn't going to go away. Seph gave her a knowing look. Holding her tongue would have been the smarter option, but one did not always fall on common sense. "If my parents had been in that position or anyone of my family that had died, I would have spared them. I would have believed every word that they said even if they were a darkspawn."

Fiona's eyes narrowed at her. She watched the elf as she turned away and as her shoulders slumped slightly. "Forgive me, son."

"We need to get back to the Keep…._First Warden_," he said. Alistair sounded cold. If Lia hadn't known better, she would have been frightened for him, but as it were, she knew he was hurting. Could he believe the Messenger? Or did he follow the advice of his mother? He brought a hand up to his face and touched where he would bear a scare for the rest of his life. Lia noticed that he was looking at her and she offered him a small smile.

"After you," she whispered so only he could hear.

It was good to see the smile returned.

* * *

><p>He just…needed to think. Part of him thought that was a wild understatement. The sun was starting to set and he just wanted a place to himself. He didn't want to deal with the Banns demanding his attention. He left Varel to deal with politics, and luckily, his mother had decided to step in, even if it was only to get on his good side again. He ran a hand over his face and stopped when he reached the tender area where the Architect had clawed him over his right eye. If it wasn't for Anders, he probably would have lost sight in it. He could live with the scars. At the moment they were like scratches. He had a few puckered scars around his body; a few more wouldn't make a difference to him.<p>

She had never left his side during the battle or after. Lia Cousland, he didn't know what to think of her. She could have been compared to Evie, but he would never do that. Both women were their own person. He knew he needed to stop living in the past if he was to move on in his life. Maker, things might not even work out, but it was worth the chance, wasn't it? He bit his lower lip as he thought about it. Alistair grabbed onto the stone wall in front him and looked down at the busy Keep below him.

Something big was still around the corner, he could feel it.

"Will you tell me about him?" Her voice caught him off guard. His first reaction was to tell her to leave him alone, but in reality, he didn't want to be by himself. Alistair smiled slightly as he turned his head to look at Lia. Her head was tilted to the side slightly as she smiled at him. "Duncan, I mean."

"I thought I was the only one who knew about this place," he said. It was the highest point of Vigil's Keep. It overlooked the whole castle and had a fantastic view of Amaranthine.

"Well I did spend a lot of time here as a young girl," she replied, smirking a bit as she made her way closer to him. "And there is a Howe roaming around, so I think that your secret spot isn't so secret."

Alistair laughed slightly and nodded. "So what did you want to know about him?"

"He was like a father to you, wasn't he?"

He turned away and crossed his arms in front of his body. "He watched over me for as long as I could remember. I would see him every so often, but we never spoke until he had come to the Chantry that I had been sent to. It wasn't too far from Highever. The things that went on there…" He shook his head. "Well they weren't very Chantry-like and he knew. He became like a father to me, eventually, and when he died, I blamed myself."

Lia nodded slowly. "May I speak without causing you offense?"

He looked at her, surprised that she would even ask that. "Of course."

"I thought that darkspawn were born," she began slowly. "If that's so then that couldn't have been Duncan, right?"

Alistair sucked in a sharp breath. He wanted to believe that it was. He needed to believe. "What he said made me begin to think otherwise…" he admitted.

"What exactly did he say to you in the cell?" She asked as she stood next to him.

"Maybe one day I will tell you what it was about," he replied. "But for now just trust me." She nodded and he felt like she did. He had allowed himself to start to get closer to her, but he couldn't reveal everything just yet. He offered her a small smile. He reached out and took her hand in his. It was a brave notion for him, bold but comforting. "Thank you for standing up for me outside the mines. Not many people would risk the wrath of the First Warden."

A small snort of a laugh escaped her. He liked the way her head tilted backwards as she laughed and how her eyes squinted slightly. "I'm a natural rebel," she told him. "My father used to remind me daily."

"I don't doubt that."

Lia nudged him and he wrapped an arm around her. Bold, yes, but bold was good. "By the way, this doesn't count for our first date."

Alistair sighed. "Women."

**A/N:** _I will definitely be expanding more on the Duncan/Messenger thing in time, I promise._


	12. Love's Staring Back At Me

**A/N:** _The "date!" Though sorry it took so long. Thanks Saga for being my beta love. xoxo A big thanks to you guys who are still sticking with me, who are reviewing and alerting this. The feedback really means a lot to me. So I had some fun with this and I hope you like this fluff about as much as I did. _

* * *

><p>"Almost Alright"<p>

_Just a touch, a smile as you turn the other cheek_

_Pray for your enemies, humble yourself, love's staring back at me_

_-"Looking for Angels" by Skillet_

"Ladies don't fidget."

Lia sighed. "I'm not a lady," she whispered the words of Old Nan. She brought up a hand and rubbed the back of her neck. She looked completely ridiculous. She didn't know why she let this…Leliana help her. She wrinkled her nose slightly. "Besides, I thought you Orlesians were supposed to know fashion."

"This is the latest-" She didn't care. The ruffles, the terrible lace, the unflattering tapering. She had seen dresses like that before in her younger days when her mother tried to dress her up for all the little noble boys to see. She didn't stand for it then and she wasn't going to stand for it now.

"It's horrible," she interrupted.

"I can see why Alistair likes you," Leliana said.

Lia glanced down. "Is it because I remind you of his lost lady love?"

The Orlesian's face grew cold and stiff. To true Ferelden nature, Lia had picked and poked until she found a weakness in the old conquerors. She ran her tongue over her lower lip as Leliana took a step towards her. "Do not think that he was the only one who loved her," she said lowly.

A smile graced Lia's features despite herself. Yes, she had known who she was. She would recognize that shade of red anywhere. When the youngest Cousland had first seen the Orlesian, it had been at the Landsmeet where the Hero of River Dane had met his death and the beginning of a new hero had started.

"I think I might like you, Leliana," she said.

The other woman smiled. "Be good to him and the feeling might be mutual," she replied. "Now…I don't think this frilly stuff will scream 'you' when you see him. How about you tell me what you like, yes?"

That was something Lia could agree to. She found a nice fitting deep purple dress with no frills or lace. She loved the feeling of the fabric between her fingers. She sighed a bit and ran her fingers through her red hair. She had no plans on fighting tonight, but that didn't stop her from strapping her daggers underneath the skirt of her dress.

Wouldn't Alistair be in for a surprise? Though, she didn't think the night would go that far. Softly smiling to herself, Lia brought up a hand and scratched the back of her neck. It had been hours since she decided on the outfit. Leliana had left her side because she wanted to be alone. She looked at herself in the mirror and couldn't believe her own reflection. She wondered what her mother would say. She didn't look like the person she saw the last time she looked at herself in the mirror.

Part of her was glad that she had begged Seph to come into their room the entire time she was in there with Leliana. It wasn't like her best friend got along with the Orlesian either.

Lia ran her tongue over her lower lip and decided that it was time for her to seek out her dear Warden-Commander. She kept her head low, face flushing with embarrassment for the fact that she was actually about to go on a date. A date. Even as a Lady she had never done such a thing. She made her way to the main meeting room which she knew Howe had called the 'throne room.' Lia couldn't help but roll her eyes at the thought. She slowly pushed the doors open to see a crowd of people standing before her.

"You think because you're the bastard son of a king that you have the right!"

"You're not the Hero of Ferelden! How can you save us?"

"Arl Eamon can only help you so far."

That was when she saw Alistair. His head hung low as he brought up his hand to rub his temples. "Please, please," he started. "All of you just calm down for a moment. No need for insults." He sighed. "I will send some soldier and Wardens to your land." He looked at another noble. "You will get your crops." He turned his attention to another. "Do what you like with the prisoner, they are your lands." He glanced at Varel and turned his back to the crowd as the Seneschal dismissed them.

Lia hung back to avoid any unwanted eyes. She knew that with joining the Wardens and breaking an engagement her name was still popular in Fereldan gossip. As soon as the room cleared she walked in. Alistair's back was turned to her as he leaned over a desk. She watched his shoulders shaking and she frowned. With her rogue abilities, she moved quietly until she was by his side. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and smiled.

"You know they're wrong," she told him.

His head turned quickly to face her. "Cecilia…" The worry lines around his eyes seemed more defined than usual. And the fact that he called her by her full name… something was definitely on his mind.

Lia made a face. He needed to get his mind off of what was bothering him. "Oh, the full name, am I in trouble?" She teased.

He smiled and shook his head. "No," he replied. "I'm sorry. I forgot about tonight." He took her hand in his. "Forgive me, but-"

She quieted him by placing a finger on his lips and smiled back at him. "You're not cancelling on me, are you, Commander?"

He took her hand in his and brushed his lips against her knuckles. "I should have known."

She looked amused. "Yes," she told him. "You should have." A moment of hesitation passed between them. "Fergus could help. I'm sure the support of the Teyrn would silence a few nobles."

Alistair frowned at her. "Even after you ran away to the Wardens?"

It was her turn to make the same face. "I didn't run away." She turned around to leave but he caught her by the hand.

"Don't go."

She turned her head slightly with a raised eyebrow. "Is that an order?"

"No, Lia…it's a request. Please stay," he said in a low voice that she couldn't resist. "I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it. It was just-"

"The stress talking, I understand." She had grown up in the atmosphere of nobility, after all. "Which is why you're not cancelling on me."

"I had it all planned, the Crown and Lion, dinner and what not…" Alistair glanced down and she watched him blush slightly.

Lia's lips pursed in amusement. "Such a romantic."

He let out a small laugh. "So I've been told," he replied. A moment of silence fell between them and he smiled. "You look beautiful." She felt heat rush to her cheeks. She had heard plenty of compliments in her lifetime, but they were different now, coming from him.

"Would you settle for a dance then?" She raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for an answer.

"There's no music."

"I don't think we need any."

She held out her hand to him and he took it. He pulled her gently against him and their little dance started. "I feel completely ridiculous," he muttered under his breath. Yes, it was true, but they were alone and well, she couldn't imagine them doing anything else honestly. She leaned her head against his chest and closed her eyes.

One of his hands went to the small of her back and she felt the weight of his head against hers. It was perfect. Whatever sort of dreamer that had been left in her after the attack on her family had emerged. Logically, she knew when you think that things are perfect; something is around the corner that will rip it away. Her eyes opened again and she felt her tight grip onto his shoulders. She loosened her grasp and snaked her arms around his neck.

Her fingers stroked the back of his neck. "Is it ridiculous now?" She asked. Her features twisted to amusement after trying to suppress a laugh.

Alistair let out a 'ha' sound as he shook his head. "No," he replied. "Not at all."

Lia stared up at him and thought for a moment that he was going to kiss her. Her stomach twisted in anticipation as his head angled down towards her. Before she realized what she was doing, she had inclined her head upward to look at him. She closed her eyes as he leaned in and then they snapped back open when a belch echoed through the room.

"Commander! Alistair! Where are yo- OH! Well, har har, good timing, eh?"

She swore under her breath that she was going to run a sword through the dwarf. Alistair didn't move away from her. "What is it, Oghren?" A hint of irritation laced his voice. She gave him a small smile to tell him that it was okay.

"Yer mother wants ya," he replied.

"Why?"

"Scouts caught sight of a party heading our way," the dwarf told him. "Dear Queenie wants to say hello."

Lia could feel Alistair stiffen next to her. Anora. She had no idea of the relationship between the two except that the queen had been married to his brother. Oghren left without another word and she pulled back away from him, but he caught her hand again.

Without a word he pulled her close. Her hands rested on his chest just before he leaned her back slightly and their lips met. She felt like she couldn't breathe but she didn't need air. She felt like her head would explode but she was floating. Her heart pounded against her chest as it tightened. Her hands trailed upwards and wrapped around his neck as she deepened the kiss. She knew they would have to pull back for air sometime soon, but she didn't want to be the one to break the kiss.

The feel of his lips against hers was a beautiful thing. Her toes tingled and her knees buckled. He kissed her as if she had never been kissed before and considering the feeling that he left her with as he pulled back, it had seemed as if that were true. A girl dreamed of her first kiss, and while he wasn't hers and she certainly wasn't his, it felt like all other kisses before had never counted. There was just him and only him.

The fact that she felt that way was completely enlightening and frightening.

He was out of breath. Well that was good. Her chest heaved against his and she smiled, feeling her cheeks flush. "What was that about?" She asked lightly.

"I didn't want to end the night without doing that."

* * *

><p>"Why have you come, Anora?"<p>

Lia and Seph exchanged glances and they stood behind Alistair. "It is my duty to see how the Wardens are handling these attacks. As Queen, Warden-Commander, I need to see that you are doing your part in this," Anora said.

Oh, she was just like Lia had remembered. As daughters to Ferelden's Teyrns, Anora and Lia had come into contact several times. Both women were trained in both combat and etiquette. Both women were familiar with politics and gossip. Both women were trained to uphold duty and honor. A little voice inside Lia's head told her to guess which woman had an aptitude for which.

"I believe that it is an appropriate time to remind you that I answer to you out of courtesy, and while you might threaten to have the Wardens banned from Ferelden again, it is a move that you won't make because the nobles wouldn't hear of it," Alistair said back.

"And I believe that it is time to remind you that you wouldn't even be here if it weren't for my say," she argued sweetly.

"I believe that it was the Hero's say," Lia spoke up. "Be careful, Anora, your bitterness is showing." After all, it had been Alistair who took Loghain's life.

She watched as the blonde woman tensed and her face pinched into a sort of fury that Lia found amusing. "Cecilia," she greeted her, "it is a wonder how Teyrn Cousland manages to keep peace particularly when his own sister runs away from marriage."

"What?" The question fell from Alistair's lips. It was only a whisper but she had been able to hear it. She had thought that he knew. She had thought that her brother had told him in the letter that he had sent. So close. They had gotten so close.

"Engagement would be the better term," she said, speaking to Alistair and ignoring Anora in the process. "I told you when I got here that I didn't want it."

"I don't think this is the place for it," Seph said lightly.

"I'm enjoying the show," Anders piped up.

"Shut up, Anders," Lia sighed, slightly exasperated.

"Anything for you, Red."

"As you can see, Your Highness, your presence isn't needed here," Alistair said, loudly.

"You don't have the authority to tell me to leave," she countered.

"But I do." Attention turned to the Orlesian accent. The tiny elf made her way through the crowd with a smile. Fiona cocked her head to the side and Lia could definitely see some sort of resemblance between her and Alistair. "The matter is under the attention of the First Warden, Your Highness." She tilted her head slightly down.

"Well then," Anora said as her lips turned into thin lines. "Fair enough."

"Alistair," Fiona verbally nudged her son.

A low growl escaped the Warden-Commander. "If it pleases you, rest for the day before your travel back to Denerim," he offered. Lia knew that the woman wouldn't be able to refuse.

"Thank you, Warden-Commander." Anora had tried to sound as pleasant as she could. To Lia it sounded like she wanted to throw up.

The Queen made her way past the group of Wardens with a group of Templars following her. Soon the others followed in suite, which left Lia and Alistair alone. "Alistair," she began once she knew they were truly alone.

"Just… give me a moment," he said. For a moment, she felt like any progress she had made with him had disappeared. He turned to face her. "Why didn't you tell me?"

'It didn't come up,' seemed like a piss poor excuse. She bit her lower lip. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "But it doesn't matter. I didn't love him. I just grew up with him. It was never going to work." He closed the space between them. Alistair sucked in a deep breath and she watched him, waiting for a moment that would tell her what he was going to do next. She swallowed hard when she found her head tilted upwards as she looked at him.

"And what about us? Are we going to work?"

She smiled softly at him. "Yes," she replied. "We share something I've never felt with anyone else."

He cupped her chin before he ran his thumb over her lower lip. Alistair smirked slightly. "Are you saying you love me?"

She laughed. "No," she told him, "but I could."


	13. Find My Way

**A/N:** _A million apologies for the lateness of an update. Thank you to everyone who has made this story what it is by their support. All of you who have reviewed and alerted this, you're amazing. I'm going to go ahead and warn you that the chapter is a bit choppy and I apologize. _

"Almost Alright"

_Another day in this carnival of souls_

_Another night settles in as quickly as it goes_

_The memories of shadows, ink on the page_

_And I can't seem to find my way home_

_-"Far From Home" by Five Finger Death Punch_

Alistair watched as the carrier gave Lia a piece of parchment. He was close enough to see the crest of Highever pressed into the wax that sealed it. The tips of her fingers ripped through the red wax and he glanced down, not wanting her to know that he was watching. Anything could be in that letter. He couldn't help but remember his small conversation with Anora days before when she had first arrived.

"_Envy isn't you, Anora."_

"_That is a matter you know nothing of, Alistair."_

_The Warden-Commander took a seat across from the queen. She looked like she was fuming. For someone who was so intelligent and almost beautiful…she could be completely stupid sometimes. It wasn't a wonder how she and Cailan worked. He wasn't sure what he was even doing there. Part of him felt like he was there to defend Lia but another part, well he just didn't know._

"_I can't decide if your quip towards Lia was ill done or well played," he said as his eyes narrowed slightly at her. "Is she the real reason why you've come?" _

_The queen looked unsure and to his surprise she didn't try to hide it. "There are rumors that Dragon's Peak plans to move against Highever." Anora shrugged her shoulders. "My quip, as you call it, was a warning to you mostly for Cailan's sake. I don't care what happens to her, but I will not suffer another war under my ruling." _

He could at least believe the last part. Alistair looked back up to see her crumble the parchment in her hands. Lia lifted her head and he watched as she swallowed hard. That was his queue to speak with her. "What did it say?" He asked softly.

He noted how she tried not to look at him. "I have to go home," she replied, matching his tone. "My brother politely requests my presence in a meeting with Bann Sighard." Her eyes met with his. He didn't have to ask her what for. "I'm sorry."

His eyebrows furrowed together. "What for?" She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Alistair felt his stomach flip. He knew exactly why she had apologized. Having been around politics some of his life, as much as he didn't like it, he was aware of how it all worked. The worst outcome would be her having to go through with the marriage to Oswyn to hinder the insult of her running.

To the Void with a noble's notion of honor. His childhood had been based off a noble's idea for honor and well, he wouldn't wish that on anyone. "Alistair…" She began but her voice trailed off. Andraste help him, he mustered a small smile.

"Don't go," he found himself saying. He had meant to tell her that he supported what she would decide but he feared that he might lose her, that she would agree to marry the heir to Dragon's Peak to pacify his father and appease her brother.

"I have to," she said, almost choking on her words. There was no rule against a Warden marrying. Desertion could be ignored but it was frowned upon. He could easily pull his position to make her stay but his mother could easily do the same by making her go. He wasn't just the Warden-Commander but he was the Arl of Amaranthine. He couldn't interfere as much as he wanted to.

He nodded and did the only thing he could do…accompany her to the boats. It was hard saying goodbye. He felt like he had just gotten her and now she was gone. Barker whimpered next to him as they watched the ship disappear from sight. He scratched the back of his neck as he turned away, fearing that would be the last time they would see each other in a long time.

"Come on boy," he said. "It's time to go back."

* * *

><p>The sail to Highever had taken longer than Lia would have liked. She missed everyone back at Vigil's Keep; Seph and Alistair the most. Nike looked lonely, which broke her heart. She was determined to give Fergus a piece of her mind for making her come home over something he could have settled easily. But it seemed that it wasn't only Sighard that wanted an explanation for her actions.<p>

As the ship docked, she went over in her head what she would say, but when she saw Fergus waiting for her, the practiced words were forgotten. She waited to smile at her brother until she watched one form on his face first. She hurried to him and hugged him tightly. Thank the Maker he wasn't angry.

"Lia," Fergus started, taking a tone that reminded her so much of their father. She pulled away from him, stiffening as she did so.

"Can we save the scolding for later? Or is the honored Bann waiting in the castle?" She asked.

"He's waiting," the Teyrn said. "I've told him that I was the one that allowed you to go to the Wardens, knowing that you needed to find your own path." The young Cousland stopped in her tracks. Her mouth gaped open slightly as she looked at him. He laughed when he saw her face. "Don't look so shocked. I know you better than you think. I might not have liked your decision but your life is not my own." When he turned away, she smiled. Maybe things weren't going to be so bad after all. The sooner that this was all settled, the sooner she could go home.

Maker, if things were only so easy.

Lia found herself having to explain her actions to not only Sighard but Oswyn as well. She wasn't one to beg forgiveness but she offered her apologies along with anything that she could do that was in her power. As soon as that offer had left her lips, she had come to regret them. She bit her lower lip as the older man seemed pleased. He promised to withdraw his troops from Highever's lands if she would accept the proposal again. That was something she could not do.

Bann Sighard had offered her three days to think about her decision. It was more than enough time for her to discover that Anora had backed his claim that she had broken an oath which meant she could be banished from Ferelden. If it came to that, she could only hope that Alistair would come to her aide with the First Warden in tow.

She was in her old room when a soft knock came to her door. She stood up from her bed as she felt a sense of déjà vu. Lia had to close her eyes to try and pace herself. Sighard would not be another Rendon Howe. Nike growled. "Stay your dog, Cecilia, it's Oswyn."

Lia winced at his voice before she opened the door. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" She asked. "Does your dear father know you are here?"

"No," he replied, looking gloomy. "May I come in?"

She feigned surprise. "To my bed chambers? Before we are to be wed?"

Oswyn rolled his eyes. "I'm well aware of your feelings on the situation and I assure you that I do not wish to marry you either," he snapped at her.

Lia was a little taken back by his little outburst but instead of anger, she felt relief. She reached out and grabbed the front of his shirt before she pulled him inside. If she hadn't tried to be careful she might have slammed the door shut as well. Did he think that she was a fool? No, he wouldn't have come if he thought so. He wouldn't have made his own admission either. Maybe there was some hope in the situation.

"If that is true, tell me why your father threatens war with my brother if I do not accept," she hissed at him.

The heir to Dragon's Peak held his hands up in defense. "Word has reached the gossipers that you and the Warden-Commander share more than a fondness of hunting darkspawn," he told her. "And I'm only telling you this because we were friends once… Anora means to marry Alistair."

"What?"

"Her hold in court is waning and to seal her position, she needs a Theirin whether she likes it or not," Oswyn told her. "Not only is he Warden-Commander but he is also an Arl and Maric's only living son." He shook his head and glanced to the ground. "I am truly sorry but they say that the Hero had tried to plan a union between them before she died slaying the Archdemon." Lia wanted to yell at him that he was a filthy liar. From what he knew of Evelyn and Alistair's relationship, there was no way that the Hero of Ferelden would have agreed.

"Oh, you are still my friend," she told him and made a motion for him to sit. "You must tell me more."

* * *

><p>In the days that Lia had been gone, the Wardens had acquired a new recruit. She was a Legionnaire of the Dead named Sigrun. She was as spunky as she was short and Alistair enjoyed her company. She had even volunteered to lead the party to find a man she had never met, but it was Seph that he chose to lead. Jax, Sigrun and Nathaniel went with her. He only hoped that it wasn't a death that they would find.<p>

His fingers trailed over the split between pages of the book. The feeling of uselessness was something that he was accustomed to but he thought those days had been over. In between having to delegate the nobles that have passed through Vigil's Keep, all he did was read. A distracted Commander wasn't good for any of the Wardens. So that was what he had been doing in that moment. His eyes glanced over the journal page that he had had open for the last few hours.

_I've kept my promise to her and I watch the boy. I heard him screaming before I saw him. He was trying to run but the Templars held him in place. I knew lyrium addiction was common among their Order and even though the lad didn't want that path of life they were trying to force him. That was not the life Fiona wanted him to have. I knew that I had no other choice._

He ran his hand through his hair before he scratched the back of his neck. It was Duncan's writing. The Messenger couldn't have seen it. Right? He sighed a bit. Maker's breath the thinking gave him a headache. The more he tried to make sense of it all, the less he knew. The less it seemed real. He fell into the pages of the journal far enough to not hear his incoming companion.

"Have you heard from her?" Alistair didn't have to look to know that Fiona had joined him. Their relationship was on the mend since the incident in the Silverite Mines. Not by much, though, he wasn't willing to budge that much.

He shook his head as he closed the journal. "No," he replied. He hadn't expected to either. "But I can't linger on it, can I? When she returns, if she returns, I will let her how know how missed she has been." He looked away from his mother as a small blush crept along his cheek.

"I'm happy for you, my son," she said quietly. Thank the Maker. Part of him had wanted her approval though he had no sight on what the future could hold.

"I'm worried about those who went to the Blackmarsh," he changed the subject when the opportunity had provided itself.

The elf crossed her arms in front of her body. "Would you send Wardens after them?" She asked.

"Yes," he replied, "and I will lead them." The look that she had given him then made him think that maybe he was his father's son after all… if not that then there was no question that he was hers. "I would take Anders and Oghren with but by your leave, I would like you to come as well."

Her eyebrows furrowed together. He didn't think that the First Warden would deny his request. It wasn't made as a subordinate but more as a son. "Anything you need," she told him and he watched as her eyes glanced past him to the book on his desk. "What's that?" She asked lightly.

"Memories," he told her and smiled. "Don't pry. It's unbecoming of the First Warden."

Fiona laughed. "Is it unbecoming of a mother?" She asked. Her nose crinkled slightly. "I'm still getting use to the role. It's not one that I thought I would fill in this lifetime." Alistair briefly touched her arm before he moved towards the door.

He paused in the doorway and gripped the frame as if he were trying to balance himself from falling. "We should go. The sooner we get to the Blackmarsh the better I will feel."

* * *

><p>Hurried footsteps echoed through the dark halls of Castle Cousland. Lia wondered if her secrecy would be mistaken for paranoia. She made her way to where her parents' bedroom once was. Now it was where Fergus slept. She sighed heavily as she stalked up to the large wooden door. It was the only place untainted by innocent blood from the Howe attack. It was no wonder why he would rather sleep there.<p>

She lifted a hand and knocked. The rogue listened carefully to hear movement inside the bedroom. When she heard it accompanied by muffled swearing, a brief smile made an appearance on her face. The door quickly swung open and she was greeted with the sight of her brother, whose mouth hung open as his features twisted in anger. He calmed himself when he realized that it was just her outside of his door.

"Lia, what's going on?" He asked.

She moved past him and whirled around. "Did you know?" She asked. The Teyrn looked confused and she held up a hand to rephrase her question. "Did you know of Anora's plans?" The look on his face told her that he had. She scoffed. "Brother, why? Why would you help her?"

Fergus closed the door behind him. "Why would I not?" He asked her. "You act as if she is some vile creature, sister, but really it is no secret that she needs a Theirin to secure her rule. It's a fact she tried to deny but one she can't hide from any longer."

"But what about his feelings?" She asked. The question had almost come out, _what about me?_

"Not everyone can afford the luxury of love in a marriage," he replied bitterly.

Lia was taken back slightly. "Is that what you thought about your own?" She was testing the waters. She needed the truth and knew if she asked the right questions, she could prod it out of her brother no matter how hard he tried to hide it from her.

"Oriana was a good wife," he snapped at her. "She gave me a son and when I had come to love her, they were taken from me." That was when she understood.

"And Anora was the one you loved before," she added quietly. "But why not marry her then?" She watched her brothers face crumble as he took a seat on his bed.

"I was to inherit Highever and she was promised to Cailan. It wouldn't have gone over well, as you can imagine," he replied quietly. Andraste's ass. Lia was thankful that she hadn't been the firstborn. She moved to sit next to her brother and hugged him. "I'm sorry," she heard him say.

"There is no need to apologize," she told him, "but there is another way for this to work out, brother."

"Then it is a way that I cannot see."

Lia pulled back to look at him. She began to wonder if the plan making its way into her head would even work. But it was crazy enough. "Serve her as Prince Consort and keep the Teyrn. It will be a strong enough alliance for the nobles to respect. If they hadn't felt so loyal to Maric, they would have named our father king. Bring the idea to Anora. If she is still the woman you once loved, then it will appeal to her."

She watched as the corners of her brother's mouths twitched upwards. "And what do you get in all of this, dear one?" He asked. The tip of her tongue grazed over her lower lip as she hesitated. Most would think that it was Highever that she wanted but that hadn't been the case. "Stay and you can be Teyrna with Oswyn." She flinched and saw the concern in her brother's eyes.

"I can't," she replied.

"But this is your home," he argued.

"No," she replied with a shake of her head. "It was my home, and then it wasn't after it was taken from us. It hasn't felt the same since we got it back. I had a hard time finding a place to call home for awhile but I have found it brother. At Vigil's Keep." With Alistair… but that remained unsaid.

"Does the old home of a traitor mean more to you than your family's?" There was hurt laced in his words, confusion in his voice. Her heart ached just to hear him say that. She felt like she was betraying him, betraying their family, but she couldn't change her mind.

"No," she replied. Her feelings weren't something that she was able to coherently express to her brother but now with new found bravery, with the face of the reason behind it floating in her head, she was sure that she could. "But the man who leads it means everything to me. That…brother, is my home."

And finally Fergus smiled.


	14. Beautiful With You

**A/N:** _Thank you to Saga for betaing. Um. So…special surprise in the chapter that may be why this story has the rating that it does? Yes? Also big thanks to those who alerted this. xoxo_

"Almost Alright"

_But the way that you see me_

_You get underneath me_

_And all my defenses just fall away_

_Fall away_

_I'm beautiful with you_

_Even in the darkest part of me_

_-"Beautiful With You" by Halestorm _

It felt like it had been a long time since he had wept and that day, Alistair cried. He gripped onto Kristoff's shoulders as guilt took what seemed to be its rightful place within him. There had been so many unresolved issues between them. Andraste help him but he hadn't expected their friendship to end in such a way. He had thought when Kristoff returned to Vigil's Keep that they would be able to fix things, to become friends with no secrets between them. Ah, it was wishful thinking, perhaps even the guilt talking, but it made no difference. He still mourned for him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered and moved away from him. Fiona wrapped her arms around her son to comfort him as the others mourned in their own way. There was no love lost between Kristoff and most, but it was a sad day in the eyes of the Maker when your own was lost.

"There hasn't been a sign of the others," Anders said.

"Don't get your skirts in a knot, mage, they're around somewhere," Oghren added with a slap on the blonde's back. Oh, the Maker had a sense of humor. As soon as the words had left the dwarf's lips a flash of light nearly blinded them.

"I told you-"

"It doesn't matter!"

"Shut up, the both of you!"

"Agreed!"

Nathaniel, Seph, Sigrun and Jax appeared in a flurry of magic. Locals had said that the Veil was at its thinnest in the Blackmarsh. Alistair had thought it was just legend, but he knew in that moment that he should have known better. Seph had her sword out and Alistair realized that they weren't alone. A darkspawn roared at them before an arrow pierced its forehead and it fell back. Magic crackled around him as Fiona, Jax and Anders set fire to the remaining creatures. He bashed one down with his shield while arrows flew past him and he heard the hiss of Oghren's axe swinging through the air.

"I told you they'd come," Sigrun said with a grin. The Warden-Commander would have smiled at the spunky dwarf if it hadn't been for the next voice.

"What…where am I?"

In unison, the group of Warden's whirled around to watch the decaying corpse of Kristoff slowly stand. "Maker," was all they could whisper. All except for Oghren, of course, who had a special string of colorful words.

"Kristoff?" Alistair whispered.

"Was that his name?" Dead eyes looked at him. It wasn't the old Warden, but someone…something else occupied the corpse. His eyebrows furrowed together and Alistair felt himself take a step back. "Do not fear me," it said. "I am a spirit of Justice and I mean you no harm."

"A spirit of Justice?" Anders asked. "I've never heard of one possessing a corpse."

"Unless it's a demon," Fiona said as she readied her staff. "Careful of his words. I do not trust it." The Warden-Commander felt himself flinch. He'd had enough of the deception of spirits of any kind. The image of Evelyn's face turning into that Desire Demon would never leave him.

"I don't trust it," Seph let them know. "I say we kill it and go home."

"I like how she thinks," Oghren bellowed with a laugh at the end.

"Whatever you're thinking, dwarf, stop," Jax said, sighing. Alistair just wanted to tell them to stop talking but he would let the bickering continue until he thought of what to do. He agreed with Seph. There was no way of knowing what could come of this. It was better to let Kristoff's body lay in peace, uninhabited.

"Wait," it was Nathaniel that spoke. "Are you the same spirit that helped us in the Fade?"

Kristoff…the spirit…Justice…whatever it was, just nodded. Maker help him, Alistair felt like his head was going to explode. It made no difference, though he thought some might disagree. They would have to just accept his decision. He moved in front of his group of Wardens to finalize his judgment but another voice stopped him.

"The Mother…" The voice was faint and close to a hiss. The Warden-Commander turned to see a darkspawn on the ground, one that looked close to The Messenger but its voice was entirely different. Andraste's ass, of course there were more of them. Alistair knelt down beside the beast and his hand hovered over its wounded chest where Oghren's axe had cut deeply.

Death was close. He had seen enough of it to know. "Who is the Mother?" He asked gently.

The darkspawn laughed. Black blood sputtered from his mouth. "I don't think we're getting anything from it," Oghren said as he nudged Alistair slightly. "But what are we going to do with this other problem?"

Problem indeed. Alistair looked at Justice. "Are you going to be a problem?" He asked it.

Kristoff's eyes had taken the pale hue of the dead and it sent a shiver down the Warden-Commander's spine. "I do not wish to be," it told him. Alistair wondered if he was going to have difficulty distinguishing Justice from a he or it. He winced slightly as the corpse continued. "I have watched your companions in the Fade and their sense of justice is rare among the living. If you face these monsters, I wish to help."

Alistair wanted to ask what its definition of a monster was. He glanced back at his companions, his friends. There was a mix of interest and disgust. "I wouldn't advise it," Jax was the first to speak as he shook his head slightly.

"We may be able to learn from it," Fiona said softly by his side. "And you might get the closure you need." The second part had been meant for only him to hear.

With slight hesitation, Alistair extended his hand outwards to Justice, reminding himself to not call him Kristoff. "Justice, is it? Well, we could use you for our cause," he told him, "for however long you're with us." A grim thin line of a smile spread across his face before he led them back to Vigil's Keep to figure out who this 'Mother' was.

* * *

><p>It had been almost a month since she had left. Lia slung her bag over her shoulder as she pushed some hair out of her eyes to look at the large gates in front of her. She nodded to the guards at their posts who called for the gate to be opened. She thought about Fergus and their goodbye as she walked into the front courtyard.<p>

"_Promise me."_

"_I promise to try."_

That was all she could ask for. She wanted to see Alistair. She had thought a lot about him during her time in Highever, of what they were and what they could be and she found that she had missed him terribly. A brief smile appeared on her features as it did whenever she thought of the Warden-Commander.

"Red!" She jumped at the sight of her favorite mage, wrapping her arms around him, and squeezing him tightly. "Careful now, I wouldn't want Alistair to Holy Smite me…or maybe I would but that's an entirely different scenario in my head, thank you." Her lips pressed into a thin line as she tried to suppress a laugh. "So I take it your return isn't for a goodbye?" His eyebrows furrowed together and Lia reached up and brushed some dirty blond hair out of his eyes.

"This isn't a goodbye," she replied. "Did you miss me?"

"Yes," he answered quickly. "My Lady Bosom isn't as much fun when she threatens to run a sword through me." He wrapped his arms around her shoulders as he started to guide her towards the Warden quarters. "There is the matter of one of our newest members, Red. I think I should warn you that-"

"Anders, get out of my way."

Lia smiled as Seph appeared in the doorway. "Keeping the boys in check?" She asked her best friend. The other red head tilted her head backwards and laughed.

"Always," she said before clipping her in the shoulder. "Want me to let the Commander know you're back?"

The youngest Cousland wrinkled her nose slightly. "I want to surprise him," she replied.

Seph let out a snort of a laugh. "You're on a time limit then," she told her. "I'm glad you're back." And with that she was gone and Lia took her place in the door way as she turned to look at Anders.

"Newest member?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Something tells me I need to be more afraid of you than your sword-happy friend."

"Anders…"

"It was a phrase used very, very loosely." Anders looked around for a moment and Lia decided that she didn't like the way he was hesitating. The mage still held a light air about him but the underlying tone was heavy, something she wasn't used to when she spoke to him and she didn't like it. She gave him a look that told him she wasn't amused. "Don't get you're knickers in a twist… or please do and let me know how that goes, but you're about to meet him."

She turned her head and she heard him whisper a reminder that he just wanted to prepare her. That was when she saw him. Kristoff… only it wasn't. Her mouth opened and closed, moving like a gaping fish. The light behind his eyes wasn't human nor was the pale hue they had taken. Clumps of hair were missing and the spots underneath his eyes were starting to sag. "Is it a demon?" She was sure that Anders was going to laugh at her.

"I am Justice," Kristoff told her, but his voice was different. It didn't belong to his body. It didn't fit her memories. "I am no demon. You are Cecilia Cousland. Kristoff's memories of you hold much curiosity."

Lia felt herself flinch as Anders gripped onto her arms. She had never seen anything like him. She had faced darkspawn before but the sight in front of her made her stomach lurch. Kristoff was dead and this thing was there in his place. It hardly seemed right. She looked at Anders and frowned. "I'm sorry," was all he said.

She spun on her heels and ran.

* * *

><p>When word reached him that Lia was back, Alistair moved quickly from his desk. Her return could only mean one thing, right? Maker help him if it was otherwise. He had barely reached the exit of the building when she came flying into his arms. One hand went to the back of her head, fingers tangling into her hair and the other rested at the small of her back. "I am happy to see you too," he said with a light laugh, but when he pulled back to look at her, his eyebrows furrowed at the sight of her dismay. "What's wrong?"<p>

"How can you let that…thing be here?" She asked as she pulled away from him. He already missed her in his arms.

"I don't know how the spirit inhabited Kristoff, but it isn't him," Alistair replied. "I can't let him roam around until we know how to work with what happened." Lia watched him, perhaps to see if he was lying. There was more, but that would come later.

"If it's your judgment, I won't question it." But she wanted to. The thought made him smile as he brushed his fingertips against her cheek. Knots tied in his stomach as he wondered whether the Maker was cruel enough to have her appear just to say another goodbye. His eyebrows furrowed together and he wanted to kiss her. Such urges hadn't hit him since Evie. He hadn't thought of the Hero for a long time.

"I didn't think you were coming back," he said quietly. He looked down for a brief moment and when he looked upon her face again, he watched her smile. Her eyes glittered with tears but she blinked them back stubbornly. Her round cheeks flushed and he grinned.

"My brother didn't have much of a choice," she told him. He could imagine. "Maker help the poor sod, but he loves me and happens to listen every so often." She brought up a hand and rubbed at her temples. "I don't know where to begin."

"I do," he interjected, "are you to be married?"

She smiled again as she shook her head. Some red strands of hair fell in her face. "No," she replied. It was the sweetest 'no' he had ever heard. That was all he needed. He pulled her closer again and kissed her. His lips melded against hers, so soft and sweet, he wanted more. Both of her hands cupped the sides of his face. His eyes fluttered open for a second and just that, but it was enough to see how tightly her eyes were squeezed shut.

When she pulled back, her chest heaved against his. "I've missed you," he told her. More than he expected, but those words didn't dare leave his lips.

"Just how much?" Her voice was sultry and awoke an ache in him as his groin tightened. He had duties, tasks to perform that day, but they could be forgotten. They would be forgotten. He remembered a time where moments like this had frightened him. He'd be lying if he called his movements natural, but he was learning.

Alistair pulled her into his office and shut the door behind him with his leg. Their mouths met in a furious bout of passion, heat exploding between them and he decided that there was no turning back. Not that he wanted to, of course. He listened to her giggle lightly which made him smile. Her worries from earlier were all gone. Good. His fingers tangled into her hair as they bumped into his desk. He lifted her slightly and sat her on top of the piece of furniture as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

Her hands tugged at his shirt and the fabric ripped slightly as he shrugged it off. The tips of her fingers traced various scars on his chest. Alistair began to feel self conscious until a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "So many," she said and when she looked up, he watched her eyebrows furrow together.

He didn't know what to say but he was willing to bet that she had none. When he pulled her shirt over her head, he gasped slightly seeing that he was wrong. His thumb stroked over the puckered area of flesh. "How?"

"Running from home," she replied, "when Howe's men attacked. I barely survived. I met a mage while running through the woods. Jowan was his name. He healed me and gave me money to make for West Hill."

He didn't have the heart to tell her what happened to the apostate. It didn't take a genius to know that she didn't want to talk anymore. His tongue ran over his lower lip as he took in the rest of her, feeling himself harden as he leaned in and kissed her neck. Her hands gripped at his shoulders as his lips trailed down her chest where he lightly kissed her scar. She shivered underneath his touch as he leaned her back, taking a breast into his mouth.

A soft moan escaped her and he bit lightly. She cried out his name in surprise causing him to laugh in turn before he pressed a finger against her lips. "People will hear," he chided softly, lips moving against her skin. Lia looped her fingers into his pants.

"Let them."

She gripped lightly onto his member and her thumb stroked the tip. His hips jerked slightly and it was his turn to moan. He had thought about this moment during her absence and it was better than he could have ever imagined. Her nails grazed his length and it was more than he could bear. Admittedly, the tension between them had been building since their moment in the Deep Roads. He had wanted to deny it then because his walls denied anyone access, but somehow she had breeched them.

He supposed that he should thank her and indeed he would. Alistair leaned Lia back and pulled off her skin tight pants with little ease. She wiggled her hips slightly to help him and he tossed them over his shoulder. Lia held onto the edge of the desk as his tongue trailed down to her sweetest spot. He pushed her legs open wider with the palm of his hand and his tongue licked her wetness. His thumb brushed lightly over her most sensitive spot and her body shook as he coaxed her closer to her climax.

His eyes flickered up to look at her. Her face was flushed, almost matching the color of her red hair. Her eyes were closed and she bit down on her lower lip. Not yet. He wanted this to last. A groan left her when he pulled back and her eyes snapped open. Lia sat up quickly and a growl escaped her as he found himself in a position against the wall. He opened his mouth to ask what she was doing but stopped as he felt her take him into her mouth.

Her fingers dug into his thighs as he moved deep into her mouth. The movement of her tongue caused his back to arch. His hands closed into fists as they hit the wall behind him. "Oh Maker…. Lia," he groaned. She pulled back with a sucking pop and looked up at him.

"My my, Commander, I didn't know how sensitive you were," she teased. He grabbed her hips and lifted her up to slide inside of her. She threw her head back as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Fuck," she moaned before she buried her face into the nape of his neck. He turned them around and pinned her against the wall as his thrusts found a rhythm best for the both of them. She tightened around him and raked her nails against his skin.

She bumped against a bookcase and held onto it causing the wooden thing to bang against the wall. A few books fell in the clamor, slamming onto the ground. If no one heard them before, Alistair was sure that they did now. The look on her face made everything worth it. She was happy, truly happy, and it made the same feelings coarse through him to know that he had been the cause of it. He didn't give himself to anyone lightly and hoped that she was the same.

Her chest heaved against him and he could almost feel her heartbeat. The way she felt had sent him into a frenzy. Her softness had surprised him. She wasn't hardened by battle but she was tough and had been through much. They both had. It had been too long since he had been able to share a moment with someone. The last time had been with Evie and he didn't want this to end up the same way. He looked at Lia and she must have seen the fear in his eyes by the concern that flashed across her features.

He tried to muster up a smile to not kill the mood. He was thinking too much. Maker's ass he was a fool. She flexed around him again and all thoughts were wiped away. She kissed him lightly and his chest tightened. It was too soon to feel that way. It scared him.

But it was a nice kind of fear.

Lia matched every hip thrust and sped up their pace until they both were spent. He rested inside of her as her body relaxed. She probably would have fallen if he hadn't kept her up. His lips brushed against her nipples and she grinned. Her fingers laced through his hair and her nails grazed his scalp.

"You're beautiful," she told him.

He raised an eyebrow at him. "Isn't that my line?"

She touched the side of his face and laughed. "I'm yours, you know that, right?" He did. He felt his throat tighten with emotion and he was unable to speak so he just nodded. She smiled at him. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"If you two are done, Varel would like to see you, Alistair." Nathaniel had sounded so awkward and Alistair almost laughed. When he heard a familiar 'heh heh heh' after, he couldn't hold it in and Lia laughed with him.

"You know we won't hear the end of this," he told her.

She kissed the tip of his nose. "I hope not."


	15. Prayers and Proclamations

**A/N:** _I honestly should be in trouble for the amount of time that has gone by since I last updated. I went through a lost muse phase but hopefully I've gotten it back. Thank you to those who have still stuck with me! I hope you're still out there. xD Again, always a thank you to Saga for being my beta. xoxo_

"Almost Alright"

_And the heart is hard to translate_

_It has a language of its own_

_It talks in tongues and quiet sighs_

_And prayers and proclamations_

_In the grand days of great men and the smallest of gestures_

-"All This and Heaven Too" by Florence and the Machine

Alistair hurried to the main hall to find Varel waiting for him. He gave the older man a questioning look before he followed him into Vigil's Keep's throne room. "What's going on?" he asked. He stopped short before he could think of anything else to say as he spied the back of a very familiar head. His eyebrows furrowed together as the first noble he ever knew turned to face him. "Eamon," he greeted him. He felt his body stiffen at the sight of the old man and was glad that Lia had not been right behind him when he entered the hall.

The man just smiled at him as his arms extended outwards in a greeting. "Alistair!" It was as if he was greeting an old friend. Maker help him but the feeling wasn't mutual, not anymore.

The Warden-Commander frowned. He had made it clear a long time ago that he didn't want to speak to him, not since being sent away, not since Redcliffe, and not since Eamon had pushed so hard for him to become King. "What are you doing here?"

"Word was sent for me to come, Alistair. The nobles in your arling-" He felt himself twitch at Eamon's words. His responsibilities as a noble were ones that he had never wanted. He was sure that he had made that clear enough at most times despite his Seneschal's attempts to transition him into the role.

"It's not my arling."

He could already see the frustration growing on the Arl's features. "Fine then, the nobles in the Wardens' arling don't think-"

"I don't care what they bloody well think." Alistair's jaw set, challenging the older man in front of him. He had looked up to Eamon for so long but it had been Evelyn that had pointed out what he had done for the _love_ of his Arlessa... much good it did him with the bitch trailing Teagan everywhere he went. He brought up a hand and rubbed at his temples. He didn't want to be dealing with him. He just wanted to bring Lia to a proper bed and…

"You need to think of the alliances you are forming here, Alistair," Eamon snapped at him. The Warden-Commander's eyebrows furrowed farther together. The alliances he was building? He played nice for the sake of his wardens, but he had no idea that he was making alliances. "The relations that you've been having aren't proper. If you would have just taken the offer that Evelyn was going to give to you and Anora-"

In a flash of anger, Alistair found himself closing the space between the two of them. "I wouldn't continue, Eamon," he growled. Evie would have never. She loved him. She knew what he wanted. The older man held up his hands in defense. Alistair took a step back and sighed. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "It's good to see you." Liar. "I just wasn't expecting you."

"From what I heard, clearly."

Alistair did his best not to blush, but he knew Eamon wasn't looking at him anymore. He followed his gaze to see Lia standing there, face as crimson as her hair. This was not how he had pictured things going. There would be a day that he didn't have to answer to anyone anymore, he was sure of it.

"And what is wrong with the alliances he is forming now?" She asked. Her jaw set as she took a step forward, fists clenched at her side. "What I seem to remember of my own family, Eamon, is that my father was one of the most influential men in Ferelden. Am I wrong?"

"No, but-"

"But he could have been king and yet he knew that a Theirin was needed on the throne. Is Anora not a Theirin?" One eyebrow shot up as she questioned him. "By marriage or birth, it makes no difference. We all know she's been running Ferelden since she and Cailan married."

"That does not-"

"Oh," she said with a laugh, "I think it does matter. It is my brother who protects your lands as the only Teyrn in Ferelden. If you'd like to name a greater ally, beyond the Queen herself, please. Tell me."

Alistair laughed a little. He raised a hand to cover it up but he knew he was failing miserably. "And this is how you feel?" Eamon asked him.

He shrugged one shoulder. "I couldn't have said it better myself." Maker help him, Eamon had more to say.

* * *

><p>"Amaranthine!" She yelled. "Darkspawn have taken the city!"<p>

"Nonsense!" Eamon argued. "They've all been eradicated." Alistair slapped a hand against his own forehead. He didn't have time to explain everything to him. Seph was ready to do all the arguing for her Commander but he just held up a hand. It was something that he had to do.

"Eamon, please, go back to Redcliffe. We'll speak when all of this is over, I promise." The Warden-Commander hoped that the older man would agree, but what he said next was something he hadn't expected.

"I'm no longer the Arl of Redcliffe, my boy," he said. "That was the other news I wished to tell you. I will be in Denerim as the Queen's Chancellor." Alistair opened his mouth to demand some sort of further explanation but Eamon would have none of it. He would be on his way with whatever nobles that were waiting within the Keep. He turned to look at Lia and the red head just nodded to him with an encouraging look. That was all he needed.

No other words needed to be exchanged as the Wardens were called to arms. Armor was donned and weapons were drawn. Alistair met his closest comrades in the courtyard. He wouldn't be taking all with him, knowing that no matter what, Vigil's Keep needed to be defended. He met his Wardens in the courtyard. The numbers were fewer than he would have liked, but it couldn't be help. They all knew they had a duty to perform and this was it. Among the crowd were those he was closest to; Seph, Jax, Anders, Nathaniel, Sigrun, Oghren, Justice in Kristoff's body, Fiona…but most of all Lia.

"My friends," the Commander began, "it has always been the duty of a Grey Warden to send the darkspawn back to the Deep Roads. We've seen all they can do. We know better than anyone else. They don't have an Archdemon leading them, but something more." Alistair shook his head. "I'm not sure whether or not that makes them more dangerous. I won't lie to you; we'll trek into the unknown…" They all looked like he didn't need to explain any further. "I will send a team to the city, some of you will stay to defend Vigil's Keep and a team will follow me to the heart of it all."

"And we will all follow willingly," Fiona said. The First Warden wouldn't just be an observer. He felt like she should be the one leading the charge. This was something that she had been working on since before he was born.

"Mother…"

Fiona looked at the Junior Wardens. "You all know your duties." They then scattered to their positions.

Lia almost left with them but Alistair caught her hand. "Where would you like me?" She asked, her voice barely audible. The look on her face was conflicted but soft. He knew that he wanted her close but he couldn't ask her to follow him.

"Where would you like to be?" His tone matched hers.

A small, sad smile spread across her features. "With you."

* * *

><p>She wanted to kiss him right then and there. It seemed as if the Maker was testing them. They were finally able to be together and now they were under attack. It was cruel. <em>With you.<em> It was then that she realized that she loved him. The fear of losing him wasn't something that she wanted to face. "So be it." He still didn't let go of her hand.

Lia nodded. "So be it."

"I'll lead the party to Amaranthine," Seph volunteered.

Jax laughed softly beside her. "Where she goes, I go, Commander."

"Your ass isn't leaving me behind," Oghren said to Alistair. Lia looked at the dwarf and put a hand over her mouth to cover her growing smile.

"A mage needs to stay behind," Anders commented, "seems like it's me. Good! I don't want to go into the Deep Roads and it'll be my luck that Ser Pounce and I will spend the night in bed." Lia saw the tabby cat poke his head from where he stayed in Anders's robes. She reached out and scratched between his ears.

"Take care of him, Pounce."

"_Is he for me?"_

"_It's a gift," she told him._

_Anders's eyes widened. "I've never had one before."_

"_A cat? They're easy."Lia's head tilted to the side in amusement. They had plenty of cats in Castle Cousland but her preference had always been her mabari._

"_A gift."_

"Anders, you don't have to stay," Lia broke from her memory and couldn't help but protest. She didn't like the idea of leaving her friend behind just because Fiona would be accompanying them in the trek to defeat the Architect. The mage just winked at her. Nothing else needed to be said.

She looked around to see Seph and Jax whispering to each other, sharing a moment before they would leave with Nathaniel to work with the city guard in purging the city of darkspawn. Lia was able to say goodbye to her oldest friend, no longer enemies for something his father had doen. The dark haired rogue wrapped his arms around her in a soft hug. She leaned against him and didn't feel the comfort that was intended, but the gesture was appreciated. "We'll see each other again," he whispered.

"We'd better," she told him before moving to the Warden-Commander's side. She noted his anxiety but didn't comment. She watched him smile at their little dwarven friend and she knew it was genuine.

"I'm counting on you," he said lightly, holding back emotion that didn't need to be displayed. At least not now.

"Don't worry," Sigrun said to Alistair. "I'll hold down the fort, Commander."

And with that, the parties went their separate ways.

* * *

><p>They had barely gotten a mile away from Vigil's Keep when a familiar figure crossed their path. Lia moved close to Alistair when she realized who, or rather <em>what<em> it was. "There's no need," he said quietly as he made a motion for her to stay her hand. "Messenger?"

The darkspawn nodded. "You're going the wrong way," it hissed at him. "The Mother, she is sending my brothers as we speak. She will tear down the walls." Lia felt a pang of worry. She wanted to go back. She wanted to stay and fight. She didn't… Fiona placed a hand on her shoulder and she felt a soothing pulse race against her skin.

"They're well-trained Wardens. They will survive," she assured them all. The redhead turned to Alistair and was unable to see his face. Did he believe it as well? His body language didn't give any hints.

"Then take me to the Mother," Alistair said.

"Alistair, I thought we were going after the Architect," The First Warden protested. He shot his mother a look that told them all that he had made up his mind. "I could order you-"

"We both know you won't," he interrupted her. "We find the Mother, we'll find the Architect. I can feel it."

"Commander is not wrong," the Messenger said.

"Wrong or not, we're not doing much good standing around," Lia reminded them. While she received a glance, she didn't think they were listening. Mother and son were at a standoff. Her jaw clenched as she watched them, her impatience evident as she looked to Oghren for a little help but the dwarf offered none.

"How can you trust it?" Fiona demanded. "I know you think this…_thing _is Duncan but he's not. Duncan was my friend. No one knew him better and that is not him."

"How did he know?" Alistair yelled back at her. "How did he know about…" The anger in his voice fell and Lia could see that he lost himself in a memory. She moved to him and placed her hands gently on his arms. He jumped slightly but realized that it was just her with him. "He knew about what happened to me, at the Chantry before he rescued me," he whispered to Lia.

"Oh son…" Fiona whispered, her broken heart in her voice. "I'm so sorry."

"That's not you anymore," she told him, "and we're here. Alistair, you must make a decision. We have to go or what the others will face will just be in vain." She looked at the Messenger. "Is the Architect with the Mother?" She asked.

The darkspawn nodded. "He wishes to kill his failure."

Lia and Alistair looked at each other and she nodded to her commander…her love. Whatever they needed to do to give him peace, they would do it. "Then that is where we will go," she said.

* * *

><p>"Impossible!" Nathaniel's voice, while soft, had sounded like a scream.<p>

"Maker help them." Seph's voice was the lowest that Jax had ever heard it. They watched as the city of Amaranthine burned. The screams of the people inside echoed around them. The guards had already taken it upon themselves to burn the city without the Wardens' decision.

"You have brought Sin to Heaven, and doom upon all the world," the mage whispered.

Nathaniel pulled an arrow out of his quiver and aimed his bow. "Aye," he agreed. "But the Maker forgot about one thing." The other two looked at him. "Us." The couple grinned at their companion.

Jax raised his staff and the air changed around them. A cold wind rose and blew through the tower of flames before the group, extinguishing them, and giving the three Wardens sight of a group of darkspawn. Seph's breathing became harsh and she let out a war cry. Nathaniel released his arrow and it made its mark in the middle of a shriek's forehead. He charged behind Seph and Jax covered their flanks. The city guard had hoped to burn Amaranthine to ashes as a way of ridding them of darkspawn and the taint, but the three would save whoever they could before it happened.

They could hear a small child crying and a woman's screams. Nate busted a window open and jumped inside the home. They had been trapped. "Jax!" The rogue called. Seph watched their backs for oncoming enemies.

Jax went to Nathaniel's side, pointed his staff at the flames and extinguishing them. The rogue leapt forward, sweeping the child up in his arms as the mage helped the mother across. "Do you know where they first came from?" Jax asked the mother.

The woman nodded. "The attack first started at the Crown and Lion," she said. Her whole body shook as she snatched her child from Nathaniel. She cradled the girl and kissed the side of her head as she wept. "My husband, where is my husband?"

"I'm sorry," was all Seph could say. "He's gone. The city gate is clear, run for safety." The woman didn't need to be told twice.

"I have to find my sister," Nate told the two. "I have to make sure she made it out."

Seph and Jax exchanged looks but they wouldn't argue. "We find her and then we clear out the Crown and Lion."

* * *

><p>Anders tucked Pounce away in a chest. He watched the cat meow at him. "Don't worry, I'm leaving the lid cracked. I'm not cruel," he told him. "This is the best way to keep you safe. Just in case." He pet the tabby and a sad smile spread across his features. "I'm so sorry."<p>

He moved away from the chest to leave the bunk when he ran into Justice. "Are you ready, Anders?" He asked.

The mage watched him and shook his head. "It's too early, Justice," he told him. "They'll know." He hadn't even been able to give those he loved the most a proper goodbye. He swallowed hard as he ran a hand through his hair and readjusted his hair tie. "After the attack."

"You expect there to be a darkspawn attack?"

"As much as I expect a Templar to find me in the middle of the night," he muttered under his breath as he walked past him to the battlements where Sigrun was waiting for them. The dwarf could barely see over the wall but she didn't let that stop her.

"About time you two showed," she asked. "This side is quiet."

"What about the Deep Roads' entrance that the Commander had sealed?" Anders asked. "Could there be more?"

Sigrun turned to look at him. "Already have Wardens posted at possible entrances."

"And what if we need them?" The mage panicked slightly but then the rogue pointed to a group of men standing in formation with newly made silverite armor.

"We have them," she replied. "I sent the civilians into the throne room; they'll be better protected there if we fail." Anders understood. It was better to save some if they couldn't save everyone.

He gripped the stone wall and closed his eyes. He could feel a slight tug at his senses and whispering in his ears. His eyebrows furrowed together as his eyes opened again. "I don't think we're going to have to wait long."


	16. Things We Lost

**A/N: **_There's seriously no excuse for it being over a year but here's an update. Lots and lots have happened. I even moved to GERMANY lol. So here's an update, I hope it's to your liking. Thank you to Saga for being the best beta a girl could have! Thank you to my friend Ellie who motivated me back into writing this. There are only two more chapters left before this part of the story is wrapped up. There is going to be a sequel called "Almost Gone." That one is going to be focusing on Carver Hawke with the characters from this story included and a few new ones. Thanks for reading/reviewing/etc. xoxo_

* * *

><p>"Almost Alright"<p>

_Things we lost to the flames  
>Things we'll never see again<br>All that we've amassed  
>Sits before us, shattered into ash<br>These are the things, the things we lost  
>The things we lost in the fire fire fire<em>

_-"Things We Lost In The Fire" by Bastille_

Cries echoed through the chasm. Fiona held Utha in her arms as she closed the dwarf's eyes and whispered prayers. "May you return to your ancestors," Alistair heard her whisper. He didn't look at his mother, just the dying darkspawn in front of him. The Messenger had taken a killing blow meant for him just as Lia returned the favor to the Architect with an arrow through the neck and one through the forehead. The Messenger didn't speak. His lips moved but nothing came out. Alistair had wanted to have closure. Was he Duncan? He supposed that didn't matter now. The Warden Commander just nodded.

"Thank you," he told him just before the darkspawn died. Lia placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. He turned his head to look at her. She looked pale and ready to fall where she stood. "Lia?" Panic began to build in his tone.

She offered him a weak smile. "Are you okay?" She asked before she winced in pain.

"What's wrong?" He asked quickly before he moved to catch her as she lost her balance. "Mother!" He heard Fiona move behind him as he set Lia gently against him so the First Warden could examine her. He saw the dark blood stains against her armor and the burn crawling down her leg. She shook in his arms. Alistair looked at Fiona in desperation. She had to heal her. She gave him a grim look and he saw the blue light emitting from her hands.

"Alistair…" Lia whispered. He looked down at her as she lifted a hand and touched the side of his face. Her fingertips brushed against his lower lip. "I love you," she told him. One hand cradled the back of her head and he leaned in to press his lips against hers.

"I love you too, damn it," he said. "You'll be okay. You have to be. Fiona's healing you. We'll finish with the Mother and we can go home," if it was still there, but that was a thought that wasn't needed in that moment. He kissed the top of her head and looked back at his mother.

"Almost there," she promised. Alistair could already see the burns disappearing. He couldn't lose her. He had lost Evelyn and his world had shattered. If he lost Lia, he might as well be gone too. He watched the color return to his Warden's cheek and he smiled at her. "She should be able to get on her feet now… We don't have much longer."

Alistair nodded and looked at his mother. "Thank you." She offered a small smile before she was back on her feet and gave them a moment. Lia moved from his arms and lowered her head. "What is it?" He asked.

"I'm sorry about Duncan."

Alistair nodded. "You know, I'm not even sure it was him," he told her, "but it was nice to hope." He stood up and helped her to her feet. "Don't scare me like that again." His lips pressed into a thin line as he stared at her. If they hadn't had a mage with them, he wasn't sure what they would have done. He wasn't sure if she would have made it out of there. He knew he meant it when he told her that he loved her. He didn't think it'd be possible for him again for the longest time but the greatest gift she had given him was helping him believe that he could.

Lia smirked at him. "Dear one, I have to keep you on your toes somehow," she said and made a motion for them to go. She had her daggers ready for whatever foul creature would pop out at them next.

"I suppose you do," he said lightly as she came to stand next to him. His placed his hand on the small of her back. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked around. Would they make it out of there? The Wardens had lost so much already. Alistair knew that he would die if he had to just to make sure that Amaranthine was safe. But there was a part of him that didn't want to die. Not when he had something to live for again.

"It's okay to worry, Ali," she tried to reassure him as if she knew what he was thinking, "my father once told me that we are bravest when we are the most frightened."

Alistair knew that they weren't far from the Mother. With each step they took, her wails only got louder. The Warden Commander knew that he would never get used to talking darkspawn. They gave him worse feelings than when he first met Morrigan in the Kocari Wilds.

* * *

><p>Nathaniel watched as his sister left with her family. The flames were dying in the city. When Delilah was out of his sight, he turned to Jax and Seph. "We should head back to the keep," he told them. The three were covered in blood and fatigue weighed down on them. He was sure that things weren't over just yet. He didn't like having to be so far from the others but they had to do what must be done, didn't they? He wiped at his forehead with the back of his hand and the three of them headed for Vigil's Keep. Nate prayed to the Maker that it was still standing.<p>

The journey back felt longer than normal. No one wanted to stop unless they had to. The lack of darkspawn didn't go unnoticed for the three Wardens. "That's a good sign," Seph offered some comfort with her words but they were lost on Nate. He knew better than to grasp onto false hope that they weren't the only Wardens left in Amaranthine.

When Vigil's Keep grew in the horizon, the rogue felt relief that his childhood home was still standing. He brought up a hand to cover his nose for a moment to help adjust to the smell. They stepped through the gates and could see the courtyard littered with corpses of Wardens and darkspawn alike.

"Andraste guide them," Jax whispered. Nathaniel turned his head to look at his companions. Seph took the mage's hand in her own as they walked and looked at the faces of friends, old and new.

Nate saw the doors to the keep had been broken down. Fear clenched his heart as he walked to close the space between him and the entrance. He could hear Seph and Jax behind him. "Anders!" He yelled. "Oghren! Sigrun! Justice!" Nothing. "Varel!" He headed straight for the throne room when he heard Seph say his name.

"Nate, stop…" He did. Not because she said so but because of the broken tone that had entered her voice. In the time that he had known her, he had never heard her sound like that. He turned to look at the couple only to see Jax holding a marred and bloody Ser Pounce-a-lot. The mage whispered as he healed the cat, cradling him close.

"Anders?" He whispered as he looked around. Seph shook her head. She didn't see him. He looked around the rubble for those familiar robes, the familiar blonde hair and that stupid earring. Just when he was sure that he had turned over every body in the area that they were in, he came across just who he had been looking for. He knelt down next to the corpse. The robes were the same that he had last seen Anders in but the face was mauled and burned.

Nate's jaw clenched as he looked down. Once Pounce was healed, he jumped from Jax's arm and came to the body that the rogue was next to. The cat bumped his head against Anders's blonde hair and Jax had come to his side to pick up the tabby again. "Come on," the mage said softly. "We should find the others."

If they were dead, Nate didn't want to.

The three of them headed to the throne room of Vigil's Keep. Pounce curled in the mage's arms as they inched closer. Each one of them dreaded to look inside. The walls had been breached but the main buildings had looked intact. Seph was the one who went to the door. Her hand spread against the dark wood and she pushed it.

"It's not moving," Jax said quietly. The warrior turned to look at the mage and frowned. He shrugged his shoulders and looked down. "Just an observation." When he looked at her again, he saw the faint smile as she nodded. Tensions were high because no one was looking forward to what waited inside.

"I'll just knock then," she said before she did just that. "Darkspawn don't knock…"

"They never talked before either," Jax replied.

"Ssh," Nathaniel quieted them. "I think I hear something."

Moments later, the door unlocked and Sigrun poked her head out. Fatigue and sadness were evident on the dwarf's face as she looked at them. "I don't think I've ever been happier to see you three," she said before opening the door wider and pulling them to her. For one with short arms, she managed to squeeze all three of them into a hug. Nate hesitated for a moment and then hugged her back.

"How many are still alive?" He asked quietly. His voice was rasp with an emotional uneasiness.

* * *

><p>No one had known what to expect when they came across the Mother but Alistair knew what was before them was not it. A gasp escaped Lia and he just stared. A blanket of determination crossed Fiona's features. This would end whether they came out of the battl alive or not.<p>

"What is that?" Lia asked.

"The Mother," Fiona replied. She looked at the two. "Are you ready?"

Alistair would've liked to say no but he just stared at the broodmother before them, blubbering about her children and the Father. He couldn't bring himself to look at Lia. She didn't know… part of him felt guilt for not telling her. Did she even want to know? Evelyn knew. Was that the reason she cast away Morrigan's offer to help? Was that the reason she was so eager to take the killing blow instead of letting him?

"I'm ready," he tried to reassure his mother but she didn't look convinced. Lia moved next to him and as their eyes met, she only nodded. The words that needed to be said between them had already been spoken.

"Now the pieces fall into place." The Mother swayed as her arms stretched out to the three Wardens. "You have slain the Father and now you've come for me."

"Maker…" Lia whispered. Fiona raised her staff as Alistair stepped in front of the two women of his life. "Alistair, be careful."

He nodded. "I don't wish to speak to it," he replied. He knew what must be done. They all knew.

Alistair charged and Lia followed. Fiona covered the two with spells before she released the pillar magic that they had come across before entering the Mother's chamber. A white light blasted from the tip of her staff and a force field sheltered the three from the firestorm that swarmed around the broodmother. The heat dissipated and the force field faded. Alistair leapt forward and bashed his shield against the Mother and Lia followed, jumping to the back and sinking her daggers just behind the Mother's neck. The darkspawn screamed and Lia dropped her feet so she would fall to the ground as her daggers dragged along its backside. Both wardens moved as Fiona used a cone of cold spell before following with stone fist.

The battle went on. They dodged what they could from the Mother. Sometimes they would be just outside of her reach and other times a tentacle would smack them back before they could get too close. Some of the children hatched around her to help the Mother but after the first wave, Fiona made sure to burn them all while keeping an ever watchful eye on her son and the warden at his side.

A tentacle from the Mother wrapped around Lia's neck and she slashed with her daggers as the First Warden came to help, her hands burning away a spot for her to break free. The putrid smell of burning darkspawn flesh ensnared her senses and for a moment she almost retched, but she regained her composure to help Alistair. Spell after spell hit the Mother and Lia used all of the moves that she had ever learned to keep the tentacles busy as Alistair focused on the main attacks. Lia could start to feel the wear on her. There was a moment where she thought that that they might fail.

The Mother slashed at the Warden Commander. A claw ran along the side of his face and to his credit, he did not cry out in pain. His only response was to shove his sword deep into the Mother's chest. She howled in pain and lightning crawled from Fiona's arms, down to her hands and channeled through her staff to focus connecting the lightning with Alistair's sword and the electricity seeped into the Mother. With a running start, Lia flew towards the broodmother and bore her daggers into the neck before tearing the flesh open. The Mother howled and when Lia jumped back, they watched as the wretched thing died.

No one moved until they were sure that the Mother had taken her last breath. Lia turned towards Alistair and she ripped off some of her shirt from underneath her armor and wiped some of the blood away from his face.

"It's going to scar," she said gently. He gave her a grim smile.

"Let it." He looked at Fiona. "Are you alright, mother?"

The elf looked at him and nodded slowly. "I will be."

* * *

><p>It took days to clear through the dead. Nathaniel frowned as he looked upon the newly made graveyard of Vigil's Keep. Varel moved next to him. His arm was in a sling and he looked worse for wear but he had declined any healing from Jax. He said that there were other's far worse off that needed his help. Anders was dead. Justice or Kristoff, whichever you wanted to call him, was dead. Oghren had been badly injured and most of the men would have died as well if it hadn't been for the armor upgrades Alistair had enforced during their months there.<p>

"Any news on Alistair? Lia? Or the First Warden?" Nate asked. Varel shook his head and the rogue knew that he should have expected as much. The darkspawn had retreated back into the Deep Roads. There hadn't been a sighting in days. Nathaniel's jaw clenched a bit and he looked at the two mabaris left behind by their masters but who had survived the onslaught on the Keep. Did they know what happened to their masters?

There had already been talk about a new Warden Commander and writing to Weisshaupt. Nathaniel had volunteered but he wasn't eager to pick up the parchment and ink. He walked through the courtyard, looking for Seph and Jax who were taking care of the last of the merchants when the mabaris, Barker and Nike, shot forward and ran past him towards the gate. Nathaniel looked up to see the First Warden, Alistair and Lia coming in. The red head fell to her knees and she threw her arms around Nike. The Warden Commander petted Barker between his ears.

"You're alive!" Nate exclaimed. "Maker's breath what happened?"

Lia looked up at him and there was a certain shade of sadness in her eyes. They weren't the same ones he had known from long ago. He understood what wasn't spoken. They had seen things that they would never forget. He offered her a small smile and a hand to help her back to her feet. Nate offered to take Fiona's weight from bearing down on Alistair.

"Thank you," she said. "If you don't mind, I'd rather like to rest."

"Yes, my lady," he replied and led her towards the quarters.

Minutes later, Seph and Jax came to check on them. Lia knew it was due to Nathaniel's request. "It's good to see the Keep still standing," Alistair said to them. "And Amaranthine?" As much as he didn't want the responsibility, he had cared about the land that had become his own.

"Defended," Seph replied. "It stands and the people have a greater appreciation for us now." She offered a small smile before it faded quickly.

"What is it?" Alistair asked.

"We lost a good amount of people," Jax replied. "I managed to save those we found locked in the Keep who were injured but Ser…"

Lia felt a tightening in her chest and her eyes watered. She listened as Alistair asked about Oghren and Sigrun. What of Justice? She closed her eyes as she heard his fate. She opened them back up again when the Warden Commander asked of Anders. Jax looked at Lia and she knew. She knew her friend had died. Lia wiped at her eyes but no tears would be shed until she was alone to mourn for him.

"His body?" She asked. She hadn't known what to expect. Since Howe had been dispatched, she had naïvely assumed that the good ones would live. She had believed that they would persevere despite the death toll among the wardens through history. She remembered that she had chosen this life. She wouldn't go back even if she could. Lia looked to Alistair. She had found a man that she loved who loved her in return.

War had stained their lives and the very ground that they walked on. If they were lucky, there would be a time where they could take a breather. There was no Blight. There was no Architect and there was no Mother.

Seph extended a hand out to her and she took it. "I'll show you," her best friend told her as the two left their men behind.

Alistair clapped Jax on the shoulder. "You did good," he told him.

"What happened with the Architect? The Mother?" The mage asked.

"Dead," he replied, "and if the Maker truly blesses us then we won't hear from the darkspawn for some time." He looked around and he knew what they had to do. "For now… we rebuild."


	17. A New Beginning

**A/N: **_Sorry this took so long! Thank you for all the reviews and thank you to Saga for betaing. Next chapter is the final chapter before I start the sequel._

* * *

><p>"Almost Alright"<p>

_People help the people__  
><em>_Nothing will drag you down_

"_People Help the People" by Birdy_

Weeks passed and the Wardens moved from mourning to celebrating. Lia watched as Alistair stood before Seph and Jax underneath the wooden arch made from oak branches and Fereldan roses. Sigrun and Lia had recruited Nathaniel to help them make it for the wedding. The redhead smiled as Alistair bound their hands with a blue ribbon. It was probably the first time that Lia had seen her best friend out of her usual warrior armor and in a dress for that matter. Instead of her house colors, she wore the colors of the Wardens. The blue and silver made her hair seem even brighter. The Ridgeways didn't attend in protest to the wedding. A noble's daughter didn't marry a mage. It wasn't legal under Chantry law but Alistair decided that the Wardens didn't fall under the Chantry's jurisdiction.

Lia had been the one that walked down the aisle with the other redhead to give her away to Jax. It was a beautiful ceremony and even Sigrun was crying by the end. "You may now kiss the bride," Alistair announced and Jax took his wife in his arms to give her one hell of a kiss. The remaining Wardens cheered for their brother and sister in arms. After grief, pain, and loss, happiness was deserved. Only those who lived in Vigil's Keep were in attendance. It was a small wedding but it was perfect just to see the happiness on the two of their faces.

Varel had made the arrangements for the two to have a proper honeymoon in a villa in Highever. It was owned by the Couslands- well, it was owned by her brother, and with his own pending wedding he felt more than accommodating. They'd be gone for two weeks but it was a well-deserved vacation. When the bride and groom walked by to head for their horses, Lia was surprised that Seph broke away from Jax and gave her a hug. She hugged the woman back tightly and closed her eyes.

"You deserve your happiness," Lia told her. "Now go before another Blight happens." She grinned as Seph pulled away and waved goodbye as Jax helped her to her horse. She turned her head to look at Alistair as he came to stand next to her. "It almost doesn't seem right," she said.

"What, my dear?" He asked as he wrapped an arm around her waist.

"That her family wouldn't come," she replied. "They supported her decision to become a Warden but they couldn't support who she fell in love with. Why? Because he's a mage? Because he was an apostate before being recruited?" Lia wrinkled her nose. "But on the other hand, it's exactly how it's supposed to be. She has a new family that accepts the path that she chooses."

Alistair lifted a hand and touched the side of her face gently. "Is that you knowing how she feels or you projecting your feelings onto her situation?"

Her whole journey with the Grey Wardens had started with her running away from her duty as a Cousland, by running away from an arranged marriage and what her brother wanted for their family as they rebuilt what they had lost after Howe's betrayal. Fergus had seemed alright when she last left Highever but there was still a deep feeling of unresolved problems between the two of them. She wondered if he followed her suggestion. There were no rumors confirming it and if it was not Anora that he sought, she hoped that it was someone that he could truly be happy with. Lia also hoped that her brother could wish the same for her.

"I should talk to Fergus, shouldn't I?"

A small laugh escaped him. "Yes, you should," he agreed. "He may have had an understanding before when you last went to Highever but don't shut him out. Invite him to visit the keep. It is his domain after all."

Lia gave Alistair an amused look. "Shouldn't the invitation be yours?" She asked. "Warden Commander?"

He pulled her closer against him. "I suppose so." She pulled back from him and his head tilted down to make up for the height difference between the two of them. "I think it should be my turn to speak to him about us. He's your brother and it's important to you. Whatever circumstances throw at us, we can work around it." She raised an eyebrow at him. "I lost someone I loved before… I barely endured it but I know if I lost you, I couldn't bear it."

* * *

><p>The raven was sent for Fergus to come to Vigil's Keep. He used the official seal of the Warden-Commander but the letter was written as a man who was in love. He smiled a bit as he made his way back to his office. The castle was quiet. It was well-deserved after the losses that they had had to endure. His scouts told him that the Deep Roads were clearer than they had been in a very long time. Part of him found that reassuring, part of him found it terrifying.<p>

He closed the door to his office behind him and took a seat at the desk. A heavy feeling weighed over him. If the Maker had thought to see things differently for his life, the Hero of Ferelden would've sat there in his place. Such as they are, things never went the way one hoped. But in his own personal darkness he had found the light that he needed to guide him back. As he thought of Lia, he thought of the time that he had with her. Everything had been so rushed with Evelyn because they were pressed for time and he had only lost her in the end. His first instinct with Lia was to take it just as fast once he knew he wanted to be with her but that was only due to his position.

His mother was First Warden and there was a conflict of interest, he was sure. He brought up a hand and pinched the bridge of his nose as he felt the tension starting to form in the middle of his forehead.

If he was honest with himself, he never had the chance to enjoy what life could be. From living with the hounds, to the Chantry and under Duncan's wing, there had always been something that kept him from doing what he wanted. Not that he would change the things in his life. But would it be so bad to actually settle down while things were quiet?

Leadership was never his forte. He was the senior Warden between himself and Evelyn when the Blight started but he had deferred his leadership to her. And now he found himself doing the very same. He knew the perfect candidate and knew that she would accept. Seph would be a better leader than he ever was.

There was a soft knock at the door and as much as he hoped it was Lia, he was relieved to see it was Fiona. The First Warden moved some hair out of her eyes as she moved closer to him. "May I come in?"

"You're already in, mother."

She smiled just before a light laugh escaped her. "You remind me so much of your father," she said. There was a familiar twinge of pain in his chest that always occurred when the great Maric Theirin was mentioned.

"I'm sorry I didn't get to know him," he replied softly.

When Fiona was close enough, she placed a hand on his desk as if she were bracing herself as she talked about her former lover. "He would have been proud of you, I am sure," she told him. "But I did not come here to speak of the dead."

Alistair nodded. "Weisshaupt needs you."

The sullen look on his mother's face told him that she did not want to go. "More than Weisshaupt," she told him, "there are things happening that I must see through." He sat up, concerned about the subtext in her words. His eyebrows furrowed slightly and the elf let out a small laugh as she made her way to his side. She leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on the top of his head. "I hope that wasn't uncalled for."

He let out an awkward cough as he shook his head 'no' while she pulled back. He had grown up wondering what it would be like to have a mother, a father… someone who loved him as a parent loves a child and now he knew. Seph and Lia had been right. It truly was better late than never. "Whatever is your concern, mother, let me help you."

"I appreciate the offer, sweet boy, but I imagine you have more ahead of you than I," the mage said. "Don't make a fuss of me taking my leave. I'd rather do it quietly before the other Wardens expect my return in Weisshaupt."

"I understand."

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

Alistair looked at Fiona, confused for a moment. "For what?"

"I should've come to you sooner," she told him. "After the life that you had to go through… I didn't think I could offer you better."

His time at the Chantry had left scars but they were scars that faded with time. He thought of the entries he read from Duncan's journal as he kept an eye on him. He didn't want to relive his time as a Templar. Well, he was barely one, but it was close enough. "It isn't your fault." It was the truth but it was also only a little comfort that he gave her.

"I will write. I promise."

Alistair watched her go. He knew she would write but he had the feeling that he should've gone with her.

* * *

><p><em>Two weeks later…<em>

"I can't believe you're stepping down," Lia said as she looked over the letters that had come in by courier that day.

Alistair broke the wax seal that had the Warden's symbol pressed in. "What?" He asked before he gave her a teasing look. "Does this romance lose its flare without fraternization?"

The tip of Lia's tongue poked out the corner of her lips as she looked like she was thinking. "Well, you know," she said as a light laugh escaped her. "You being in command did hold a certain thrilling aspect."

He placed a hand over his heart. "Oh my dear lady, you wound me." Lia couldn't help but laugh. "You can still call me Commander in private." He winked at her just before she threw some of the pieces of parchment at him.

"You wish."

It was true. He looked down at the letter in his hands and read it. The handwriting was sloppy as if whoever wrote it was in a hurry. It was signed Warden-Commander Stroud of the Free Marches. He had heard of the man before and he was asking for recruitment help? The Wardens there weren't in a position to train and so they needed the infamous Alistair to bolster their resolve to make the voyage across the Waking Sea to Ferelden. Lovely.

"It seems," he said slowly, "that being THAT Alistair from the Blight will never escape me. These people need a new story."

Lia gave him an amused look. "Or another Blight."

"Maker forbid."

The redhead stood from her spot and headed toward him before she took the letter from his hand. "They're too busy to train recruits? And he doesn't say why?" Her eyebrows furrowed slightly and Alistair could see the train of thought going on inside her head only because he shared the same opinion.

"We've gotten reports that there's been increasing darkspawn activity in that area," he offered.

She shook her head. "So they leave Ferelden for the Free Marches? For what?" Alistair wished he could say. "Have you spoken to Fiona about this?"

A soft sigh escaped him. He couldn't wait to step down from his position. "She hasn't responded to my letters," he told her. "I imagine Weisshaupt is keeping her busy." Lia felt that there was more to the story and it was a sentiment that they both shared.

"Could this be…"

Alistair turned toward her. "A trap?" He asked. "I'm not sure, but the thought did cross my mind. It wouldn't be the first time in our history that a Warden had his own agenda but Stroud is respected in the Free Marches and we should help… even if it is to see what's really going on over there."

Lia placed a hand on his arm and her other against his chest. Her fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt and he could see the concern on her face. "Well it's a good thing that I'll be coming with you," she said. He hadn't expected anything else.

"We'll wait for Seph and Jax to return. I'll send a letter ahead so that they can expect us," he said. Alistair sucked in a deep breath. "And here I was hoping for a quiet retirement." Lia smirked at him.

"You?" She asked. "Never." He lifted a hand and cupped her chin so that he could tilt her head up toward his.

"We'll take Oghren and Nathaniel. A small party would appease the Warden-Commander and leave enough people here." He caught her lips with his own. "Something tells me there's more going on than Stroud is letting on. Wardens do love their secrets, even if it is from each other. If something happens…"

Lia shook her head and pressed a finger against his lips to silence him. "Don't you dare."

He couldn't help but smile. He opened his mouth to say something but a horn was blown, signaling an arrival to the keep. It was time that the newlyweds returned from their honeymoon.

He took his love's hand in his and led her toward the main gate so they could greet their friends.

When the warrior and mage had come into view it was good to see them look so happy. It was well-deserved. Lia rushed to her best friend's side and Alistair greeted Jax, clipping the other man on his shoulder in a greeting before he pulled him into a hug. "Do I even have to ask if you had a good time?" He asked. Jax laughed a bit and nudged him away.

"So what did we miss?" Seph made her way towards the pair of them with Lia trailing after her.

"We just got back, love, and you're jumping right into business? Was the honeymoon that boring?" Jax teased as he raised an eyebrow at her. The warrior gave her husband a sheepish look.

"There is something," Alistair said, "but I prefer it asked in private. For now, get settled back in and we'll talk later." Lia took his hand again and they left the other couple to get back to their quarters.

The sun had started to set when Seph and Jax found them. Alistair made a motion for both of them to sit. "Why do I feel like we're in trouble?" Seph asked. "What happened?"

"I'm sure nothing happened," Jax countered before looking between Alistair and Lia. "Right? No new talking darkspawn, I hope?"

Alistair couldn't help but smile. "No," he told them. "I have something to ask of you." His eyes set on Seph. "Especially you, and it is not something that I ask lightly." He swallowed hard and his breath caught in his throat. It was a lot to ask of a person and he would understand if she declined. "I'm stepping down as Warden-Commander of Ferelden. I have the choice to name my successor or have Weisshaupt appoint one."

"What?" Jax asked as he readjusted his body in the chair he was sitting in. "You can't…"

"Business would draw us from here for some time and I can't govern an arling that way. I would ask you, Seph, to take my position as Warden-Commander. The men respect you and the nobles have more leniency toward one of their own rather than their old king's bastard."

"Is that what this is about?" Seph asked. "Who gives a shit what they say?"

Lia smiled a bit as she crossed her arms in front of her. "He was a senior Warden in the Blight and lifted into a position that he wasn't prepared for," she started and Alistair held up a hand to stop her.

"Thanks for that, love, but I'm sure they get the picture," he said, laughing slightly before he turned back to Seph. "You're under no obligation to say yes."

The warrior looked to her husband and the two seemed to share a wordless moment that was filled with an understanding that only love could bring between two people. "I say yes," Seph said. "Alistair, I'd do anything for you, my friend. I'd do anything for the Wardens. You're my family. I could only hope to be as good of a leader as you were to us."

"Helps that she has me to keep her levelheaded," Jax added with a sly grin.

"I couldn't have asked for better friends and the Wardens couldn't have asked for a better leader here," Alistair assured her.

"So what's this business that you have to attend to?" Seph asked.

"We're going to the Free Marches. The Warden-Commander has asked for recruitment help so that we can bring them here but we suspect that there may be something more going on in their Deep Roads. We'll find out."

Alistair nodded. "We'll hold the ceremony for your new position and then the two of us along with Nathaniel and Oghren will take a ship to Kirkwall."

"Kirkwall?" Jax asked quietly. "Alistair, I must warn you before you go… the Veil is very thin in Kirkwall. I would've offered my services as well but I was once a mage in their Circle. Knight-Commander Meredith is a force to be reckoned with. She will not be pleased to have Wardens in her city even if it's for a short while."

"I didn't know you were a mage there," Alistair said and he could tell by the way Seph took her husband's hand that it was not a memory that he wanted to relive.

Jax nodded slowly. "It's far better for you to be aware and stay as far from the Gallows as you can." He brought up a hand and rubbed the back of his next. "I have a friend in Lowtown that may be able to give you supplies before you meet this Stroud character. I'll see what I can do."

"Jax, if this-"

"It's fine, my friend." The mage gave him a weary smile.

"Just stay safe," the new Warden-Commander told them. "And come back. We've lost too many good people already."


End file.
